Re babysitting half siblings

[lovelilies]

Who IBU in this scenario?

Dcs age 5 and 8 have a half sister, nearly 17, who they live with with their mum. The smalls stay 2 nights every week at their Dads.

The dad has a new job and didn't take into account childcare for his first day which was on the Monday of half term so asked their older half sister to look after them for him. It was her only 'day off' that week.
He offered to 'buy you guys lunch' and wanted her to look after them 11-2.

The sister and the grandmother (who drove) took them to a soft play area and bought lunch which came to £39 in total.

Their mum was working nights so couldn't have them.

He originally gave the sister £10 in cash which paid their entry into the play area.

He came home 2.30pm.
He asked how much it had cost and she said £30 ish. Then he said "let me know how much your food cost and message me".

Later he messaged the GM to see what it all cost but she wasn't sure as she hadn't paid any of it.

Then he PayPal'd the mother £15 to give to sister with a message that he didn't feel it was reasonable and they were taking advantage of him by taking the kids out and expecting him to pay.
Sister didn't ask for any money but kind of expected it as he had offered to pay for lunch.

The Dad earns nearly a 6 figure salary just to be clear.

So who IBU?
The sister for assuming the smalls' Dad would remunerate her for the cost of outing or the Dad for not covering the costs of the outing or paying the sister for babysitting.

The teenager gave up her one day off to look after her siblings, thus getting the dad out of a childcare problem of his own making. The least he can do is cough up a few quid - which he can easily afford - for her to take them out for the afternoon. He’s a massive dickhead and if I was their sister I wouldn’t be helping him out again.

She may be their half-sibling, but that doesn't mean she enjoyed going to soft play! So, she paid out of her own pocket for the privilege of spending her time doing something she didn't want to do. I'm sure as a teenager she had better offers!

£39 might be more than many people would casually drop, but the man can afford it, and everyone knows it. If someone agrees to cover expenses, you consider who's paying.

But also... she's a teenager. How was she to know it was £39 until she got there?

He didn't have a plan for looking after his own kids, she did him a massive favour and didn't just do the bare minimum: she gave them a lovely day out.

The man is an idiot. No more favours for him.

Why should she? She was doing him a favour and he wasn’t paying her for her time. He just offered to ‘buy you guys lunch’ so she got an adult to give them a lift to somewhere they could play and have lunch.

(She isn’t even quite 17 yet so it’s not like she could drive them somewhere herself.)

The dad in this situation is very much the beggar and is in no position to be the chooser in terms of how she entertained his kids (on her only day off) when he wasn’t paying her for the babysitting. She’s not his daughter and she’s certainly not his bloody nanny.

Many years ago my teenage niece use to babysit DD in the school hols and I would give her extra cash some days (on top of the paid babysitting) that would shout her and pay for my DD to have McDs / cinema. My niece did me a massive favour because it was more convienent than DD being in holiday clubs all the time so no way would I be tight.

I def think the dad should cough up though, he's on six figures so he can afford it, and she did a massive favour (esp unpaid). Valuable lesson learnt for future babysitting in terms of expectations of fee paying activities / lunches.

Your 17 year old is undercharging for her time.

I pay a neighbour's teenager £8 per hour to come and play with my DC at my house when I need quiet time to work upstairs and I don't want to sit my DC in front of the TV (I wouldn't leave DC alone with them - for a qualified babysitter, I pay £12-15 per hour).

On top of that, I provide food (something easy that can go in the oven or microwave) and snacks.

If step-daughter is in sole charge of two children and taking them out places, £10-13 per hour would seem a reasonable rate to charge 'non-family' customers such as her ex-step-dad.

He should give her instructions as to what to do with them (soft play, park etc.) and pay for any entry costs and food and snacks.

The next time he asks, step-daughter should start the conversation with 'Here are my babysitting rates...' and end with 'Take it or leave it'.

He's out of order. 17 year old gave up her free time to save his arse and now she's out of pocket to boot. I don't imagine 17 year olds have that much spare cash either.

He sounds like a right asshat.

I like how he’s offered to pay for lunch as if there was any suggestion he shouldn’t have to. What a hero, feeding his children, on his day to have them.

The dad is a twat, he might of offered to pay for lunch but so he should they're his bloody kids! He should pay for her lunch anyway she's 17, what did he want her to do sit and watch them eat? Also why is he not paying her for her time?

A 17 year old bailed out a fully grown man & he can't even respect that with remuneration, what a bellend.

Sadly many people (mostly men, I have to say) not only don't view 'caring' as being primarily their responsibility but also resent being faced with the real costs for buying in 'caring' responsibilities and aren't properly appreciative of those who help them out.

Not having any family nearby to help, I would give my eyeteeth for a responsible teenager in the house who was willing to help out with childcare (and would always pay a decent rate). But then I remember having to explain to my DH that unfortunately yes it was going to cost us £200 to get a qualified babysitter to look after our 2 year old for 14 hours on a day that I was working away late and he couldn't come home early to cover it because that's just what decent babysitters cost. He was gobsmacked and I was 🙄at him for completely failing to understand how much outsourcing basic tasks relating to childcare actually costs. He has a better understanding now (for example, if we want someone to do the school-run for us, that's going to cost us £45 unless we can get a kind friend to help) but at the time it seemed to me that he was living under a rock.

Dad is being an arsehole.

But 17 year old will remember that, and that'll be the last time she ever does dad a favour with babysitting!!

He's begrudging paying her £40 for a days childcare for two kids? What a tightwad. And a stupid one too because she's not going to want to do it again

Just for clarification it was £8 for entry for both
3 x 'small' kids meals
1x 'bigger' kids meal
Coffee, 2 cokes and a 7UP totalled £31

He gave £10 cash (she told him then that she planned to take them to a soft play and her nana would drive as it was raining, he didn't say he didn't want them to go out) so she was £29 out of pocket
Then he paid the mum £15 so she was only £14 out of pocket.

Later he gave her the last £15 after much complaining about being taken advantage of

I'm glad he coughed up, at least he won't have to do it again as hopefully the SD will tell him to fuck off.

Penny pinching tight wad looking to be the richest man in the graveyard!

Completely agree!!

Presumably the 17 year old doesn't have a job, yet Mr 6 Figure Big Man was grumpy about paying £40 to a teenager for a lunch looking after his DC? He's out of order.

If I was the 17 year old, I'd be busy the next time he asks (and every time he asks after that!).

OP,
This is a teaching moment for the 17 year old.

She should never oblige this waster again......unless he pre pays her top babysitting rate + costs.

He's just another waster who thinks he can screw a female for childcare.

I would NOT be having it and I would be having the conversation now, before he reaches out again to try and use and abuse her.

She owes him nothing.

Do not be silent about his trying to rip a 17 year old who was doing him a favour off...

Waster.

I agree. But I am an adult with life experience.

He placed his children in the care of a 17 year old who is a child with little life experience and I wouldn’t expect them to consider such things, so would adjust my expectations. If anything he should have offered more upfront for activities too. How is a child supposed to know how to plan the day and decide how finances are to be split when asked to babysit last minute?

Later he gave her the last £15 after much complaining about being taken advantage of

"Taken advantage of" 😂😂 yeah, every 17 year old I have ever met has been nothing but a scam artist, preying on flaky unwary dads so they can hang out at soft play centres on their day off.

It's such a common hustle I'm amazed he fell for it, he should probably report the young woman to 101. And that grandmother is no better than she ought to be.

Well of course he said she took advantage of him. He's trying to get her on the back foot so he can get free childcare in the future by setting up a "You owe me" guilt trip situation. She shouldn't fall for it. HE is the one who took advantage of HER by getting her to babysit for free, saying he would pay for lunch, and then trying his best to renege on it later. She should be wary of ever babysitting for him again, as most likely he'll continue trying to find ways to get free babysitting to her disadvantage.

What a prince of a father!

Clearly childcare is a woman’s job and she shouldn’t incur any costs in doing it. And if she does spend HIS money, then it’s always to be queried and questioned, and then underpaid. This 17 year old is almost £20 out of pocket.

What an arse.

He sounds absolutely horrible as well as unreasonable.
He somehow forgot he needed childcare so got a 16 year old to bail him out.
She's nice enough to do so and then he refuses to pay for the activity she took them too.
He did pay in the end but despite being on a six figure salary moaned about it and didn't give her any extra for babysitting despite it being her only day off.
I hope next time he fucks up she tells him to piss off.

@lovelilies glad to hear he did pay up eventually, thanks for the update

Can you let us know how does the sister feel about babysitting for her siblings in future now? (Obvs for HIM not for their mother, sure that’s a very different scenario) You said she isn’t keen on him already… even before this drama

The sister is only 17. At 17 £39 is a lot of money.... it can be as an adult but let's highlight the sister is 17 and this "favour" was asked last minute and the sister agreed to do it on her day off.

It was not the sisters idea to take her siblings out.... it was a favour. What would dad have done other wise?

Personally if it was my own family (favour or not) I'd cover any non agreed optional costs. Why couldn't teen have them at home and make them lunch?

What - even if you were 17, & the ex-step-dad you were doing a favour for told you he would "buy you guys lunch"?

Chinny reckon @CordeliaLOVEScocktails

He's not her dad.
She didn't owe him childcare,
He told her he would "buy you guys lunch" (what a prince - feeding his kids & childminders!)
He then quibbled about the lunch, & was prepared to leave his ex-stepkid £15 out of pocket.

The person making the biggest assumptions here is the dad. He assumes that he can demand a favour from his ex-stepkid, not pay her, get her to sacrifice her day off, & then insult & shortchange her on expenses.

I hope he has a ManJob vs: Parenting Quandary again really soon, calls on this 17 year old, & she tells him to piss off.