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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Re babysitting half siblings

136 replies

lovelilies · 31/05/2022 19:42

Who IBU in this scenario?

Dcs age 5 and 8 have a half sister, nearly 17, who they live with with their mum. The smalls stay 2 nights every week at their Dads.

The dad has a new job and didn't take into account childcare for his first day which was on the Monday of half term so asked their older half sister to look after them for him. It was her only 'day off' that week.
He offered to 'buy you guys lunch' and wanted her to look after them 11-2.

The sister and the grandmother (who drove) took them to a soft play area and bought lunch which came to £39 in total.

Their mum was working nights so couldn't have them.

He originally gave the sister £10 in cash which paid their entry into the play area.

He came home 2.30pm.
He asked how much it had cost and she said £30 ish. Then he said "let me know how much your food cost and message me".

Later he messaged the GM to see what it all cost but she wasn't sure as she hadn't paid any of it.

Then he PayPal'd the mother £15 to give to sister with a message that he didn't feel it was reasonable and they were taking advantage of him by taking the kids out and expecting him to pay.
Sister didn't ask for any money but kind of expected it as he had offered to pay for lunch.

The Dad earns nearly a 6 figure salary just to be clear.

So who IBU?
The sister for assuming the smalls' Dad would remunerate her for the cost of outing or the Dad for not covering the costs of the outing or paying the sister for babysitting.

OP posts:
0utwitted · 31/05/2022 19:46

If ive understood correctly he not only did notvappreciate that a 17 year old saved his bacon but then doubted her word wrt the cost of the play area.

I would let him know that he needs to sort out childcare, and id feel a bit used to have done him a favour qnd be called a liar basically.

Have i understood correctly???

Jalepenojello · 31/05/2022 19:46

Really hard to follow but I think I get the gist. I wouldn’t take someone’s kids somewhere and then bill them for it however he left them in the care of a 17 year old so I can see how it happen. He should pay up, they did him a favour.

LakeTiticaca · 31/05/2022 19:47

The Dad. He's taking the piss and has now probably lost an option of childcare.

Hankunamatata · 31/05/2022 19:48

£39 for lunch in a play centre for 2 adults and 2 kids. Seems very pricey.

Goandplay · 31/05/2022 19:49

He’s being completely unreasonable. I hope he remembers this when the 17 year old is bust next time.

isthenewsuff · 31/05/2022 19:49

The dad is an arsehole.

Vikinga · 31/05/2022 19:49

Ge is being unreasonable

lovelilies · 31/05/2022 19:51

Yes @outwitted that's the gist

It's about right for lunch entry and drinks for four people.. she has the receipt anyway if required

OP posts:
SoggyPaper · 31/05/2022 19:51

Hankunamatata · 31/05/2022 19:48

£39 for lunch in a play centre for 2 adults and 2 kids. Seems very pricey.

Lunch and entry I assume. Entry is often £7.50+ per child these days. And they charge for adults in many places. Then lunch for 4…

They we’re doing him a huge favour. Of course he should pay and stop being a miserly git.

OP: you cannot be surprised that your ex is so shit.

DogWithMyOwnRoom · 31/05/2022 19:52

He should pay up - he can afford it, kids had a nice outing and their sister/GM shouldn’t be out of pocket. He is being a cheapskate.
Yes maybe communication could have been better but lesson learned for next time.

barbie2022edition · 31/05/2022 19:53

Well he's lost a childcare option now hasnt he. He's made it far too much trouble for someone doing him a favour.

0utwitted · 31/05/2022 19:54

He clearly never takes kids out and has no idea how easily spent 30 is. There were two adults after all, well the 17 year oldcand the grandma. Two adult lunches, 2 kids' lunches. Sounds like a plausible amount to anybody who takes their kids out

barbie2022edition · 31/05/2022 19:55

Cheeky fucker isn't he. So now over £40 that he can afford he's pissed everyone off. No one will want to do him a favour now.

SpringSparrow · 31/05/2022 19:55

The dad is being unreasonable. The sister should not be out of pocket for looking after her half siblings. If the sister has any sense she won’t be so willing to help him out again.

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 31/05/2022 19:56

He should pay. The older sister and grandmother have saved his bacon and they shouldn’t be left out of pocket because he can’t organise his life.

Awrite · 31/05/2022 19:56

Well, at least the 17 year never has to babysit for them again (when it's for their Dad anyway).

He's BU.

Badgirlriri · 31/05/2022 19:58

Going against popular opinion it seems, I don’t think he is being unreasonable.
i wouldn't decide to take my nephew out and then bill his mother after. If she insisted she’d pay I’d ask her before her if this cost is ok etc. £39 is a lot.

ifoundthebread · 31/05/2022 19:59

Hankunamatata · 31/05/2022 19:48

£39 for lunch in a play centre for 2 adults and 2 kids. Seems very pricey.

£7.50 per child in the cheapest soft play area around me. So that's £25 for 2 adults and 2 children's lunch, assuming drink would have been bought for all as most places don't allow to bring your own. Maybe grandma should of offered to pay for her own

Even without knowing numbers £40 for 3.5 hours childcare for 2 children at very short notice is a fair price to pay. Complaining he didn't agree to pay for teen to take children out Is a fair enough comment but the ideal way to make sure she won't help him out in future.

drpet49 · 31/05/2022 20:02

“i wouldn't decide to take my nephew out and then bill his mother after. If she insisted she’d pay I’d ask her before her if this cost is ok etc. £39 is a lot.”

^This, I agree with this

WooNoodle · 31/05/2022 20:08

Badgirlriri · 31/05/2022 19:58

Going against popular opinion it seems, I don’t think he is being unreasonable.
i wouldn't decide to take my nephew out and then bill his mother after. If she insisted she’d pay I’d ask her before her if this cost is ok etc. £39 is a lot.

I agree. He said he would cover lunch. So she should have assumed he would cover a sensibly priced lunch. I mean she'd be silly to take them to the ritz and expect him to pay.

However, she saved his bacon so in this instance I think he should pay up and next time be explicit, I will give you £20 to get lunch etc plus £20 for your time.

CordeliaLOVEScocktails · 31/05/2022 20:09

Personally if it was my own family (favour or not) I'd cover any non agreed optional costs. Why couldn't teen have them at home and make them lunch?

Theworldisquiethere · 31/05/2022 20:14

Badgirlriri · 31/05/2022 19:58

Going against popular opinion it seems, I don’t think he is being unreasonable.
i wouldn't decide to take my nephew out and then bill his mother after. If she insisted she’d pay I’d ask her before her if this cost is ok etc. £39 is a lot.

but it’s not their aunt who took them out, it’s their teenage sister who was asked to look after them. She’s not even really an adult herself. He expects free childcare from her because he was badly organised, and for her to pay to entertain them. It seems very unfair on the teenage daughter to me.

whatstheteamarie · 31/05/2022 20:16

She should send the Dad the receipt to prove the cost and he should pay her back.

She should also let him know that by questioning her integrity in this way he's lost all chance of her ever babysitting again.

She took time, petrol and got nothing from it except a question over her morals and a dent in her bank balance.

Very shitty of the Dad, if there was a set budget he should have stated that from the start.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 31/05/2022 20:19

Its shit of the dad. Next time she will refuse or sit them infront of the tablet so it doesn't cost her anything. If someone does you a favour you don't quibble about how they've done it and put them in a worse position than they were in before

Whatever00 · 31/05/2022 20:26

He is a dickhead. She shouldn't babysit for him again.