FFS Pregnant at 41

[Curlyjaney11]

I have been buggered by the covid booster changing my menstrual cycle and have shockingly has a positive pregnancy test today.

I would love to keep it but think I would be unreasonable to. Been broody for 10 years but have purposely not had any more children. Firstly, I reckon I am about 4-6 weeks gone and have had a terrible month in terms of smoking and drinking. Have had 2 holidays and a festival in the last month where I have drank A LOT. I have 2 children aged 12 and 15 both with mild learning difficulties. One attends a special school and I think given my history, age and behaviour over the last month, the baby may have a profound disability. My kids are lovely and not hard work especially but they need extra help and not only am I worried about bringing a disabled child into the world when I could pass away when they are very young, the two I have need all the attention I can give them.

My husband is 3 years older than me and not in the best of health following a mini stroke. It would be daft wouldn’t it? Brain vs heart moment.

Only you know how you truly feel & what you want to do.
I hope you find peace with your decision.

Definitely sounds like time for an abortion. Husband with poor health, older children with extra needs, the time a baby would take would take away from either your current children or husband.

but you will certainly regret your abortion

That's not true, if op is certain in her decision the likelihood of her regretting it is very minimal. Women who usually regret having an abortion is when they weren't 100% sure or it wasn't entirely their decision.

Op, do whatever's right for you.

report the anti choice trolls rather than engaging with them, they like the attention

OP your drinking and smoking won’t have had any effect at this stage, the placenta hasn’t started functioning yet. But if you don’t want to be pregnant, that’s reason enough to abort. Do whatever’s right for you and your family

I am the same age as you and was in your exact position a few months ago, down to having two much older DC with SEN.

I would have aborted but when I went for a scan it turned out there was no heartbeat so I had a MMC. In a way it was the best outcome as it was taken out of my hands and I had nothing to feel guilty about.

But without any shadow of a doubt I would have aborted. It would have taken a lot away from my existing DC and I was worried about having a third with disabilities.

And honestly the thought of going back to nappies, food smushed into everything, toddler groups, Peppa fucking Pig…just no. Been there and done that.

Whatever you decide will be the right decision for you.
No regrets.

I smoked and drank with my first 2 children until I got a positive pregnancy test and they've been fine.

I don't know if there is a genetic predisposition to learning difficulties so don't know how likely it is that another child would also have learning difficulties.

But you say they're mild so don't need that much looking after?

Your husband having had a stroke - does that mean that you have to care for him?

It would be quite an age gap though - would you be happy to go back to having a baby?

Do you know the chances of there being learning difficulties? Neither of my children were neurotypical and raising them was really hard. They are both doing well now at university. I'm too old for more children but I don't think I could have coped with a third - there just wouldnt have been enough of me and my husband to have been spread over three.

For balance. I had an abortion when i was pretty young and didn't regret it. I am 43 now and have 2 children, one nd. If I fell pregnant I would abort again for similar reasons to you ie I don't think I would have the time to be able to fully be there for my older children. I 100% would not regret it. But obviously this is your decision

In your position I would terminate

Only you can make this decision. If you want to go ahead, I’m sure you can make it work. If you decide to terminate, do it to focus on your existing 2 children. Neither decision is “right”, it’s whatever you make work. Good luck :)

I don’t think I would do it in your situation. A large age gap is the reason why DH and I decided not to have a child together (we have them with other people so it was a hard decision) Anyway, my auntie did it 15 years apart and was constantly whinging that ‘she’d been bringing up kids for 30
years’. My mum’s response was ‘well you have’ 😆 Mum was a bit fed up of the whinging at that point.

Good luck with your choice @Curlyjaney11

Not regretted it either. Often feel relief.

It is YOUR choice. You haven't planned this, you're worried about your current children, you've been blindsided. Make a decision that's right for you and your family

My DD had a termination, never regretted it, I think of it now and again but no regrets.

It's not just about having a baby, it's starting from scratch all over again - years of nappies, years of school runs, years of teenagers tantrums . I had a baby at 42 - I don't regret it but it's bloody hard work . He is now 13, so we are hitting the teenage years which frankly are a pain .

you will certainly regret your abortion

No. 1/3 UK women have an abortion in their childbearing years. 33% of the population are not lingering away with howling regret.

You will likely never regret your baby but you will certainly regret your abortion

I absolutely regret the abortion I had as a teenager, 100 per cent BUT if I found myself pregnant in a similar situation to the OP I'd have an another abortion without guilt or regret because it's all about the reasons and circumstances.

OP you sound like you have a lot on your plate - make the decision that suits you and your family. I do believe in focusing on what we already have and what the impact would be there.

This is absolutely not true

www.medicinesinpregnancy.org/Medicine--pregnancy/Alcohol/

I don't think I'd worry too much about the smoking and drinking. I think that's probably quite common before women know they're pregnant. But the rest does sound difficult. Did you feel pleased or gutted when you realised you were pregnant? How would you feel tomorrow if you woke up and weren't pregnant?

Have you had an abortion before? Ignore the trolls telling you that all women regret their abortions - it's obviously untrue. I had an abortion in between my two children because I couldn't cope with a baby at that point and felt nothing but relief. I have a fairly large age gap (8 years) between my two and found going back to the baby stage really difficult. I'd forgotten how overwhelming and difficult it was for me.

If you're as early as you think, there's still time for you to explore options. You could have testing to determine any disabilities. I assume there is some kind of counselling available too so that you can talk through your options. I'm sorry you find yourself having to make a hard decision but you sound like a good mum considering the impact on your existing children and I wish you all the best whatever you choose.

Your older children are not far from adult years.This baby may be born perfectly fine and I think that's the bit that concerns you more so,if someone told you your baby will be okay would you be more likely to continue with your pregnancy? I think you seem like a great caring mother and thats why this is a difficult decision for you,I would be afraid if you abort ths baby t will be harder n you than if you keep it

Nothing certain about it, what a horrible thing to say. I had a termination at 41, one which I really didn’t want but was, at the time, the least worst option. I haven’t regretted it for a second.

Only you can decide OP. Wishing you all the best, whatever you decide.

@Nsky62

why on earth would she want to do that?!

have you not read her post? Do you not think she’s got enough on her plate in life without going through an unwanted pregnancy too?

@AirGirl

what bollocks you speak.

I know lots of women who have abortions and had zero regrets.

oh and women can and do regret having children….there are posts on here all the time about that very thing