Re babysitting half siblings

[lovelilies]

Who IBU in this scenario?

Dcs age 5 and 8 have a half sister, nearly 17, who they live with with their mum. The smalls stay 2 nights every week at their Dads.

The dad has a new job and didn't take into account childcare for his first day which was on the Monday of half term so asked their older half sister to look after them for him. It was her only 'day off' that week.
He offered to 'buy you guys lunch' and wanted her to look after them 11-2.

The sister and the grandmother (who drove) took them to a soft play area and bought lunch which came to £39 in total.

Their mum was working nights so couldn't have them.

He originally gave the sister £10 in cash which paid their entry into the play area.

He came home 2.30pm.
He asked how much it had cost and she said £30 ish. Then he said "let me know how much your food cost and message me".

Later he messaged the GM to see what it all cost but she wasn't sure as she hadn't paid any of it.

Then he PayPal'd the mother £15 to give to sister with a message that he didn't feel it was reasonable and they were taking advantage of him by taking the kids out and expecting him to pay.
Sister didn't ask for any money but kind of expected it as he had offered to pay for lunch.

The Dad earns nearly a 6 figure salary just to be clear.

So who IBU?
The sister for assuming the smalls' Dad would remunerate her for the cost of outing or the Dad for not covering the costs of the outing or paying the sister for babysitting.

Whose grandmother was it?
I would have expected her to pay for herself and if they are all her grandchildren for them all

He should pay her and sort out his childcare properly.

He should be grateful that the 17 year old went out of her way to give her sisters a nice time. She could have just stayed home keeping half an eye on them while sat on her phone. The dad is a horrible, ungrateful tight arse.

I'm another one who doesn't think the father is being entirely unreasonable. It depends how much lunch would normally cost for the step sister and two kids but in that situation I wouldn't have taken the kids to soft play without checking with him as it hadn't been discussed/agreed that he was happy to pay for it. That said he should pay up and chalk it up to experience given she helped him out of a tight spot - this is not worth the argument when she did him a massive favour! Next time he should set a clearer budget.

Do agree in principal that father should have set boundaries but as it sounds like he can afford it he should write it off and be grateful

I think grandma should probably pay for her own and the dad should pay the rest as a possible compromise

But dad sounds a dick.

Not sure if texting someone about such a minor thing on their first day in a new job is a great idea?

I'd only want to be contacted in an emergency.

The SD, used her initiative to entertain two young children, for someone so stupid he didn't arrange childcare on his first day?

Yet he expects exemplary forward planning and checking from everyone else?

If he's on a six figure salary I'd expected him to have the disposable income to suck this up

The Dad is being unreasonable in my opinion.

The 17 year old did him a favour and he should've set a budget or given her cash. If I sent my 17 year old out for shopping for example he'd spend a fortune so I'd give him a maximum budget.

Days out cost a fortune and they had a lovely time with their sister, he needs to cough up and move on.

I think the involvement of the grandmother threw everything into question really and confused the matter.
The Dad paying for lunch would be a nice gesture.

He's being unreasonable. I'm guessing it was easier for her to take them out that sit in his house anyway - and he obviously expected her to take them out for lunch so it wasn't as if he said spend nothing. TBH she should have been paid for her time as well.

The dad can afford it, so should just pay! He is being ridiculous really! I wouldn't do him any more favours especially on my day off!

Whose idea was it to go to soft play and pay £39 for the privilege? If it was grandmas idea, IMO she should have paid as the responsible adult.

I imagine when dad said "I'll pay for lunch" he was thinking more along the lines of McDonalds or a picnic.

So while he shouldn't leave the 17yo out of pocket, she wasn't forced to spend £40 in soft play either.

Well, now he can pay childcare and think wistfully of if he’s only paid for lunch for his children and their unpaid babysitter.

Last minute childcare doesn't come cheap, you have to pay for the pleasure!

Well, now he can pay childcare and think wistfully of if he’s only paid for lunch for his children and their unpaid babysitter.

I'm just looking at it from the viewpoint that the 17yo didn't have to pay to take them anywhere and that wasn't dads' expectation - he said he'd cover lunch, not lunch plus soft play.

So why choose to take them somewhere expensive when that wasn't the deal and without checking first?

Yes but you aren’t 17 and probably earn a wage?

@Blarting I understand that but in this case he never agreed to pay for more than lunch.

If 17yo wanted paying for her time and also wanted money for an outing, that should have been discussed before surely?

I do think dad should pay her back btw, but maybe with the caveat that she needs to ask next time, not just assume he'll cover all the bills.

So again, you think someone of there first day at a new job (with a six figure salary) needs to be disturbed with something as trivial about can I take the children to soft play?

Really?

You'd be impressed by a text exchange or phone call over that on day one, all because he did everything last minute?

Maybe the caveat should be he shouldn't forget he needs childcare of his children? That's the issue here, disorganised and then he has to suck it up. If if was SD, I wouldn't expect to give free childcare for his disorganisation. He should be laying the soft play and the SD, because the alternative might have been missing his first day in a new job.

He offered to 'buy you guys lunch' How were they meant to get somewhere for lunch without the grandmother driving?

The Dad presumably has the money to pay for it & is an ungrateful twat.

however, there's a lesson in it for the DD too 'Don't spend other peoples money without checking it's ok first'

DadTwat should clarify what he he meant by 'buy you guys lunch' - where/how/how much.

£40 at soft play -entry & lunch would be about right here.

rascalssoftplay.co.uk

Quick google seems to show £40 is the going rate

£15 entry
£20 on lunch x 4
£5 on coffee x 2

Wow, he must really be confident he's not going to need emergency childcare at any point if he's willing to chuck away one of the options for the sake of £24. Cheeky twat. Even if he thought lunch was expensive he should've paid it as a thank you when your DD was so kind as to give up her only free day.

If I'd been told it was £39 I would have rounded it up to £50 and happily paid. The sister was doing him a favour and the grandmother too in providing transport. Taking kids out for half a day is not unreasonable and £39 is not a huge amount for lunch unless he was expecting her to take them to McDonald's. How much would an actual babysitter have cost without lunch and activities?
He's being mean with his money, unappreciative and went back on his word. He is now unlikely to have such an easy solution to a problem he created.

Exactly, you can't penny pinch and be disorganised!