disappointed in sons decision

[Twins3007]

My son is now 21 and still lives at home, since leaving school he has been training and just passed certain exams so he practice in his own right. He could have a potential of earning quite a good living if he put his mind to it . He was quite happy in the role then covid hit and he has been wfh since as they shut the office and now only go in once a week even then most don't turn up or go home early. This way of working has certainly changed all dynamics of the job as he has had no mentor and no one to show him how to interact with clients , he is home alone and has no motivation what so ever. All social aspect of the job has gone since wfh , which is such a shame as this did give him confidence and getting to know colleagues.
He has now decided this line of work is not for him and wants some sort of a trade, to re train and do some kind of manual work, I am distraught and have tried to dissuade him but he is adamant, because he still lives at home this is possible, he has been used to living on a low wage while training .

He feels he has wasted 5 years of his life, all his friends have got on and all have trades and earning a respectable wage and he feels he has been left behind.

I worry that he may regret his decision and have told him so but he will not listen, although it is soul destroying to see how lonely he is wfh and lost all motivation, what do I do try to persuade him to stick it out or encourage him to find a new role in life ?

I can assure everyone I do not interfere in his life , he makes his own decisions , never been able to tell him what to do lol , and me and his Dad will be there to support whatever he decides to do .

I a semi retired now but have had a long career as an accountant and have mentored, developed, trained many coming through the profession. Whilst being able to work at home was a godsend at the start of the pandemic, I always thought that long term it was not going to work well for new entrants / people your sons age in particular. I cannot imagine my early working years being spent stuck at home, nobody to learn from properly, plus the complete absence of the social side of work too.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with pursuing a trade, I think tradespeople do very well. But at the same time, I am surprised that your son has not thought about finding a new company rather than a new occupation. There are plenty of office based accountancy jobs these days, I thought going back into the office was popular. He obviously is old enough to make up his own mind, but maybe worth encouraging him to look into this option too.

I would be happy for him. Tradesmen can earn loads and having those skills means he can work on his own home (and yours 🙂). I wish I had done this when I was younger tbh.

As for the financial role, I imagine there will be a surplus of candidates in the future judging by how many are coming through the industry and how ripe the sector is for automation. There will be a pressure on salaries for low to mid level finance roles in the not so distant future.

He will never be out of work in a trade.

Can’t he get a job at another company who hasn’t moved to WFH? Mayne for 6m or so, and then he could decide if he definitely wants to change field?

what do I do try to persuade him to stick it out or encourage him to find a new role in life ?

You have already tried to persuade him to stick it out, despite the fact that it makes him incredibly miserable and he hated it even before he sat his exams. I think you should probably stop now. There is a good chance that he only 'stuck it out' for so long because he didn't want to disappoint you, and that's why he's now so unhappy.

As for 'encouraging him to find a new role in life' ... he's already decided he's going to do that by retraining in a manual trade. So encourage him in that, instead of being 'distraught' (really?!) that he doesn't want to spend his life behind a desk.

I would add that if he takes up a trade, his financial and accounting skills will absolutely not be wasted if he decides to set up a business and be self-employed. Moreover, he will remain a qualified account even if he is also a qualified carpenter, plumber or electrician, so he will still have the option to return to accounting if he wants to.

He's a grown man. Just let him get on with it and be proud of him.

My friend's DH was an accountant and hated it. He re-trained and now has his own plumbing business, and there literally are not enough hours in the day for him to work. He loves what he does, is earning well and never regretted it for a second.

It does not seem a five minute decision, and depending on the trade there could always be work for him. As you note, you will be supportive whatever his decision.

Whilst understanding disappointment, the fact he has a plan and idea is something positive. Many parents with young sons would welcome that.

He’s 21. He has plenty of years left to decide exactly what it is he wants to do long term. If he has his qualifications and wants to train in something else then now is the time being so young.
having a professional office based job is not always the route to being comfortable or wealthy.
I know far more wealthy people who have a trade and a much more balanced lifestyle.
in fact most of the people I Know who own big houses and are on route to retiring early are in the construction industry.

21 is a really good age to do this. There's the whole of the rest of his life to think about. This stage of life is still finding your feet.

Why are you distraught? He's making a sensible decision.

DH always wanted to be a landscape gardener, his parents made him follow a degree and subsequently he is a headteacher. He hates it. Too late now.

I admire him.Even with the knowledge that his parent disapproves he has looked at his job holistically and decided that it is not giving him the life that he wants.He is very very young and may make more choices and changes going forward.He is learning transferable skills and showing himself to be decisive and self motivated.Be proud.

He’s only 21. If he wants to try something else then let him crack on. Christ at 21 I was working two jobs and about to bugger off on my travels for 18 months! There’s more to life than a career.

I agree with him, it is the perfect time for him to retrain. He doesn't have any responsibilities and lives at home still. I hope he finds a trade that makes him happy.

At the age of 23 my son was doing really well with his career that he had since he was 17. The firm had put him through exams and he was getting more and more staffing responsibility. His wage was really good. However he had enough. He had a complete career change and is a 18 months into an apprentice that he is absolutely loving. He has done so well they have given him a bonus and an early wage rise.

This isn't bragging. It is to tell you a career change can lead you to new opportunities and things that you love. There was no point my lad carrying on with a job that had been taken over by a company that didn't have the same values as the original one so he found something else. Your DS will be fine. He is young. Things will work themselves out.

I'd agree that he needs to change job.

But if he was getting on well before covid, I'd suggest that he finds somewhere new, somewhere where they go in the office more and have adapted their mentoring to hybrid working rather than just abandoning it. Give it 6 months and if he still hates it then you will fully support his retraining. Surely if it means he will be living at home for longer then you have a say?

This.

I’m going to go against the grain here and suggest that you try one last time to persuade him to give finance another go at a different firm.

I know that it’s difficult to be objective with your own children, but is he clever enough to really make a go of accountancy, and is he at (or could he get into) a decent-sized and prestigious firm? If the answer to both of those questions is “yes”, then I’d be encouraging my kid to stick it out and change employer. The Big Four are under-resourced at the moment, so that’s an opportunity.

It’s all very well for posters to say, “yes, but he’ll never be out of work if he’s a plumber” or, “he’ll be able to do his own books, so his training won’t be wasted”, but the truth is, his training and exams will be wasted if he chucks it in now. Not all accountants earn above average salaries, but if you have a good brain you will earn more than most other jobs and you won’t have your arm down a toilet whilst doing so either. Plus, there are other less obvious benefits: you can comfortably work into your sixties, which you may not want to do if you are fitting solar panels to roofs.

Call me a snob if you like (I can see a few posts berating the OP for ‘caring what other people think’) but as somebody who grew up on a council estate in Manchester and has forged a great career in finance I would 100% encourage kids who are not from privileged backgrounds to choose the professions over trade if they have the option. That’s they key to social mobility, whether we choose to acknowledge it or not. You can bet your life that the people who have privately educated their children and have well-established networks and connections aren’t encouraging their kids into manual roles. That’s why you get so many posh mediocrities in the professions, and in the universities.

Distraught is rather a strong word , and yes I feel slightly to blame as knew a while ago he was unhappy but kept saying things will get better once back in office and qualified. He could also look at another company that is office based but he has gone so off the job that is not an option he wants to look into.

I am quite happy for him to to re train as I said in previous post my other two sons have trades .

The main thing now is looking for a trade that he can enjoy for hopefully many years to come as we spend a lot of time at work .

A grounding in accountancy can be very useful in business, whether running your own firm, or being an employee who rises in seniority.

If he becomes a self-employed plumber, for example, he should be able to glide through keeping his own accounts, dealing with tax, profits, loans, depreciation, allowances and debts.

Lots of people who set up in business on their own have no idea, and sadly fail.

I believe most people in building trades go bust.

I don't think you need to be as worried as you are given he's 21. Many people at that age take a few years to find their calling and to work out what inspires them. And he has his qualification under his belt, presumably, if he wants to go back. Career changes are not uncommon at every stage of life but are easiest when you have no real commitments like a mortgage and children.

I have friends from university who left with their degrees and 'bummed around' travelling for a few years, just earning enough to get by and go where they wanted to. Definitely not time wasted in their eyes but the only stage of life where they'd get to do that. One is a teacher now, one has gone back into law and the other has their own business. But they weren't very driven at 21 (at least compared to your DS who sounds like he's got it together) and perhaps their parents worried about them like you are worrying about your DS.

Good on your DS for knowing his own mind. I do wonder, along with @FatTum and @Aprilx , whether he has thought of changing firms to one where he could have an office based role? But possibly at this point he just wants out of the field.

If that is so, I am very glad that you and his DF are on his side. He is at the best stage for making the change and as PPs have said, he can have a great life in trade.

I agree it makes sense for him to try a new job in a different company in his current profession before throwing in the towel.

He’s very young and has time on his side.

notacooldad · Today 13:29
At the age of 23 my son was doing really well with his career that he had since he was 17. The firm had put him through exams and he was getting more and more staffing responsibility. His wage was really good. However he had enough. He had a complete career change and is a 18 months into an apprentice that he is absolutely loving. He has done so well they have given him a bonus and an early wage rise.
This isn't bragging. It is to tell you a career change can lead you to new opportunities and things that you love. There was no point my lad carrying on with a job that had been taken over by a company that didn't have the same values as the original one so he found something else. Your DS will be fine. He is young. Things will work themselves out.

Thankyou for this , this is what i am hoping ,

I don't think you need to be as worried as you are given he's 21. Many people at that age take a few years to find their calling and to work out what inspires them. And he has his qualification under his belt, presumably, if he wants to go back

Sorry to rain on your parade but his chances of getting even a semi-decent role requiring an accountancy qualification after leaving the profession to work in a trade are negligible. They just are. The qualification is only the start of it. He’d need to build up his experience, which is what employers and recruiters are really looking for. They want a recent track record.

From the OP’s updates it appears that her son has 90% made his mind up, but I don’t blame her for being sad about it. There’s nothing wrong with working in a trade, and some people do very well from it financially (yes, I know that there is more to life than money but it’s a consideration), but it doesn’t compare to working in a profession at a senior level for compensation and other tangible and intangible benefits.

At 21 he has time to do anything he wants to do. Tradespeople are like gold dust where I live. I wouldn't worry about him.

With an accountant background and wanting to do a trade, he will have a great career. An aquaintence went from running a club in central London to being a high end plumber! 40years is a longtime to work if you’re miserable, if he hates it he can always come back to accounting/finance. It sounds like you wanted the prestige if him doing that more than his happiness.