Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

disappointed in sons decision

114 replies

Twins3007 · 06/06/2022 11:50

My son is now 21 and still lives at home, since leaving school he has been training and just passed certain exams so he practice in his own right. He could have a potential of earning quite a good living if he put his mind to it . He was quite happy in the role then covid hit and he has been wfh since as they shut the office and now only go in once a week even then most don't turn up or go home early. This way of working has certainly changed all dynamics of the job as he has had no mentor and no one to show him how to interact with clients , he is home alone and has no motivation what so ever. All social aspect of the job has gone since wfh , which is such a shame as this did give him confidence and getting to know colleagues.
He has now decided this line of work is not for him and wants some sort of a trade, to re train and do some kind of manual work, I am distraught and have tried to dissuade him but he is adamant, because he still lives at home this is possible, he has been used to living on a low wage while training .

He feels he has wasted 5 years of his life, all his friends have got on and all have trades and earning a respectable wage and he feels he has been left behind.

I worry that he may regret his decision and have told him so but he will not listen, although it is soul destroying to see how lonely he is wfh and lost all motivation, what do I do try to persuade him to stick it out or encourage him to find a new role in life ?

OP posts:
TheBermudaTriangle · 06/06/2022 11:55

It is heartbreaking to see your child so unhappy, and it is scary for you (probably both of you!) with this switch in his career. But he's a grown adult, he has to make his own decisions and - potentially - make his own mistakes. I know it's of little comfort but you can't dictate his career path/decisions now.

It actually sounds fairly sensible that he takes up this new challenge while he is living at home, and therefore hopefully able to absorb some living costs - and with your support. Keep your peace for now, be supportive how you can, and just be there in case things don't work out. You never know, this might be the best decision he has ever made.

Nanny0gg · 06/06/2022 12:00

I don't see what the problem is.

Seems a sensible decision to me

DropYourSword · 06/06/2022 12:03

Why are you distraught that he wants to learn a trade? Why would he regret that?

Even if he does, surely he'd still have his existing qualifications to fall back on.

I'd argue it's better for him to go for it now, rather than be stuck in a job he hates for years and then feel like it's too late to retrain

ThePenOfMyAunt · 06/06/2022 12:04

He'll still have the qualifications if he changes his mind. Grantee he might need to refresh them but I would try and be supportive.
Trades can be hard on the body (my husband and FIl can vouch for that), but he's young and unhappy so I'd be proud he's trying to find an alternative.

NerrSnerr · 06/06/2022 12:05

What's the worst that will happen? He will learn the trade, decide it's not for him and go back to his old job (or something else). He's only 21, he's going to be working for the next 50 years at least so he should do what he wants to do.

Merryoldgoat · 06/06/2022 12:06

Did he train as an accountant?

Frazzledmummy123 · 06/06/2022 12:14

I can understand why you are concerned, however he isn't chucking his job to do nothing, he is going to pursue a trade instead of staying and feeling miserable in a job he hates. I say good for him! He is stuck in a rut so has made a pro active decision to change that, and that takes guts to make that change so you should be proud of him.

It seems you want him to be happy, yet are encouraging him to continue in a situation that's making him unhappy? If it is the case, that he pursues a trade and he doesn't like it, then he is young and can change his mind.

I'd support him and be proud of him for making the move to change his life for the better.

YellowFlickerSticker2 · 06/06/2022 12:18

Have you ever known an electrician, plumber, builder to be out of work ? (excluding during covid) I'm going to add nurse, teacher too

I hated WFH with no real people interaction during covid

Life is far too short to be unhappy

I'm in the retrain camp

Chattanooger · 06/06/2022 12:24

What did he do before? It sounds like accountancy, and as an accountant I can confirm that not all firms are taking a one day a week in the office approach.

We’re required to be in a minimum of 2 days and our more senior staff are regularly doing 4 days in the office, so maybe he needs to find a larger firm more suited to his requirements.

That said, learning a manual trade is not a bad thing, and if he wanted to do that instead it’s not the worse decision he could
make… If he lives at home though I would challenge how he expects to finance himself (eg rent, lifestyle) through an apprenticeship if you’re not willing to fund training for two professions.

Original poster
Twins3007 · 06/06/2022 12:25

of course I do not want him to pursue a career he is unhappy in like you say he has many years of work ahead of him ,I have had a few people say to me " omg how can he give up his career after getting his qualifications , tbh I think he disliked the job before passing his exams but hoped it would get better which it hasn't.

Both his brothers have trades and yes I am proud of him that he has made this brave decision and keep my fingers it works out for him .

OP posts:
TonTonMacoute · 06/06/2022 12:28

DS is the same age and I wouldn't be too worried about him seriously training for a trade at this point in his life.

The training your DS has already done will not necessarily be wasted, and frankly so long as he had a definite plan in mind I would be encouraging him to get out there and do it.

My DS wants to work in book publishing, he desperately wants a job, in an office, with other people, but all the jobs he is applying for seem to have attendance in the office as an optional extra. It just sounds grim, isolating and lonely, I feel really sorry for them.

LuaDipa · 06/06/2022 12:29

I think your ds is being very pragmatic. He has worked hard to qualify in his current career but isn’t enjoying it or receiving any support to improve his skills. Rather than allowing himself to become stuck in a miserable rut he’s looking to retrain in a field which is in high demand. I wish him the best of luck.

Seeingadistance · 06/06/2022 12:37

I think the past couple of years have been particularly tough on older teenagers and young adults.

it seems like your DS is making a sensible decision here, and good for him.

Original poster
Twins3007 · 06/06/2022 12:38

sorry I don't know how to reply to a comment as new to mumsnet but to anyone who asked yes it is in the accountancy/ financial role

OP posts:
DashboardConfessional · 06/06/2022 12:41

Twins3007 · 06/06/2022 12:25

of course I do not want him to pursue a career he is unhappy in like you say he has many years of work ahead of him ,I have had a few people say to me " omg how can he give up his career after getting his qualifications , tbh I think he disliked the job before passing his exams but hoped it would get better which it hasn't.

Both his brothers have trades and yes I am proud of him that he has made this brave decision and keep my fingers it works out for him .

Stop worrying about what other people think about the situation.

3luckystars · 06/06/2022 12:41

Don’t listen to anyone else. Let him do what makes him happy and that will make you happy. Ignore everyone else! Good luck.

Gettingthingsdone777 · 06/06/2022 12:45

I can understand the worry OP but really if at 21 he has qualified in something (I’m assuming accountancy or similar) and then acquires a trade, there’s every possibility he will be better qualified to have an exceptional career and excellent earning power in future.

Ironically, many manual jobs, e.g. electricians who can install solar panels, will be in such demand in the coming decade that there’s every chance he will out earn his “professional” peers significantly.

There is also the added benefit that he will be more likely to be able to maintain his own home with a trade qualification. He can always go back to his first qualification if the physical aspect gets too much. Well done! Sounds like you’ve been doing some excellent parenting to me.

LeroyJenkinssss · 06/06/2022 12:50

Actually it’s not a terrible combo to have - his books will be watertight! I always thought that if learning a trade there should be an element of learning the financial side too.

stop placing prestige on certain jobs - at the end of the day, he’s got close to fifty years ahead and now is definitely the time to find his footing in the right job for him.

Rosehugger · 06/06/2022 12:52

He'll do fantastically well as an electrician or plumber working for himself. YABU. Being stuck behind a desk is not the pinnacle of life.

FatTum · 06/06/2022 12:52

I personally think it's an absolute disgrace for the younger ones in finance/accountancy that their firms haven't instituted more of a return to the office. All of us, at that age, learnt from being around other people doing the jobs. I'm back in the office 4 days a week so I can make sure we mentor the younger starters. I would advise him to look for another firm first. Some firms are prioritising being in the office to make sure the newer starters are properly trained and mentored.

Milomine · 06/06/2022 12:52

Hi OP, Im not much older than your son, spent 5 years training as an accountant/tax advisor and just left in December to retrain as a nursery assistant. I got all the comments about how stupid I was being to give up such a good salary but I was completely miserable in the accountants & leaving was the best decision I’ve ever made.

My mum was 100% supportive of me but my dad thought along the same lines as you and now even 6 months down the line I don’t feel like I can even mention my work to him as I know he didn’t approve. He was proud of the accountant daughter, not so proud of the nursery assistant daughter!

There are so many people have left accountancy since COVID hit & I know many of the people I trained with who stayed in the job are struggling mentally.

Hope all works out okay for him, just wanted to offer my perspective as the child in the situation!

Swayingpalmtrees · 06/06/2022 12:53

Has he explored jobs that are working back in the office, maybe if he wasn't stuck at home alone for weeks on end he might enjoy it?

I would explore new jobs before retraining, but otherwise better to retrain now whilst he is so young and support his decision.

Violetpearl · 06/06/2022 12:55

My son is the same age and is a qualified chef. He has worked when he could during lockdowns and ended up working ridiculously long hours and got burnt out. He is in the process of moving out of the family home and will look for something once he has moved although he is not sure if catering is for him even though he has great skills. As he is now 21 we now stay out of his life decisions unless he asks. Although he is still our child he is a man now and making his own way in the world. We are always there to support and pick up pieces if needed.

Your son sounds sensible and although it is hard to step back Im sure he will appreciate you now viewing him as a man instead of a child. He has made a brave decision just support him. He is lucky to have a caring family.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 06/06/2022 13:00

Seems a really sensible decision from him.

Why are you distraught?

His life, his career, his decisions. Trade work is really profitable.

Or are you worried what the neighbours might think?

Cranefliesthinkthecarroofiswater · 06/06/2022 13:06

Office work really doesn't suit a lot of people and just makes them miserable and restless, but the accountancy skills he's learned could be so useful for his future. Imagine him set up with a trade he enjoys and running a nice business, using his new trade skills, plus the ones he learned for accountancy. He could do really well for himself.