disappointed in sons decision

[Twins3007]

My son is now 21 and still lives at home, since leaving school he has been training and just passed certain exams so he practice in his own right. He could have a potential of earning quite a good living if he put his mind to it . He was quite happy in the role then covid hit and he has been wfh since as they shut the office and now only go in once a week even then most don't turn up or go home early. This way of working has certainly changed all dynamics of the job as he has had no mentor and no one to show him how to interact with clients , he is home alone and has no motivation what so ever. All social aspect of the job has gone since wfh , which is such a shame as this did give him confidence and getting to know colleagues.
He has now decided this line of work is not for him and wants some sort of a trade, to re train and do some kind of manual work, I am distraught and have tried to dissuade him but he is adamant, because he still lives at home this is possible, he has been used to living on a low wage while training .

He feels he has wasted 5 years of his life, all his friends have got on and all have trades and earning a respectable wage and he feels he has been left behind.

I worry that he may regret his decision and have told him so but he will not listen, although it is soul destroying to see how lonely he is wfh and lost all motivation, what do I do try to persuade him to stick it out or encourage him to find a new role in life ?

He is only 21 so this is the time to change careers.

My stepson changed from an office job to becoming a great carpenter at around that age.

He sounds really sensible. Any job that can be WFH is precarious now. A manual trade is for life, and people make really good livings out of it where they can eventually build up a business to run itself, if they want that.

All my friends who learned a trade are years ahead of me financially, and my sector feels like its always at risk

so are you disappointed or not?

Good on him. Not sure what you're problem is.

He could set up as a tradie, do his own books, and do self employed books for his tradie mates.

I retrained at 21 for a new career despite having qualifications, it was the best decision.

My Dad is an electrician and specialised in a specific type. He is semi retired in his 50s, lives at his lake house in America for half the year and spends the rest of the year on his yacht or messing about with his classic car collection. He’s much better off and has a better quality of life than any accountant I know!

If he trains in electrical or plumbing he can more or less write his own pay check. There’s a shortage of skilled tradesmen,/women, especially in Electrical, school leavers were encouraged to apply for university rather than go into trade this causing this lack of skilled trades personnel.
My DH, a retired Electrician in the oil and gas industry has only ever been out of work once, and that was for two months in a 44 year career. He more less left one contract and started another the following day.

With respect, how many tradespeople are going to end up with a lake house in the USA, a classic car collection and a yacht? That’s just daft talk. A bit like when Michael Caine used to boast that his father wanted him to become an accountant and “now I employ three of them”. Forgetting that he was one of the very few, amongst hundreds of thousands of jobbing or aspiring actors, to be in that fortunate position.

The thing with an economy is, it abhors a vacuum. So when news circulates about a skilled trade that the majority of people could enter if they learned the skills and which pays well through scarcity, what happens then? Oh yes, lots of people enter it and supply increases, so prices reduce. It would be foolish to expect that tradesmen will remain scarce. Any current shortage around here is due to the Polish tradesmen thinking, sod you after Brexit and going home. I doubt that our area is unique. As soon as the new crop of tradespeople come through, the financial advantage is lost.

As for him being better off than any accountant you have ever met: I’m surmising that you haven’t met many. There are accountants earning average salaries. There are also CFOs and partners making huge amounts. There’s a reason why middle class kids are pushed into the professions. What do you think that reason is?

If he trains in electrical or plumbing he can more or less write his own pay check.

Don’t be silly. Write his own pay cheque? What if someone quoted you £10k to unblock a loo? What would you say then? Go ahead and charge whatever you want? Of course not.

I think PPs are expecting us to read with common sense. I don’t live in an expensive area of the country and I reckon my plumber makes about the same salary as someone on one of the lower salary bands for Senior Lecturer or Reader ( Reader is the rank just below Professor) at our major Russell Group University. Good on him, I say.

You are 'distraught' because he wants to learn a trade?

I'm insulted. Do you know how 'skilled' you have to be do learn and DO manual work? It's not easy. I'm fed up of the stereotypes around builders and labourers. Without them you would have your houses shops and supermarkets. My family run their own labourer and 'trade' company and are very successful.

A little time outside the profession may be just what he needs to appreciate the breadth of opportunities within it.

I had a similar experience, started and finished a 5 year accounts apprenticeship from 18, then took some time out doing something totally different for a much needed 'break' which really refreshed and focused my aims going forward. Picked up a seperate strand of the profession and been flying since.

(Incidentally, this is another reason why I advise against early apprenticeship in this particular field.) Although the zero uni fees is initially attractive, there's sometimes a bit of unspoken burnout for some of the early starters and then having to compete with the uni students when they come in at higher tiers with wider experiences)

21 is young, time is on his side for exploring and who knows... it may lead to some further amazing opportunities with his existing qualification as others have pointed out.

Try not to worry OP, he has a good qualification and base to find his way long term. Best Wishes

No, she’s upset because (1) her son is making a life changing decision influenced by circumstances beyond his control and (2) she worries that he may regret that decision after spending five years training and sitting exams.

The OP explicitly tells us that her two other sons work in trades, that she is happy about that, and that she will support her son whatever he chooses. Don’t let that stop you kicking her when she is down, though.

@Iamthewombat well my husbands uncle set up a building company, now retired in 50s and is flown about in his helicopter because getting about by car isn’t worth his time. Two of my friends parents started as builders and set up their own firms, both also millionaires.

Sure there are a lot of people who stick at being a bricklayer but if you have drive and ambition you can do really well in the building trade. I worked in a builders yard doing admin from 18-21, most of them are still there but one got his apprenticeship and went to Australia. Did well and saved, he moved back here five years later and did now buys houses at auction, does them up and sells them on. He’s hired other people and flips lots now. I know a lot more wealthy tradespeople than I do wealthy accountants.

Yeah, you’re right, write his own pay check is a bit of an exaggeration, but there’s more for trades than domestic work.
DH went to the job centre and was asked how much was the lowest salary he’d consider, he said 60k…” Don’t be unrealistic you won’t get that”. He replied “I was already earning it”. He didn’t bother with them after that and found his next job himself. however the next big boom is Wind and Solar power, it’s already started. Huge projects happening near where I live, work has started on more wind turbine farms. Work is expected finish Dec. 2024, That’s just for the buildings and construction of the site. Then going forwards the turbines will need erecting out at sea and maintaining.

Yes, but do you understand that the fact that you, who grew up in the building trade, know more wealthy property developers than accountants, doesn’t mean that people who work in trades earn, on average, more than accountants?

You don’t seem to understand the disconnect. Or that most people going into trades will not end up as millionaires being flown around by helicopter. Most will make an average living and it is disingenuous to suggest otherwise.

I haven’t seen anyone dispute that there is demand for skilled tradespeople, or that specialist trades can be well paid, but to suggest that the OP’s son, in becoming a tradesperson, is likely to be able to charge whatever he wants (“write his own pay check”) or to end up with a yacht and a helicopter, is just silly.

Get him to take the morrisby online psychometric test and linked careers advice. He needs to talk to someone who understands strengths and opportunities.

I think if your DS thinks already that he's not going to enjoy his original career it's much better that he retrains now - he is still young - many of his peers are still at university so haven't yet started on their career pathway. It would be horrible if he decided to slog on with it for a few years more - in which time he has responsibilities (mortgage, a partner etc) and feels he is stuck for life in a role he hates . Any training undertaken, qualifications gained is never a waste - he maybe able to make use of some of his knowledge in the future .

If he's serious about taking up a trade and is likely to make a success of it, that sounds like a good idea. Tradesmen are in such short supply in the UK that they are never short of work and can go self employed and make a lot of money. More than most professionals.

Professionals in the big cities can earn a high salary - more so in London. But elsewhere you're likely to earn more as a self-employed tradesman.

WFH is terrible if you are starting out. Work was my social life when I got my first professional job.
Getting a trade is fine - he will always have his qualifications. As long as he keeps moving forward things will get better.

I assume this has been said already, but if he learns a trade and learns it well, he'll out-earn loads of his professional mates in a couple of years. If he's good at business too and can run a team of trades-people (and maybe use some of the know-how he gained in his old job) he'll be raking it in. I really wouldn't worry about it!

I would be disappointed too, trades are very physical. Even sparkies have to get into the lofts. If something happens to him physically he's not only in pain but also out of a job. It's hard to think about now because he's 21 and invincible. But it will be hard for him to get back to accounting once his knees are gone and his back is done in 40 years from now. Maybe he might like something else that isn't so dependent on his body or something mathematical.

My Daughter did her Primary Education with Qualified Teacher Status - BA (Hons) Degree , it was very competitive to get into and she really enjoyed the degree and the teaching while on placements. She passed and did Substitute teaching for a year and absolutely hated it . She gave it up went to work for Waitrose and then got a very good job with the WRU, which is her absolute dream job. She is very happy , has bought her own house & owns a car and is completely independent of us now at the age of 26.
We felt like you too but in all honesty the last 5 years are not going ot be a waste the jobs will still be there if he changes his mind. Let him go and give him your support it will all be fine .