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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feel so guilty and ashamed

128 replies

HellNo2 · 05/06/2022 06:35

So I went to a wedding with my DH this weekend (I didn’t know anybody and was a tad nervous)…people kept buying me shots and I stupidly drank them. I was so drunk to the point where the bride had to ask my DH had a problem with her sister as I kept banging into her when dancing 😢 I was also sick outside the venue…oh dear 😭

OP posts:
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 05/06/2022 10:56

It happens OP.

Most people are more wrapped up in themselves and worrying about their own behaviour than spending much time thinking about what other people were doing.

Niveasun · 05/06/2022 10:59

To be honest I wouldn’t even apologize as they probably won’t even remember and it will just remind them. You didn’t cause a scene or do anything that bad and if they are people you don’t see often anyway just take it as a lesson learned and move on.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 05/06/2022 10:59

Except Kool4katz the paragon of virtue obs 😂😂

theufointhe · 05/06/2022 11:00

how embarrassing. all you can do is apologise to bride and her sister and hope they forget about it in time

GoldPig · 05/06/2022 11:06

Two weddings still repeat on me decades later. I’ve given up going to weddings and given up drinking booze. The cringe never leaves.

FfeminyddCymraeg · 05/06/2022 11:10

OP, most of us have been there. I always think I’m the most drunk person but being rational, there would have been other people taking shots so you’re probably not the only one with hangiexty today.

Get some McDonald’s in to you and power through the day as best you can. You’ll feel better tomorrow

HarlanPepper · 05/06/2022 11:11

When I got married a couple of people had far too much to drink - we had a free bar so it was always going to happen! It didn't matter at all - was just good gossip for the day after. Try not to worry about it too much. I doubt you'll have been the only one, and I'm sure you'll try not to make the same mistake in future.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 05/06/2022 11:15

Just style it out with a note "First night out in ages and simply can't handle my booze these days!" and a bottle or some flowers. They'll remember that you apologised not that you were pissed.

Mammma91 · 05/06/2022 11:18

Ah Op you’ve embarrassed yourself but shit happens. Sober up today, have some food and a wash and ask your husband if he can get contact details for the brides sister and apologise. People generally go a bit OTT with drink at weddings but it’s just one of those things. You couldn’t handle it and have come to your senses. It doesn’t matter that your a mother, your kids were safe elsewhere. At least you never caused an uproar! And in the future you need to learn your limits because being sick outside the venue probably wasn’t pleasant for other guests and the one that was left cleaning it up.

Ugzbugz · 05/06/2022 11:22

Kool4katz · 05/06/2022 08:23

Are you 16? Using alcohol to change the way you feel and give you false courage is never a good idea. You need to grow up and take responsibility for your actions. Starting with apologies to the Bride and Bride’s sister and your DH too.

No, most of us haven’t done similar at someone else’s wedding as the majority of people are moderate drinkers and sadly, you will have earned yourself a reputation now which won’t be easy to change.

Consider swapping to soft drinks after the toasts at future gatherings?

The most dramatic response!

OP me and my friends have been there many times, the hangxiety will pass. I doubt anyone even remembers or will give it a second thought. People stagger drunk all the time.

NeedAHoliday2021 · 05/06/2022 11:22

Haha, love the “the rest of us drink in moderation” comment. I’m 40 and occasionally lose track of drinks. Bet you had a fab time. I’d message the bride to say it was a fabulous wedding and you were having such a good time you completely lost track of how much you’d been drinking and you’re so sorry for any embarrassment caused. Having young dc means you don’t get out much and can’t drink like you used to. Then wish her and her new dh best wishes. Job done.

hangrylady · 05/06/2022 11:30

Kool4katz · 05/06/2022 08:23

Are you 16? Using alcohol to change the way you feel and give you false courage is never a good idea. You need to grow up and take responsibility for your actions. Starting with apologies to the Bride and Bride’s sister and your DH too.

No, most of us haven’t done similar at someone else’s wedding as the majority of people are moderate drinkers and sadly, you will have earned yourself a reputation now which won’t be easy to change.

Consider swapping to soft drinks after the toasts at future gatherings?

OP is clearly not 16. Get over yourself and stop being such a smug, judgemental arse. I'm glad none of my friends are like you.

Pennyhill22 · 05/06/2022 11:31

My now SIL got drunk at our DDs christening,huge party for 100 people. She was young at the time and it was her first time meeting most of the extended family. She threw up in the bin outside in front of the Aunts and Uncles 😂She was mortified but it didn't bother me or DH as it didn't affect the party and she held it together until she got outside and the air hit her. We still laugh about it now. Lots of other drunk stories,we all do it.

BetsyBigNose · 05/06/2022 11:34

I used to wake up with 'the fear' regularly, my drinking was wildly out of control and I realised I had to stop about 10 years ago.

Last month it was my DSis's wedding and I felt so vindicated - several members of my family got inappropriately drunk and made complete twats of themselves and I realised that I never stood a chance of having a 'normal' relationship with alcohol, when this is how my family drink. It wasn't just younger people either, it was one of my parents in their 70's, an Aunt, two Uncles, a couple of cousins in their 30's/40's etc.. It's led to some huge fallouts, which still haven't been resolved; brothers and sisters not speaking, a 50 year old family secret being revealed with huge consequences... My teenaged DC were horrified to see what a state people were in, and I'm pretty sure it's put them both off alcohol for life (I can only hope!)

I agree with some PPs, OP you will feel better in a few days, it's always worst to begin with. Depending on your DP's relationship to the B&G, if it's appropriate to send them a card or something thanking them for having you and apologising for having made a bit of a tit of yourself, then I would do so - it will probably make you feel a bit better, but I'd wait a few days and see how you feel then. In the meantime, try not to beat yourself up!

drpet49 · 05/06/2022 11:37

“Apologise to the Bride and the Brides sister, if you can contact her. It is really shitty that the bride had to deal with this or that the brides sister, was left thinking someone had a problem with them.”

^This

Thepossibility · 05/06/2022 11:39

Kool4katz · 05/06/2022 08:23

Are you 16? Using alcohol to change the way you feel and give you false courage is never a good idea. You need to grow up and take responsibility for your actions. Starting with apologies to the Bride and Bride’s sister and your DH too.

No, most of us haven’t done similar at someone else’s wedding as the majority of people are moderate drinkers and sadly, you will have earned yourself a reputation now which won’t be easy to change.

Consider swapping to soft drinks after the toasts at future gatherings?

Not Kool, be nice.

Plet · 05/06/2022 11:50

It's really common, don't fret about it too much. Apologise and move on. I've cringed so badly at things I've done when drunk which other people probably hardly even thought anything of but I obsessed over for days.

The last wedding I went to, the maid of honour got so drunk she could barely stand. I was a friend of the bride and had met the maid of honour at the hen do. She'd been lovely and we'd got on well. We were all a bit merry at the hen do. At the wedding, she kept falling over her dress and I had to tie in into a knot because I thought she was going to knock herself out. She threw up outside and then fell asleep. At one point (before the point where she couldn't stand) the bride came over while we were talking and she said to her "we were just talking about how we get on better with each other than we do with you". It was so bitchy and not true at all! I actually gasped, she was the bloody maid of honour. Luckily, I don't think the bride really heard what she said because she didn't react to it and obviously had lots going on.

My own dad got so drunk at my wedding (I've never seen him drunk before) that he was throwing up all night. He was so embarrassed but I didn't judge him for it. It wasn't intentional. Try to focus on something else now. It's really unlikely that the bride will be focusing on you being drunk out of everything else that happened on her wedding day.

fghj149 · 05/06/2022 11:55

Been there about 10 times at least (I had a problem). Apologise to anyone you think deserves one and get some rest ❤️

Hawkins001 · 05/06/2022 12:06

All the best op

Original poster
HellNo2 · 05/06/2022 12:31

My DH just told me that when the bride approached him about it she said her sister was a bit of a nightmare so try and keep me away from her, I danced on the opposite side of the dance floor for the rest of the night.

OP posts:
Sleepingsatellite1 · 05/06/2022 12:33

Kool4katz · 05/06/2022 08:23

Are you 16? Using alcohol to change the way you feel and give you false courage is never a good idea. You need to grow up and take responsibility for your actions. Starting with apologies to the Bride and Bride’s sister and your DH too.

No, most of us haven’t done similar at someone else’s wedding as the majority of people are moderate drinkers and sadly, you will have earned yourself a reputation now which won’t be easy to change.

Consider swapping to soft drinks after the toasts at future gatherings?

Eurgh

Sleepingsatellite1 · 05/06/2022 12:39

Nothing worse than morning after anxiety and from your update it sounds like bride was worried her sister would kick right off if you kept bumping her. I have seen 10 x worse than this and I doubt it will stick out in the brides mind at all.

Original poster
HellNo2 · 05/06/2022 13:39

@Sleepingsatellite1 I really do hope so, I hate hangovers 😭

OP posts:
DangerouslyBored · 05/06/2022 13:55

@Kool4katz has made much more
of an arse of herself than you probably did.

I wouldn’t apologise. It will make a mountain out of a molehill. As long as you’ve learnt that shots aren’t your friend, that’s all that matters really.

Now stop beating yourself up and enjoy the rest of your afternoon, life is too short

KateMcCallister · 05/06/2022 14:13

CounsellorTroi · 05/06/2022 10:38

OP you are not the only one who has been sick outside a wedding venue!😳

I did. And I was the bride 😂😂😂

Sorted me right out to carry on drinking 🙈