Re babysitting half siblings

[lovelilies]

Who IBU in this scenario?

Dcs age 5 and 8 have a half sister, nearly 17, who they live with with their mum. The smalls stay 2 nights every week at their Dads.

The dad has a new job and didn't take into account childcare for his first day which was on the Monday of half term so asked their older half sister to look after them for him. It was her only 'day off' that week.
He offered to 'buy you guys lunch' and wanted her to look after them 11-2.

The sister and the grandmother (who drove) took them to a soft play area and bought lunch which came to £39 in total.

Their mum was working nights so couldn't have them.

He originally gave the sister £10 in cash which paid their entry into the play area.

He came home 2.30pm.
He asked how much it had cost and she said £30 ish. Then he said "let me know how much your food cost and message me".

Later he messaged the GM to see what it all cost but she wasn't sure as she hadn't paid any of it.

Then he PayPal'd the mother £15 to give to sister with a message that he didn't feel it was reasonable and they were taking advantage of him by taking the kids out and expecting him to pay.
Sister didn't ask for any money but kind of expected it as he had offered to pay for lunch.

The Dad earns nearly a 6 figure salary just to be clear.

So who IBU?
The sister for assuming the smalls' Dad would remunerate her for the cost of outing or the Dad for not covering the costs of the outing or paying the sister for babysitting.

Either I've completely lost the plot or anyone supporting the dad here is nuts. People would genuinely expect a child who is babysitting two other children to pay for their lunches, even after the dad said he would pay for them to go out for lunch?! The dad said he would pay for lunch - so he should pay for lunch. A child isn't responsible for paying for their siblings just because they've agreed to babysit (for free). A paid babysitter wouldn't be expected to pay for lunch after the parents said they would pay so why should a free babysitter do that, especially when they're a child themselves?!

1. Are you 17?
2. Is your nephew actually your sibling?
3. Did you only take them for lunch because you were told by the parent that they'd pay for lunch?

Unless the answer is yes to those then you'll recognise that it's not the same situation at all.

Really, where do you go as we would quite regularly spend this amount if not more 😳

£39 on soft play and lunch for 4 is absolutely blowing my mind. That would be about £20 here.

He should pay it though.

Really? Say £5 each child for entry leaves 29 for lunch for 4 that's 7.25 each. Not that bad.

She's done the dad a massive favour. He should be covering the cost. I imagine next time he asks her to babysit she will refuse and rightly so.

What other childcare could he get at short notice for 3 hours including food for 2 children for 39 pounds? He is ridiculous. Maybe if he was poor it would be slightly more understandable but he is very well off!

What an arsehole. I'd never babysit for him again. My parents wouldn't have paid me to babysit - as in pay for my time, but they'd cover any costs if I took my brother out. Has the father ever gone to soft play? Does he know it's one of the circles of hell? Or is he annoyed because he feels the GM did the babysitting and not dd?

I don’t entirely understand how he ended up paying for the grandmothers lunch too; that’s the only part I might be surprised at if I was him. I do wonder how much he thought lunch would be for 2 kids and an adult though

So where you are you can get lunch for£5 each and softplay is free entry? Or costs £2 per child and lunch is £4? Interested to know how it is split

He should’ve paid for entry into the play area and then given the sister £20 or so as a thank you. Have lunch at home if it’s “too expensive” for him.

I doubt he could’ve organised professional childcare for 2 young dc for 3hrs for £39.

Entry is £4.95 per child with a kid's meal from a selected menu included.

Adult meals around £5, drinks £1-2.

They have a table with perishables they're unlikely to use before the best before date that are free to take too, so we often come home with a bag of croissants or a loaf of bread for the freezer 😁

He offered to pay for lunch. Granted it is probably more than he expected to pay, but he should have established the facts in a non judgemental way, then paid up.
If I were her, I'd not be child minding again.

This! What a stupid arsehole dad is. Best hope he doesn't fuckup again.

Earns a six figure salary but forgets childcare duties? Idiot!

The dad sounds a right dickhead.

If I’ve understood this correctly, the 17 yo isn’t even his dd, although presumably he was her step dad at some point?

So he’s asked his ex wife’s child to mind two siblings, one of them very young, for the day for free, but just offered to “cover lunch”. I’d have expected him to pay her on top tbh! Especially as it’s her only day off. Knobhead. At least she’ll know never to say she’ll babysit again!

Im assuming grandma is not his Mum either?

Because she was the adult who drove the kids there and was overseeing the older child.

Remember 17 is legally a child.

He's not her dad, tbh she doesn't like him, was a rubbish 'step dad'.
GM is the mothers mother, elderly with lung condition not able to manage 2 boisterous kids by herself.
The elder sister has babysat siblings for mum a good few times but in their own home where her stuff is etc. and is usually paid in cash or takeaway.

Thanks for all the input though- I was of the view that the sister was doing him a favour and even if it cost more than he anticipated he should've just coughed up without the drama

The father should pay. If the cost is an issue for him, he should pay this time and learn to set a limit in advance next time.

Everyone involved should ensure the teen is fully empowered to tell him to piss off next time, that she was out of pocket last time she did him a huge favour and if he ever took his own children out he’d know how much it costs and now he can also find out how expensive childcare or taking time off work is. If it helps her, our nanny charged £13 an hour. Plus any entry costs or buying food for dc of course.

You are right - he absolutely should pay. The 17yo did him a favour at short notice and his children were well taken care of so he was out at very little effort to himself, except to pay for the costs incurred which, judging from some PP comments, were reasonable.

That favour is now unlikely to be repeated (I wouldn't, in her shoes) and he'll now need to find someone else to look after his children when the circumstances arise in future. Ungrateful and short-sighted of him. 🌹

Going against popular opinion it seems, I don’t think he is being unreasonable.
i wouldn't decide to take my nephew out and then bill his mother after
Same.
I've often agreed to look after my nephew and then decided we'd go do something fun together. I'd never bill my brother and sil for it. Wouldn't 'charge' for lunch because it would never occur to me 🤷‍♀️

I've also never been asked to pay when others have looked after my children and then chosen to go somewhere. Just seems weird to me

He's basically saying he wanted her to babysit but didn't sign off on the trip out so doesn't see why he should have to pay ! But he's being totally unreasonable and should pay for it all plus paying for her time
Would advise her to never help again !!

But would be curious to know who's idea the play centre was ? Kind of sounds like grandma said come on let's take them out and tire them out and she went along with it
Either way a 17 year old should not be out of pocket for helping especially as sounds like he can well afford it and next time should give a budget or set expectations! Personally I'd be thrilled my kids got taken out and wouldn't hesitate to pay for it

Well it's between £20 - £50 for half day childcare per child so for two children that would be £100 max in my area. The cost depends on whether it's a childminder, nursery or activity club. The father is taking advantage of the teenager. He is also being a tight fisted arse particularly because he's a high earner.

He needs to pay 40 as expenses plus babysitting money. And he very very grateful, not act like a dick.