Daughters 22 year old boyfriend shes known for 13 days

[Nothappyatwork]

Is going to be spending the weekend sleeping overnight at Ex’s house with my young not teenage yet son.

am I unreasonable to say no ?
daughter is 18 (if that’s relevant). he’s completely lost all control of her.

But equally no, my child does not know that people have sex.

This is a joke right? Of course he knows that people have sex. Believing he doesn’t is actually hilarious.

everything youve put is irrelevant apart from the fact they have been together for 13 days. would be a no from me until 3 months

I don’t understand what the issue with the son has to do with it?

She’s an adult and entitled not to have her sex life policed. l would have done the same at 18, indeed l did the same. I’m early 40s now and not scarred for life as a result.

She's an adult. You don't get to say no.

And it's not even your house.

Why does the fact that it is in the family home make a difference to how “relaxed” people should be about it?

There are several issues here really.

She’s having sex at 18. Nobody is going to be able to prevent that.

OP and many others don’t want her bringing some random bloke home. I wouldn’t either. She’s perfectly entitled to make that decision.

She is however not entitled to tell her ex who he can and can’t have staying over. And she’s not entitled to withhold contact based on her disapproval of his house rules.

I do wonder if half the posters who post this actually HAVE teens or had them. Or if they are pretty young themselves and get cross about parental control?
I'm in my late thirties with a 16 year old. I wasn't controlled as a teen in matters relating to my personal life so I'm not cross about that.

But equally no, my child does not know that people have sex. I don’t particularly want him to find out by walking in on his sister is not out of the bloody question.

Don't be ridiculous. Of course he know that people including members of his family have sex. I'm sure he has seen a lot more than you think on this thing we call the Internet.

They've been together for a fortnight!

Objecting to them staying together isn't prudish.

I would not be happy if my 18 yo had a boyfriend who she’d known for less than 2 weeks over, regardless of whether there was other children there or not.

If she was living in my house I would want to try and teach her to respect herself and I’d do that by not letting her have brand new boyfriends around.

However, it’s not your house it’s your exes and so if he doesn’t mind then there’s not a lot you can do about it.
I just hope for her sake he’s a decent guy.

There's some serious doublethink going on here by some people.

On the one hand, she's 18, so apparently she's now legally entitled to have sex with whoever she wants, whenever she wants, wherever she wants.

And at the same time, it's much less risky for her to be having sex with this stranger at her dad's house than at the stranger's house. Because it's actually quite risky behaviour, having sex with strangers. But she's still totally entitled to do it, even in your partner's house, with your younger son asleep in the next room.

How would the son know they have only been together for a fortnight? All he will know is that his adult sister has a boyfriend.

Objecting to them staying together isn't prudish. no, it isn’t. But it achieves nothing.

She’s going to sleep with him whether her parents agree or not.

No I wouldn’t want it under my roof and I wouldn’t agree to him staying over, but having those views isn’t going to stop it happening anyway somewhere else.

Well he knows she didn’t have a boyfriend two weeks ago when he last visited 🙄
she is rather prone to Oversharing as well.

it's perfectly reasonable for parents to continue to set boundaries for their child past the age of 17yrs and 364 days

I’d have liked to see my parents try that and it’s 51 years since I was 17 and 364 days - I was married by then.

she is rather prone to Oversharing as well. so she knows people have sex then 😂

What a nasty comment.

So the aim here is not to stop it,
im aware that’s futile at this point.
You would think though they could perhaps keep here hands off each other for 24 hours while her brother visits, basic curtesy and consideration. Anyway,
X agrees with me, it’s not happening, thanks for the input.

She is an adult and entitled to have sex with who she likes, 13 days relationship or no. However, she has no automatic right to do so in anyone else's house. This dilemma would be easily solved by your ex (who apparently isn't happy about it) saying no to the new boyfriend being there.

@Blossomtoes When you were a teenager, the school leaving age was 15. Some teens were working and self-supporting at 18. So they had more autonomy.

I'd have been very concerned however if my DCs had married at 18 simply because the vast majority of young marriages break up.

And of course at 18 you can legally marry but that doesn't mean it's a good thing to do.

It’s not about being prudish, it is about teaching boys to respect women.

Worst case scenario.

no

Wtf relevance is school leaving age? 18 is 18.

Of course getting married at 18 isn’t a good idea (it never was) but neither is treating an adult like a child.

She is an adult, but I wouldn't be comfortable with my sister or a friend in her 40s turning up to stay and expecting me to be okay with a boyfriend of less than 2 weeks staying. I'd expect to meet him outside of staying over first - and as I'm not geographically close to many of my friends, I'd expect them to manage a weekend sleeping apart after such a short time. And I'd expect a similar response if I were going to stay with family or friends regardless of who else is in the house. Relationships need to be more established before someone stays over with others, and you'd expect boundaries to be even firmer with parents than say, 18 year old friends in a shared house.