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Original poster

To think this is wrong...parents leaving kids during sleepover

134 replies

Maves · 05/06/2022 17:44

There are a lot of other issues with this family but recently found this out...the first time my child (12) went for a sleepover at her friends house the parents told them around 8.30pm they were "going to the office" (15/20) mins away.
Anyway the dad came back 2 hours later his dc ask where's mum "at the pub" he said.
The mum in dc words "stumbles in" later slurring saying "sorry it's been a shit night I think I have covid" she was pissed up.
So basically they hadn't entertained the kids at any point just lied they were going to the office at 8.30 at night and fucked off to get pissed.

She had left my dc and her friend (12) and their other dc (9) bare in mind she has to get babysitters for her kids when they go out. I'm pissed off this is just the final nail on a big fuck off coffin with these people. When I have sleepovers I cook, try and plan activities etc if the kids want to but I would never in a million years leave someone's child unattended!! Especially at night time! The kids are only really just 12 so not even 12/13.

I've not said anything yet for the kids sake but should I? Apart from this the woman is honestly unbearable anyway....this incident happened a few months ago before any other incident o didn't know her beforehand as it's a friend my dc made when starting secondary.

OP posts:
Original poster
Maves · 05/06/2022 18:49

Not sure how drunk the dad was but the mum was stumbling and slurring saying oh I'm so Ill I think I have covid 🤔 sorry it's been a shit night so she knew it had been shit for them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Maves · 05/06/2022 18:50

@kirinm the shots thing was the recent thing the sleepover was a few months ago I only found out about the whole thing the other day.

OP posts:
DashboardConfessional · 05/06/2022 18:50

Riapia · 05/06/2022 18:42

Your mistake was posting this on AIBU OP.
Any views expressed on here are not necessarily those of the person posting them.

Yes, this is a clear example of "Let me find an OP to disagree with"!

I would never ever leave someone else's child in my house until at least 14ish - at this age I would have friends to sleepover if mum and dad were going out.

notanothertakeaway · 05/06/2022 18:53

At 12, some parents may be content for children to be left alone at night. I wouldn't have been ok with that. I wouldn't take kindly to another parent deciding it's ok to leave the kids unsupervised and in charge of a 9 year old. They should have checked with you

In your shoes, I would emphasise to your child that they should always feel comfortable sharing anything they're not comfortable with, or phoning you so you can pick them up, phone every 20 mins or whatever you think suitable

Bobbins36 · 05/06/2022 18:55

Totally out of order, no more sleepovers there. However you don’t have to plan activities on a sleepover for 12yr olds!

RedHelenB · 05/06/2022 18:58

Sunnyjac · 05/06/2022 17:46

Contact safeguarding at school about her kids and never let yours stay over again

2 hours alone at that age isn't a safeguarding issue. 12+ you no longer get help with childcare on UC or WTC for eg. as they are deemed capable of being by themselves for the period between home and parents coming h8me from work.

lameasahorse · 05/06/2022 18:58

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Notaneffingcockerspaniel · 05/06/2022 18:58

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Original poster
Maves · 05/06/2022 19:08

Ok sick of explaining about activities-my kids enjoy that stuff making stuff-drawing etc so I make sure there's alway something to do I don't mean I sit in the bedroom with them in a onesie drinking hot chocolate and playing snakes and ladders so can we please stop saying you wouldn't plan activities! My kids and their friends Like stuff like that I don't make them do anything sometimes they just go on a walk or to the park it's there if they get bored!
But thanks for the replies on the actual issue I need to think about everything really.

Right now off to burn my sequins and priit sticks.

OP posts:
easyday · 05/06/2022 19:12

I started babysitting at 12, so if their daughter is comfortable with it that's ok. But if they have another child under their care then they should either check with you or not go - regardless getting pissed at a pub is not appropriate at all! At the very least their kids need to know how to get in touch in case they don't hear their mobiles.
During my sleepovers we were well capable of figuring out what to do ourselves, and if stuff was needed asking for it in advance.

crosstalk · 05/06/2022 19:18

Sorry, I don't understand this.


  1. The 12 year olds were left at home with a 9 year old and dog and unlocked doors while the parents went out for 2 hours. Dad came home and mum later, pissed.

  2. At another point the same parents take kids including yours to an activity and take on board so much liquor the children have to ask them to stop to be able to drive them home.

Whichever came first I would have questioned the second and it's on you as well as the drunken parents.

I'd have a "come and collect me" word for any teenager staying away/at parties which didn't make them lose face, and made sure I knew address and phone numbers.

And I agree if you have twelve year olds in the house at least one of you stays home, they have food to make or prepared and you agree television time and what's allowed on. I remember collecting a DS whose 12 year old host had put on an evil couple of thrillers and he found it hard to sleep that night and a few more.

I'd also ban sleepovers during term time. Kids stay up too long, come back tired and grumpy, don't finish their homework and often overnight get nasty or bullying with tiredness. To say nothing of nits!

DashboardConfessional · 05/06/2022 19:28

crosstalk · 05/06/2022 19:18

Sorry, I don't understand this.


  1. The 12 year olds were left at home with a 9 year old and dog and unlocked doors while the parents went out for 2 hours. Dad came home and mum later, pissed.

  2. At another point the same parents take kids including yours to an activity and take on board so much liquor the children have to ask them to stop to be able to drive them home.

Whichever came first I would have questioned the second and it's on you as well as the drunken parents.

I'd have a "come and collect me" word for any teenager staying away/at parties which didn't make them lose face, and made sure I knew address and phone numbers.

And I agree if you have twelve year olds in the house at least one of you stays home, they have food to make or prepared and you agree television time and what's allowed on. I remember collecting a DS whose 12 year old host had put on an evil couple of thrillers and he found it hard to sleep that night and a few more.

I'd also ban sleepovers during term time. Kids stay up too long, come back tired and grumpy, don't finish their homework and often overnight get nasty or bullying with tiredness. To say nothing of nits!

What's on TV with no adults is an excellent point. It's all right there on Netflix now. In my day we had to get us an adult to rent us The Exorcist and Scream!

Original poster
Maves · 05/06/2022 19:50

@crosstalk- yes I agree to a point it is on me, I didn't know the full details re the sleepover until just before the other incident. At no point though did I expect any parent to start drinking pints and doubles on a kids day out that wasn't even meant to involve being in a situation where alcohol was available so assumed all would be well. The day had been planned before I knew the other thing so have them the benefit of the doubt for all the kids sake but I was wrong.

OP posts:
Original poster
Maves · 05/06/2022 19:50

@crosstalk- yes I agree to a point it is on me, I didn't know the full details re the sleepover until just before the other incident. At no point though did I expect any parent to start drinking pints and doubles on a kids day out that wasn't even meant to involve being in a situation where alcohol was available so assumed all would be well. The day had been planned before I knew the other thing so have them the benefit of the doubt for all the kids sake but I was wrong.

OP posts:
Beelezebub · 05/06/2022 19:58

Maves · 05/06/2022 18:47

@Youaremysunshine14 thank you I do feel the point is being missed by some

Deliberately, no doubt

RenegadeMatron · 05/06/2022 19:58

Some people on this thread really are incredible.

Yes, it’s fine to leave your own child that age alone for an hour or two.

It absolutely is not OK to have another child over and leave them alone at night without running it by their parent, while you go to the pub to get hammered.

Cop on to yourselves.

Beautifulmonster87 · 05/06/2022 19:59

Maves · 05/06/2022 18:43

@Goldenbear thank you for backing up my "activities" honestly wish I'd never mentioned it I have younger dc and if we have other kids round they tend to do "activities" together especially if they dont t have siblings etc it's fun for them

I think you sound lovely and it’s really nice you do activities and try to make it nice for the children who stay over! It’s clear you care and were showing that you’re a caring parent unlike the other child’s! I wouldn’t say anything as it might cause issues for your child but don’t let her stay again for sure!

ChocolateHippo · 05/06/2022 20:05

RenegadeMatron · 05/06/2022 19:58

Some people on this thread really are incredible.

Yes, it’s fine to leave your own child that age alone for an hour or two.

It absolutely is not OK to have another child over and leave them alone at night without running it by their parent, while you go to the pub to get hammered.

Cop on to yourselves.

I know...ridiculous. Turning up drunk in front of someone else's child is not a good look (tbh, I don't think it's appropriate to do that to your own kids either).

And lots of girls that age enjoy crafty activities like jewellery making.

Svara · 05/06/2022 20:08

With 12 year olds I'd expect parents home by 10pm, with a NT 9 year old I'd expect them gone for less than two hours in daylight hours as I wouldn't consider the 12 year old to be a babysitter. If ND it would depend on the child. If not my 12 year old I'd check with the parent first, probably wouldn't from 13 though.

autienotnaughty · 05/06/2022 20:17

@Maves I personally wouldn't leave my dc at night at 12 but some people might. But definitely shouldn't be responsible for a younger child. Obviously the worst part is that they left your child unattended with our checking if it was ok!!!! It would be the last interaction I have with them and obviously my dc would not stop there again.

Dailyfailcanfeckoff · 05/06/2022 20:24

Yanbu - I am of the generation that was left alone at a younger age and babysat db - however parents did get babysitter til I was 14.

This day and age, if you have someone else’s child over you absolutely do need to stay sober and be available. Not fuck off out to the pub without visiting Childs parents knowledge.

It sounds to me like they used ops dc as companion for their dc whilst they had a nice little night out.

Thighdentitycrisis · 05/06/2022 20:39

It’s up to the parent to judge whether the it child is mature enough to be left alone.

she doesn’t get to decide on your child

DonnyBurrito · 05/06/2022 20:56

All it takes is one street smart 12 year old with a phone to invite lads round once she knows 'going to the office' means going to the pub. I knew some girls like that when I was that age, but mobiles were still in the Nokia 3210 era and social media wasn't a thing. Your daughter sounds cool but who knows what the other 12 year old is like behind closed doors?

YANBU.

BorisJohnsonatemyhampster · 05/06/2022 21:28

Its unacceptable to go out and not tell the parents of the guest child you plan to do so so they can decide if they are ok with it. Also why did they need to sneak off to the pub? The kids presumably would have been upstairs or playing or something. They could have easily sat downstairs with a bottle of wine? And I say this as someone who does sometimes leave DC11 home alone for an hour or so.

solvendie · 05/06/2022 21:38

My Dd is 12. We went to a dinner dance for the local rugby club in a hotel 10mins from our house. Dd asked her friend to stay over. Both manage£ to look after dog, get a takeaway and watch a film while we were away. We returned 1am no bother. However, parents of sleepover child were aware from outset that we were going out, DD and friend friend very responsible, dog very settled and we were a phone call away.

Whether this can be done is all dependent on circumstance and variables