How to handle bonkers request from neighbour

[DaphneMoonsSeattle]

We live on a small estate (22 houses). One of my neighbours knocked on my door yesterday to ask if I could please stop my DC riding their scooters past her house.

Today my DD came in to tell me that the neighbour had now asked her not to ride on the footpath outside her house. I went outside. She asked me why my DC ride on the footpath right outside her house. I told her; it's a footpath. They're allowed on the footpath. I have asked DD to avoid being right outside her house but my DS is autistic. I've told her that. He doesn't understand "don't ride your scooter on this particular bit of the footpath".

But, aibu to think that what she's asked is unreasonable? You can't ask people to not use a footpath! They are not on her property, fair enough she can absolutely ask people not to be on her property, but she can't control the footpath. She's complained that they ride their scooters near her car. Her car is parked right beside the footpath. She's in a corner house so she probably does have more footpath outside her house than most. But that's not really anybody's fault. She's really taking it personally. 'They're outside MY house'. They're on the footpath, they're not peeking in her windows!

Kids have enough problems these days trying to find somewhere to play. Its so sad that kids cant play out these days as easily as when i was a kid.

I purchased our family home 20yrs ago to make the most of a green area in front of the house for my kids to play. Often other kids would come and join in but we hardly saw any other parents actively involved in playing with their kids. I hate to think of the response anyone would get from me if they asked us to keep it quiet.

We have moved on and the kids have grown up but i find the sound of kids playing to be relaxing for me and am glad i am not one of those people who think children should be muted. Let your child carry on and stop giving this person your time. They have nothing they can do about it other than not like you which tbh, unless you havent noticed they probably hate your guts anyhow. Let your kids have fun

When i was a kid we lived in a block with houses all around the outside and a rectangle path within those with a patch of grass in the middle. All throughout my childhood me and my friends, scootered, skated, rode bikes, played ball all around the path going past everybodys house, in the holidays probably from dawn until dusk. We chalked on the path and sat on the grass/path outside whoevers house.
There were a fair few children but equally some elderly/retired folk and middle aged people with grown up kids etc. Nobody complained about the kids, we were just doing what kids do!
In my teens they built a small park directly next to this block of houses and now even more kids are there on a daily basis.
I always encounter a child or two riding round on their bike/scooter whenever i pass by, i wouldn't think anything of it.

Bit of a drip-feed there, OP - your neighbour's annoyed by the noise. Which, as you say, might be fair enough. I have almost unlimited tolerance for kids playing outside but some people don't. This might be a case of picking your battles. Perhaps the kids can play further down the road?

Never in my life would I think I could tell children playing outside my house to move or be quiet. Anyone who ever moaned at me when I was young or my children were usually not very nice people. My 2 children play outside mine and my mil’s house for hours on end and no one ever moans, nor would I moan at the annoying noise of my neighbors children bouncing for hours on a trampoline! I hear drunk people leaving party’s at night, dogs barking and music playing and I’ve never moaned or complained. I’ve always felt it was part of life 🤷‍♀️

You could not have described our NDNs more accurately - the rest of the neighbours in the close are great but our NDNs resent all kids and teenagers and enjoy conveying faux concern about the safety of neighbours’ kids playing out. Hilariously they moved from a quieter area to here a few years ago…and they’re bang slap next to a school but that doesn’t stop the constant criticism and complaining about anyone young who looks like they might be enjoying themselves 😂

We had a neighbour like this. She had an ancient Merc and would go off it about the kids riding their bikes past it. She’d stand at her door and scream at them that if they scratched it, she’d send for the police. None of them ever did. God help anyone who parked in her space. She would block the road for everyone else. She used to demand we take the kids to the park to ride their bikes. We ended up getting the council involved who wrote to her and told her she didn’t own the path o road and to stop harassing the kids/blocking people in. It didn’t help.
She’d drive out of the street so fast as well, it was lucky she didn’t kill anyone. Thankfully we moved.

So we’ve just moved onto a new estate. Kids in 4 of the houses (including ours). The house behind us kids scoot up and down the road and have ride ins and have ramps, all which they set up outside our lounge window…. I can’t say I love it, but I can tolerate an hour for a couple of days a week to live and let live as I don’t feel that’s unreasonable. The kids shouting doesn’t bother me to be fair, it is the sound of those tinny bloody wheels that’s enough to drive you to drink, so three hours a day and I think I might want to commit murder and be putting in a polite request. I can see the neighbours point there!

Now we do own the road outside our house because it’s in a privately owned cul de sac! So each bit of the road is designated to each house with a right of access (in their location they don’t have a right of access over our bit of road as they don’t live past us) but I am not about to be petty enough to go out there and start asking for peace. The kids are nice and they are well mannered to be fair to them which helps.

All of us also park in our designated driveways or just in front of them in the cul de sac and they do stay away from the cars, if they didn’t I would have an issue with that, but if she’s out in the road and not using her driveway/garage then that’s a silly concern I am afraid as other cars will also be passing road side.

we very much promote play in the garden in this house, it’s why we buy a house with a garden! Or the park. Oh and I am also careful of football noise on the fence…. Basketball is a park only activity. Yes, when you live on a estate you expect noise, but, part of loving on an estate is also having a thought for those that live around you.

How close is the path to her house?

On some new build estates, the houses are so crammed in their is no front garden/ driveway. If this is the case, the kids would be scooting right by her door windows which would potentially be very noisy/ annoying.

The thing about autistic children who don’t really understand things is that they turn into autistic adults who don’t really understand things.
And while she is being unreasonable, and your daughter should continue to scoot her merry way along the footpath, I think you should bear in mind that she may be an autistic adult, you can choose to ignore the controlling behaviour and social misdemeanours but don’t react to it (as others have said) and wind her up as I can imagine if she was an adult with ASD, when she’s finding things difficult like this and people see where they can get a reaction and provoke it it must be very distressing.

I’ve asked our neighbours multiple times to be quiet. But then again, when you’re nursing a newborn baby and they are stood on your driveway screaming at 9pm looking straight into your window it does wind you up a bit!

Yeah, sorry. At first I thought the neighbour was being entirely unreasonable, but three hours of that, even spaced out, would slowly drive me insane.

Look at it this way - your autistic child has some issues that you hope people will empathise with as they grow up. This woman might well be hypersensitive to repetitive noise, as many autistic people are (though to be fair, you wouldn't have to be autistic to find three hours of scooter wheels incredibly irritating) so maybe be kind to her?

I hate to think of the response anyone would get from me if they asked us to keep it quiet.

well, you sound pleasant

@Intrigueddotcom i wouldn’t be trying to be pleasant if, in the circumstances I described, someone asked me to be quiet. That’s the point, playing on a green, kids involved having fun. If you want me to be quiet then you are not someone I care to impress

I see her point too. it can be bloody annoying, even when it is your own kid doing it...

try to limit it if you can. she might be autistic too.

So beautiful summers day
couple live in home by village Green
want to sit on garden and enjoy
on village Green with no playground, every weekend in summer, many children making noise and one Saturday they just want a bit of peace and ask them to be quiet- you would still “hate to think of the response you would given them”? @Tessasanderson

Your view is fair but I can’t help but feel you’re being a massive mug and should ask for the ramp etc to be moved off of your property and in front of their parents living room instead. I bet they wouldn’t be happy with their own kids noise if so…

I think a village green is different to a footpath. I think most people would reasonably expect children to play on the former, but the latter is for access.
Some parents are very happy for their kids to do whatever they want right outside other peoples houses, but I suspect they'd be less happy if the neighbourhood's kids were frequently playing outside their own.

i haven’t ever complained about my neighbours
but not because I wouldn’t be bothered by hours of a bouncing ball or dogs endlessly barking but because my neighbours have always been considerate

so presumably your logic is that because you don’t complain as part of life then you would also be happy to subject neighbours to dogs barking, loud music and endless bouncing balls? And the be pissed off with them because they have a different levels of tolerance than you

Are you for real? You seriously think someone has the right to ask/tell kids to be quiet in the circumstances you describe? On a public village green, beautiful summers day. Yes i absolutely would hate to think of the response.

My kids are past these kind of issues with people like you but i hope young families dont have to put up with this kind of nonsense.

My issue was the fact that you said “you hate to think of the response you would give” indicating that it would be bloody rude

whereas I would say - “it is a lovely day, and the children having so much fun, so I will ask them to keep any screaming or shrieks down, but I’m afraid I won’t be asking them to stop playing”

Petty does she not know how kids mind's work? We were all kids once the more she nitpicks and moans the more they will do it. But it's a public footpath she's being rediculous.

@Wetblanket78 - thanks for bumping up an old thread that was last posted (before your addition on 27th November) back in June 2022.

MUMSNET ADMINS - This is entirely down to the "Similar Threads" option and even when you don't have it enabled, if you've posted on a thread in the past, expecting it to remain in the past, it doesn't. It shows up as an active thread in your "Threads I'm On" option.

This is really really frustrating.

Seeing as this thread has been bumped I may as well give an update. The neighbour reported me to child protection services. She said a little boy 'who looks like he has Down Syndrome' (he doesn't have Down Syndrome' was out playing on his scooter right past her house. They contacted us and we explained he has autism. No further action is going to be taken.

How can you report someone for looking like they have Down syndrome?

Honestly I’d report them for harassment if they continue.

This reminds me of when I was a kid, there were about 3 families with kids on my road, we'd play out on BMXes, move out of the way when the occasional car came by (dead end, so it was only residents) - everyone reasonable, kids and adults.

Then some new people moved into one of the houses (part way up the road, not even in a bit we particularly played in), and went round to each of the parents asking us to stop playing in the street because they'd moved here for some peace and quiet! The kids had all been there since birth!

Lets just say he didn't get the answer he was hoping for from any of the parents.