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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is wrong...parents leaving kids during sleepover

134 replies

Maves · 05/06/2022 17:44

There are a lot of other issues with this family but recently found this out...the first time my child (12) went for a sleepover at her friends house the parents told them around 8.30pm they were "going to the office" (15/20) mins away.
Anyway the dad came back 2 hours later his dc ask where's mum "at the pub" he said.
The mum in dc words "stumbles in" later slurring saying "sorry it's been a shit night I think I have covid" she was pissed up.
So basically they hadn't entertained the kids at any point just lied they were going to the office at 8.30 at night and fucked off to get pissed.

She had left my dc and her friend (12) and their other dc (9) bare in mind she has to get babysitters for her kids when they go out. I'm pissed off this is just the final nail on a big fuck off coffin with these people. When I have sleepovers I cook, try and plan activities etc if the kids want to but I would never in a million years leave someone's child unattended!! Especially at night time! The kids are only really just 12 so not even 12/13.

I've not said anything yet for the kids sake but should I? Apart from this the woman is honestly unbearable anyway....this incident happened a few months ago before any other incident o didn't know her beforehand as it's a friend my dc made when starting secondary.

OP posts:
SeasonFinale · 05/06/2022 21:53

I don't understand why you started a thread about a sleepover a while back where kids were left unattended (which is obviously not acceptable) when the far more serious incident is them driving your kids home whilst over the limit. Surely you would start the thread with that?

CandyLeBonBon · 05/06/2022 22:00

Your updates change the scenario each time op!

safclass · 05/06/2022 22:05

OP some people getting their bloomin knickers in a twist here and diverting from the actual point.

  1. Making sure you have stuff for kids to do at sleepovers , IF they so desire ,ie cake making, craft is being considerate and planning ahead. Nothing wasted if they don't want to.
  2. If you invite a child to sleep at your house then you are responsible for that child and should not be pissing off to the pub coming back drunk.
3) 12 yr olds shouldn't be responsible for a 9yr old and a dog (what if the dog attacked your daughter if she wasn't known to it? No adult there to help) I would leave my 12yr old for a couple of hours during the day but not on an evening. 4) obviously drink driving is bloody serious and I think you know how to protect your daughter from people like this.

yanbu

XelaM · 05/06/2022 22:19

I have a 12-year-old and I find it odd that you have to "plan activities" for kids this age. My daughter just wants me to get out of the room when she has friends over. I certainly don't need to plan anything for them to do. And I had to pop out either to work or to the shops or to walk the dog whilst my daughter had a friend over on many occasions and they barely even notice/acknowledge my existence. Her friends are also left home alone. I would never go to the pub and get drunk whilst the kids were alone, but generally leaving a pair for 12-year-olds for a few hours is no big deal.

MsAdoraBelleDearheartVonLipwig · 05/06/2022 22:29

My ten year old went off with a few friends after school to a sleepover at a gran’s house. I got a call from Gran that evening as she wasn’t settling. I asked to speak to friends mum. Turned out she’d left the whole group of kids in the gran’s care and buggered off home. She couldn’t understand why I was a bit annoyed at finding this out late at night.

Original poster
Maves · 05/06/2022 22:54

@XelaM for the love of god I've explained what I meant by activities it's getting boring explaining now. You don't know my kids or their friends THEY like to come and talk to me, play with the younger kids your dd is your dd all kids aren't the same!! Their friends ask to do stuff it's there if they want to do it...they play with the little ones it's a novelty for kids that don't have younger siblings anyways if you'd rtft you would have read my explaination multiple times. YOUR KIDS MIGHT "cringe" at their mum mine don't

OP posts:
Original poster
Maves · 05/06/2022 22:58

@XelaM again rtft it's not just two 12 year olds it's a 9 year old who isn't responsible/sensible and accident prone with mild medical issues. Plus dog.

OP posts:
Discovereads · 05/06/2022 23:01

I wouldn’t let my DC stay over there again due to the drinking and subsequent drink driving. I think I’d invite their DC over to mine as I have a soft spot for children living with alcoholic parents and don’t think their DC should lose my DC as a friend due to bad parents.

At age 12, I was working as a paid babysitter of children from newborn to age 10. So I have no problem with two 12yr olds plus a 9yr old (and a dog), left home alone for a few hours in the evening. Especially since they didn’t have to cook/feed themselves.

CandyLeBonBon · 05/06/2022 23:02

They were alone for 2 hours op.

Original poster
Maves · 05/06/2022 23:05

@Discovereads the mixture of the 3 of them alone together isn't good and she can't call what happens with my child either. All kids are different I wouldn't leave my 12 yr old to babysit my younger ones as she's not responsible enough for that.

OP posts:
Summerfun54321 · 05/06/2022 23:05

This is awful, there’s no way my child would be allowed around that house again. I don’t know anyone who’d arrange a 12 year old sleepover then go out for the night and get pissed and leave a younger sibling and a dog home as well.

Original poster
Maves · 05/06/2022 23:27

It's also more the fact it was her first sleepover at their house and her rolling in pissed up. Her dd has told me her mum is awful when she's drunk and she's sick of her getting drunk.

OP posts:
Discovereads · 05/06/2022 23:27

Maves · 05/06/2022 23:05

@Discovereads the mixture of the 3 of them alone together isn't good and she can't call what happens with my child either. All kids are different I wouldn't leave my 12 yr old to babysit my younger ones as she's not responsible enough for that.

But the other 12yr old may be responsible enough to babysit their younger sibling (plus dog). Is your 12yr old not even responsible enough to manage herself for two hours alone?

Discovereads · 05/06/2022 23:29

Maves · 05/06/2022 23:27

It's also more the fact it was her first sleepover at their house and her rolling in pissed up. Her dd has told me her mum is awful when she's drunk and she's sick of her getting drunk.

Agreed. The drinking and drink driving are the real problem in my opinion. The rest isn’t really a big deal as many 12yr olds can responsibly handle a couple hours home alone even with a younger sibling and dog present.

kirinm · 05/06/2022 23:38

The drink driving one is far far worse imo.

Poppyseed14 · 05/06/2022 23:39

Some of these replies! YANBU OP. Plus for what it's worth I like the sound of your activities. I'd happily come to you for a sleep over. Don't burn your sequins! 💖

Greengagesnfennel · 05/06/2022 23:40

Whilst I might leave my dd11 alone during the day no way would I leave someone else's child unsupervised in the eve when I was responsible for a sleepover. Even much older. And to have drunk whist away such that your child noticed it when they got back. That must have been a lot. Probably not worth discussing with them as it will not get you anywhere I don't expect, but if it were me I would ensure no more sleepovers there.

Poppyseed14 · 05/06/2022 23:41

StillWeRise · 05/06/2022 17:50

this is very wrong
I won't post the details as they are very specific but local to me this ended in a visiting child dying- I think lack of entertainment is the least of your worries

Bloody hell that's shocking 😳

CandyLeBonBon · 05/06/2022 23:42

Maves · 05/06/2022 23:27

It's also more the fact it was her first sleepover at their house and her rolling in pissed up. Her dd has told me her mum is awful when she's drunk and she's sick of her getting drunk.

You said the dad came home after a couple of hours??

Janedoe82 · 05/06/2022 23:45

Are they posh?? Cool rich people types?? In that world this is relatively normal.

iklboo · 05/06/2022 23:45

You said the dad came home after a couple of hours??

He did. But mum rolled in hours later pissed as a fart - and that the child told OP she hates it when her mum gets drunk.

HikingforScenery · 05/06/2022 23:49

OP, your 12 year old would want to sit down and engage in arts and crafts that many adults enjoy? Shock horror!

You know yanbu, OP. My child would not be going to that house again. You mentioned earlier that you’d concerns, I probably wouldn’t have let my DD have a sleepover?

Mumnetter111 · 05/06/2022 23:54

@Maves please ignore what everyone has said. If your leaving 2 12 year olds and a 9 year old alone AT NIGHT saying your only going to be 20 minutes there is something very weird going on. And I can’t even imagine leaving my child with a parent I’d never met who was drunk. Like what if they got scared ? Who would they talk too because the parents wouldn’t be any good.

CandyLeBonBon · 05/06/2022 23:56

iklboo · 05/06/2022 23:45

You said the dad came home after a couple of hours??

He did. But mum rolled in hours later pissed as a fart - and that the child told OP she hates it when her mum gets drunk.

So is dad not capable of supervising? Is it only mum's job?

Goldenbear · 05/06/2022 23:57

12 year olds babysitting in the evening, how old are you Discovereads as I am early 40's and I don't remember this being common or even something anyone did out of my friend's parents or my Mum and Dad's friends, indeed our babysitterswere 15/16? My brother was supposed to watch me when he was 15 and I was 12 whilst my Mum went to an aerobics class on a winter's evening. He decided he would go out instead, told me that I would be fine but I got scared on my own, we lived in a detached house so when I heard noises I ran out the house with my slippers on in the snow to find my Mum at the church hall where she was taking part in the group. This was all because I was scared. It is simply not old enough to assess risk and have good enough judgement about situations and to not let your imagination run wild, particularly in the evening and looking after someone. I see my 15 year old has that level of judgement now but even he has to be reminded that if he is babysitting his younger sister so far this has only been for an hour, he needs headphones off and to check on her intermittently.