Re babysitting half siblings

[lovelilies]

Who IBU in this scenario?

Dcs age 5 and 8 have a half sister, nearly 17, who they live with with their mum. The smalls stay 2 nights every week at their Dads.

The dad has a new job and didn't take into account childcare for his first day which was on the Monday of half term so asked their older half sister to look after them for him. It was her only 'day off' that week.
He offered to 'buy you guys lunch' and wanted her to look after them 11-2.

The sister and the grandmother (who drove) took them to a soft play area and bought lunch which came to £39 in total.

Their mum was working nights so couldn't have them.

He originally gave the sister £10 in cash which paid their entry into the play area.

He came home 2.30pm.
He asked how much it had cost and she said £30 ish. Then he said "let me know how much your food cost and message me".

Later he messaged the GM to see what it all cost but she wasn't sure as she hadn't paid any of it.

Then he PayPal'd the mother £15 to give to sister with a message that he didn't feel it was reasonable and they were taking advantage of him by taking the kids out and expecting him to pay.
Sister didn't ask for any money but kind of expected it as he had offered to pay for lunch.

The Dad earns nearly a 6 figure salary just to be clear.

So who IBU?
The sister for assuming the smalls' Dad would remunerate her for the cost of outing or the Dad for not covering the costs of the outing or paying the sister for babysitting.

I don't earn a 6 figure salary and I'd happily pay the £40. Then again, I would have paid her for her babysitting anyway. He shouldn't be surprised if she refuses to help him out again in the future. I wouldn't.

@Blarting I'd never assume I could spend my dad's money without permission, no.

The lesson in my house growing up would have been "you didn't ask. I told you I'd pay for lunch - that doesn't include soft play".

And my dad wouldn't have paid either 🤣

My 15 year old is babysitting her 8 year old full sibling from 11am to 4pm today and I’ll be paying her and her friend £15 each plus entry to a soft play or trampoline place plus lunch / drinks money whilst they’re out. He is as tight as fuck! It’s not fun for teens to babysit, you have to pay for them to entertain or suck it up and find something else. I want them to do it again so I will pay them!

So £39 for 3 hours babysitting at short notice? That's a bargain!

The 16 year old (NOT 17, not sure why people say 'nearly age' at that point) gave up her only day off to help out, I doubt soft play was where she wanted to spend it.

Would your father also have forgotten to arrange childcare for his children?

He offered to 'buy you guys lunch' How were they meant to get somewhere for lunch without the grandmother driving?

Walk? Bus? Takeaway? Online delivery?

There are loads of options between "soft play for £40" and "nothing".

I suspect he's annoyed because he wasn't asked and it was just assumed he'd cover all the costs, which is fair enough IMO.

Of course he should pay up, imagine expecting a 17 year old to not only babysit for free but be out of pocket afterwards.

No need for the caveat, next time he will be paying professional rates to a professional so the fees will be very clear and much higher, after his childrens half sister tells him he must be joking when he asks for a favour.

And he's not her father, he's her step father.

He should have paid her for her time on top of expenses, and asked her for a receipt then laid the lot. Entertaining the kids as well as babysitting is a big bonus and £39 isn't much for 4 lunches plus drinks, never mind the soft play cost. Still, she can babysit for people who pay her next time and he can miss work, as that's his preference.

@Blarting - possibly, he forgot to pick me up from school once!

But even though he forgot to pay for childcare, that doesn't (IMO) mean he should stump up for whatever activity they choose for the day without at least having it run by him him first 🤷🏻‍♀️

Oh stop being all fair and organised and respectful of the help, some MNs won't like that!

Bad parents that forget their children are open to having to deal with the consequences p, in this case a bill for soft play and lunch. Not sure what consequence your DF had, but I'm sure if someone had brought you back on the bus he wouldn't have refused them the fare?

He should pay and stop being so tight. Well next time he needs help with babysitting he will have lost that option. I wouldn’t do it again as it’s not really what a 16 year old wants to do on their day off. Does the dad not want his children to have a fun time together? He will find professional rates much higher.

Sounds like the DF doesn't take his DC out much so doesn't know how much it costs.

Shame that he has managed to sour what would have been a great back up childcare plan that his own DCs would enjoy.

16 year old gives up her time to help her ex-stepdad out without payment and ends up out of pocket. On what planet should he not pay?
He should pay the £39 plus around here at least £8 an hour for her time.
His kids had a good day out and were looked after despite the fact he'd forgotten to make sure that would be the case.
He's being a total arse and pp comparing this to an adult voluntarily taking nieces out for the day are ridiculous, situation is totally different.

On his very first day at a new job, when he's presumably trying to create a good impression rather than looking like someone who can't manage to organise his own childcare without interruptions during working hours?

He should cover the full costs of taking the children out. A sister looking after siblings doesn’t need paying, that’s being a family.

He sounds awful and unbelievably short sighted.

Of course she should be reimbursed, with thanks.

She need never obliged him again, that's for sure.

Ha! What a tight arse. £40 for a day out for 2 adults and 2 kids is cheap!

Reminds me of my dad when I was a similar age... well paid aerospace engineer, but expected me to drive him 15 miles to work to get there at 6am, and be picked up again when he finished... but baulked at what driving 60 miles a day cost me in fuel! 🤦‍♀️ He seemed to think he shouldn't have to pay the extra 30 miles that I drove there and back again whilst he wasn't in the car.

Well paid men often are tight arses. It's how they stay well off.

Dad is being unreasonable. She’s only 17. He wouldn’t of been able to work if she hadn’t babysat for him and I don’t think he would find cheaper childcare at that short notice for 2 children.

The father should pay, utterly ridiculous! The 17 year old is going to be busy next time then!

Everyone is saying it's reasonable to pay £39 for entry and lunch to softplay but if understood the OP correctly the £10 that the dad have covered the entry price and then £39 was just for lunch which is hugely expensive for a soft play centre!

I think both are a little unreasonable - if dad offered to pay for lunch he should have given at least a ball park figure. From his point of view he probably thought - lunch for two little ones plus 17 year old would be about £20 at most. He is now being asked to pay £39 on top of the £10 cash already given, I can see why he doesn't want to pay. Plus grandma should pay for her own.

That said he is getting free childcare so £49 for 3 hours of childcare, lunch and softplay isn't totally unreasonable. He should just pay this time.

Lesson for future:

• Dad - be specific about what you will pay for any costs and organise childcare so you don't have to rely on teenage step daughter
• Daughter - make sure you have agreed an upfront amount to cover costs before paying anything out of your own pocket

It was £39 total and he had already given her £10 so £29 balance as He asked how much it had cost and she said £30 ish. Then he said "let me know how much your food cost and message me".

Whether he thought it expensive it was a last minute arrangement so he should pay up.