FFS Pregnant at 41

[Curlyjaney11]

I have been buggered by the covid booster changing my menstrual cycle and have shockingly has a positive pregnancy test today.

I would love to keep it but think I would be unreasonable to. Been broody for 10 years but have purposely not had any more children. Firstly, I reckon I am about 4-6 weeks gone and have had a terrible month in terms of smoking and drinking. Have had 2 holidays and a festival in the last month where I have drank A LOT. I have 2 children aged 12 and 15 both with mild learning difficulties. One attends a special school and I think given my history, age and behaviour over the last month, the baby may have a profound disability. My kids are lovely and not hard work especially but they need extra help and not only am I worried about bringing a disabled child into the world when I could pass away when they are very young, the two I have need all the attention I can give them.

My husband is 3 years older than me and not in the best of health following a mini stroke. It would be daft wouldn’t it? Brain vs heart moment.

@Giraffesandbottoms completely agree! Any personal attacks can go. Where opinions are concerned they should stay and be argued or just ignored. If it was my thread I'd be mortified that someone felt the need to "protect" me! If I needed that I wouldn't post on Aibu!!!

It's as simple as this:
Do you want your life to remain the same? If yes, then terminate. Or are you excited about this change albeit nervous? Then continue.

In your circumstances I would terminate purely because you sound like you don't want another child.

You don't know if there is any disabilities but I appreciate you are saying that as a form of mitigation for considering a abortion. You don't need a "reason". Not wanting another child is reason enough.

Big hugs x

She was also considering keeping the baby. Why is that point not worth anything? I seriously think you have your own agenda and its not for the benefit of the op.

I found myself in a similar position and the only thing I would say is is often nature decides these things that your age, I certainly wouldn’t start knitting yet.

Whatever you decide to be the right decision

again…You have had an abortion and are presumably glad you made that decision (you said you didn’t regret it) yet you have no issue with someone telling someone who is now in the position you were once in that she will definitely regret it? Bizarre. I have no problem with someone saying they regret theirs (there are several posters on this thread saying this), why would I? I do however (I’ve repeated this several times but you don’t seem to be absorbing it) have a problem with someone stating as fact that every woman regrets having an abortion. In the same way I should expect to be deleted if I posted on a thread about pregnancy decisions ‘oh you should definitely have an abortion, in fact all women who carry to term regret it’. Which part are you finding hard to understand?

I got pregnant age 44, had only been with my dp a couple of months, I lost her at 16 weeks & at the time it broke my heart but now as ds is 18 I can't really think of what it would be like having a child going through puberty at my age as she would be now. Don't think about just doing the baby bit, look at what doing puberty would be like, being menopausal & having a child going through puberty.

@theufointhe I think you are so tied up with regret that you reported those posts for your own need. I don't regret my abortion which is why I can happily bypass the one or two comments and roll my eyes. I didn't need to disagree with them because it was just a couple of different opinions to mine.

For one person who said all women regret it, about ten times more said we didn't. That is what the op saw. Many people did say others had regretted having children, you didn't report them.

I don't really want to derail the thread. Op has her own issues and there are more productive people on here than us at the moment. We'll agree to disagree. Knock yourself out with reporting people, hopefully you listen more to others in real life.

Oh god you’re as unintelligent as the deleted poster. Perhaps even more so as you’ve benefited from abortion yourself and now this 🤦🏾‍♀️. I’ll continue to report anti choice posters yeh

My advice is quit while you're ahead. If this DC does have profound difficulties, it will probably make life very difficult.

@theufointhe hit a nerve right? Maybe report me 🤷‍♀️

@Sometimeswinning Just stop. Someone disagrees with you so she must regret her abortion 🙄. The cheap shot of someone who can’t back up her argument. If anyone is giving the impression of regret, it ain’t the poster you’re picking at

OP ignore the bickering and hand wringing on this thread and simply think about what’s best for YOU. There are many pros and cons to both decisions but one will make itself clear to you. You have plenty of time to think. Best of luck with your decision 💐

If you don’t like how mumsnet moderates, leave. i don’t know what else to tell you. i said I wouldn’t waste my time engaging with pro life trolls so you can stop trying pitifully to wind me up now 🙂

From your post you do not sound like you want another child. I won't tell you what to do or not to do but that's my observation.

Fwiw I think it might be good to get this post edited to remove the "ffs" as I think that might be why you've been met with some backlash, I know this is a parenting site but the title of this thread is a bit triggering.

Good luck with whatever you choose OP.

Hope you are OK, OP.

Taking everything into consideration I personally wouldn't want to make life harder in your position, so would end the pregnancy. It is completely up to you though. Do you have the time and resources to raise another child?

FWIW, I've had 2 abortions, almost 15 years apart. I don't regret either of them. The right decision for me. I vividly remember women of different ages being there, some teenagers;yes, but some women in their 30s and 40s.
I still do think about 'what if', it's only human nature. I agree with a PP who said you can still regret it and it be the right decision. I had counselling after both which helped.

I hope you find peace either way

Thank you all so much. I’ve been weighing so many things up today. It’s very sad but I think I am leaning towards termination. I think we have too much going on in our lives. I’m frightened of having a baby with a serious disability because I don’t think we would be able to cope and I think I need to focus on the children I have.. It’s weird because if I hadn’t had any kids, I wouldn’t feel too old but we do and it feels like now We are too old. And also daft little things have entered my head. My kids adore our dog and she loves them but she is so snappy about being grabbed roughly and food being taken from her. . Babies and toddlers grab dogs roughly. My kids would be completely devastated if I had to rehome her. I love the idea of going through the baby/ toddler stage again but dislike the thought of the later things. I think it’s just the wrong time for me sadly.

Ive researched and it seems that medical abortion over the phone is what I will be offered and pills sent in the post. I have been getting aching in one side of the lower abdomen. Im a bit worried about ectopic pregnancy and this method would miss it.

OP. It is not an easy time for you either way.

Take care of yourself. Perhaps it would be a good idea to see a doctor before you take the pills. Unless, ofcourse you are in a location where abortions aren't legal. I hope you are though and that you can get the care you need.