Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

disappointed in sons decision

114 replies

Twins3007 · 06/06/2022 11:50

My son is now 21 and still lives at home, since leaving school he has been training and just passed certain exams so he practice in his own right. He could have a potential of earning quite a good living if he put his mind to it . He was quite happy in the role then covid hit and he has been wfh since as they shut the office and now only go in once a week even then most don't turn up or go home early. This way of working has certainly changed all dynamics of the job as he has had no mentor and no one to show him how to interact with clients , he is home alone and has no motivation what so ever. All social aspect of the job has gone since wfh , which is such a shame as this did give him confidence and getting to know colleagues.
He has now decided this line of work is not for him and wants some sort of a trade, to re train and do some kind of manual work, I am distraught and have tried to dissuade him but he is adamant, because he still lives at home this is possible, he has been used to living on a low wage while training .

He feels he has wasted 5 years of his life, all his friends have got on and all have trades and earning a respectable wage and he feels he has been left behind.

I worry that he may regret his decision and have told him so but he will not listen, although it is soul destroying to see how lonely he is wfh and lost all motivation, what do I do try to persuade him to stick it out or encourage him to find a new role in life ?

OP posts:
Namechangehereandnow · 06/06/2022 13:56

I think you’re massively over reacting OP.
He’s 21 - he needs to make his own choices, and mistakes.
Be there to support and guide, but let him make his own decisions.

cornishcrusader · 06/06/2022 13:58

Please don't worry too much. My own children have made many mistakes, had changes of heart, about turns, wasted periods of their lives doing things they now regret, squandered opportunities. Maybe we all do actually. I think this has taught me to support them on a day to day basis in what they want to do now, and never inflict my opinion or personal beliefs on them. You know what, it usually works out in the end...and if it doesn't then continue to support them through the bad times too. As long as they are healthy and happy nothing else really matters. Hope it all works out for the best, whatever the best is for him personally.

Rhodora · 06/06/2022 14:03

He will be absolutely fine. When my DH was 33 he decided he wanted to go to university and get a degree as a building surveyor after driving HGVs for years. As he already had a degree in architectural technology he got admitted straight into third year (Scotland so four year degree).DH is now a building inspector and he loves it. DF in law was invited to leave school at 15 and so decided to become a joiner. DF in law served his time as an apprentice joiner and once he qualified he became a lecturer at a further education college. DF in law finally got a university degree in his 50s after the college decided they wanted all their lecturers to have one. Your son may decide to go back to accounting later or he may decide that a trade is what he has always wanted to do. Either way he will have skills that will benefit him for life.

CapMarvel · 06/06/2022 14:06

He's 21 with at least 40-45 years to need to earn a living. That's a long time to be stuck in a job you hate.

You should be encouraging him to find something he is passionate about and loves, and if that means a few wrong turns along the way so be it.

JinglingHellsBells · 06/06/2022 14:17

This is why WFH is a disaster for so many young people. They get out of the office, lose mentors, lose motivation, and it all goes belly up.

Has he thought about talking to HR or his boss and explaining how he feels?

OR can he look for another job using his qualifications?

I agree with you that the grass can look greener and he's still very young.

I'd be talking to him and asking him to think about applying for a similar role where he can go into the office and there is support from HR and mentors.

There is nothing wrong with having a trade but it seems a big leap from working towards something for 5 years and ditching it due to the pandemic.

goldfinchonthelawn · 06/06/2022 14:21

Support him. If he picks the right trade, he'll earn a fortune, never be out of work and never be bored stiff working from home.

He is still very young and it's incredibly brave and wise of him to realise so quickly that he isn;t suiteds to one profession and to choose to train in another. If as PPs have guessed, he trained in accountancy then he'll be very good at keeping on top of his books as a self employed trader.

He sounds multi-talented with a great work ethic. Support him.

SleeplessInEngland · 06/06/2022 14:22

FatTum · 06/06/2022 12:52

I personally think it's an absolute disgrace for the younger ones in finance/accountancy that their firms haven't instituted more of a return to the office. All of us, at that age, learnt from being around other people doing the jobs. I'm back in the office 4 days a week so I can make sure we mentor the younger starters. I would advise him to look for another firm first. Some firms are prioritising being in the office to make sure the newer starters are properly trained and mentored.

Hybrid working suits a lot of of employers and employees. Get over it.

as for the thread, sounds like a good decision from your son. He’s still very young, and trades are great career moves.

JinglingHellsBells · 06/06/2022 14:24

But it's not that he doesn't like the office.

It's that the office has changed to WFH and he's missing out on contact with other people.

He needs to be logical and see that there are plenty of other roles in finance that are not WFH where he could be happy!

It's throwing the baby out with the bathwater. I can see why- he's young and thinks swapping careers is the answer, but everything has pros and cons.

JinglingHellsBells · 06/06/2022 14:25

@SleeplessInEngland Hybrid working doesn't mean 1 day in the office (if you can be bothered). It can mean 3 days AND support for younger people.

I don't think you know what hybrid working means. And the impact is has on the young who are at the start of their careers, unlike employees in their 30s, 40s and 50s.

Icannever · 06/06/2022 14:32

Ideal combination for running a successful business at some point i would think 😊

Iamthewombat · 06/06/2022 14:33

Hybrid working suits a lot of of employers and employees. Get over it.

Please don’t turn this thread into a rant about why nobody should be expected to, like, go into an office, ever. With added “I’m much more efficient at home, honest!”

skyeisthelimit · 06/06/2022 14:43

If he has the qualification then why doesn't he apply for office based jobs, or hybrid working? A lot of employers are now wanting staff to get back to the office, so he should be able to find something.

I am an accountant and while I am self employed so I do work totally from home, I need my employee in here as she is still training on a lot of things. I know that if I had to work from home when I started out, I wouldn't have learned much as there are a lot of questions when you start out.

Ultimately though, it is his life and if he wants to retrain and can afford to, then he should be able to do that with your support. He could do an adult apprenticeship even, to find something that he really wants to do and learn the trade.

Original poster
Twins3007 · 06/06/2022 14:44

I have spoken to him about changing to another company and being office based as I said in last post this is not an option, he hates every aspect of the job I'm afraid, I still think bloody covid and changing to wfh has definitely been the cause as I said he has no confidence in his work as has not been in office to get experience.
Hey ho we must move forward and respect him for making his choice , and I would never tell him I am disappointed , of course not,

OP posts:
skyeisthelimit · 06/06/2022 14:48

If he has decided that it is not for him , then he does need to find something that he is happy to do.

Life is too short to go to work hating what you do every day

Ponderingwindow · 06/06/2022 14:49

Before he spends time retraining, it would be smart to try a job with a different company. When he interviews he should be honest and say that he is looking for a place that has found a way to maintain a more connected company culture.

ChairP0se9to5 · 06/06/2022 14:53

He's only 21 so he can afford to ''waste'' five years. A lot of apprentices are paid well and they pay while you train so it's not like he'd be straight back to day one with no training and no pay again.

If he met really good people in his last job, they can catch up when he has news.

I think that 21 is so young. IF he wants to go back to the first job after 6 months then at least he'll know now that the first job isn't so bad.

notsoskinny · 06/06/2022 14:57

As a fellow accountant, please tell your son to first try another field. The roles are SO different.

It isn't for everyone. My best friend retrained as a teacher despite being the top scorer in one of the ACA exams. She just loves Maths. She is much happier, but I now earn 3x her salary and ultimately, the money + wfh benefits + corporate gains are all I need.

erinaceus · 06/06/2022 15:10

I know of two formerly unhappy accountants who retrained as maths teachers and became much happier, just a suggestion in case he has not thought of options other than trades. And one lawyer who became a plumber and did well.

As another poster said, if he has accountancy qualifications he will find the financial side of being self-employed more straightforward than most.

dropthevipers · 06/06/2022 15:13

Sounds like you are aghast at the notion of him going into Trade, of all things rather than him hanging onto a nice professional middle class career. Heaven forfend!

OkyDoke · 06/06/2022 15:14

My husband did similar, accountancy training etc and quit when he was about 20 as he was depressed; he was made for practicality and a trade. He never got the chance to train though and always resents that. Be on his side.

ChickenBurgers · 06/06/2022 15:24

nothing wrong with getting a trade. Grandad lives next door to a plumber and I can tell you he is not short of cash. Always going to need tradesmen!

Welshrarebit75 · 06/06/2022 15:31

I’m in the retrain camp but he should keep paying his professional fees so that he continues to have it as a back up.

If he goes into a trade he’ll be able to do his own books! Win, win.

Mumwithbaggage · 06/06/2022 15:41

My dd1 got a great law degree from a top RG university then aced her Masters (best thesis, top student etc) but is now doing something entirely unrelated. Main thing is she's happy. Ds did tree surgery - now building and doing pretty well for himself. Again, he's happy. Dd2 doesn't love her job but she's only 26. Things are different these days. Wish I'd had the courage to jump careers at that age rather than stick to something I'm good at but don't really enjoy.

goldfinchonthelawn · 06/06/2022 15:46

I certainly wouldn;t suggest teaching over plumbing. He'l make far more from trade and be his own boss.

BorisJohnsonsvomitbucket · 06/06/2022 15:55

I pursued a nursing career back in the late 90s and after three years jacked it in because I wasn't cut out for it. I got a job in a department store before someone suggested applying to work on the Underground. I'm still on the Tube now having progressed a bit up the chain, and have much more earning power than I would ever have as a nurse. (Nurses should get paid more than me because it's a much harder job and I don't earn my money unless there's an incident)

Plenty of people I work with come from "prestigious" jobs but for one reason or another (the pandemic being one) they've ended up on the Tube. And are happier for it. Sometimes it's not worth ploughing on with something which just isn't working out. You have to break and find something else, and be happy doing it.