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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say NO to my friend joining my new side-business?

128 replies

purpleplatypus2022 · 31/05/2022 14:35

So I started a little online side business selling home-made jewellery/decorations etc during the lockdown. It's still pretty modest but it's picked up a bit of steam - I've gone from earning £50 a month from it on average to about £500 in some months, sometime more. My plan is to keep growing it and possibly even one day do it as full-time (probs a pipe dream lol but let me dream).

A close uni friend who wasn't that bothered at first now suddenly seems very interested now that I'm making some money out of it. She keeps dropping hints about about maybe I need a hand, maybe she should take it up too etc.

To be blunt I don't want to. It may sound petty but after years of dealing with corporate bs I'm really happy I've got something that's entirely mine and that I don't to constantly compromise over with colleague. I've put a LOT of effort into - sent out 1000s of cold emails, set up a website etc etc. This bank hol I'll be spending making a promotional portfolio. My friend seems to think that because we're friend then automatically she should be let in and she's also hinted at looking at my client list, crafting techniques etc. which has all taken a while to build up. Maybe it's selfish and I'm sure she'd be good at it but I just want to do this thing on my own.

To make things even more awkward, she's generally done much better than me career wise. She owns a house, a car, goes on exotic foreign holidays etc whereas I'm still renting trying to save for a deposit. Ok, she dislikes her boring finance job but it's paid for all of that. It's one of those things we don't really talk about directly - I just accepted that I'll get where she is at some point but it'll just take longer - but now I find I'm feeling a bit annoyed that she's trying to muscle in on my thing seeing as I need the money more than her.

Basically, AIBU to want to keep her out of this, and how do I say 'back off' without damaging the friendship?

OP posts:
TinySaltLick · 31/05/2022 14:40

Just be blunt and honest. You are flattered that she has shown enthusiasm but you don't need any additional support and even if you did, out of principle mixing business and social life can often be awkward at best.

If this changes I will let you know, but I do not expect this to happen so please manage your expectations accordingly.

WeKnowFrogsGoShaLaLaLaLa · 31/05/2022 14:41

Tell her you're not looking for stakeholders atm and will let her know if that ever happens. If she says it doesn't need to be that formal, laugg, then explain clearly that it absolutely would have to be that formal. If she keeps asking, keep stating it simply - you're not looking for stakeholders at present.

Roughntumble · 31/05/2022 14:43

No advice at all really OP except, maybe stop talking to her about your business, if/when she brings it up just say "oh I'm a bit bored of it now, not doing so much any more, profits are down lately" or some such. Then after that go grey rock re the topic.

Besttobe8001 · 31/05/2022 14:44

Next time she mentions it say "oh a few people have asked about coming in on the business with me, I'd rather go it alone, it's really important to me. I'm grateful for everyones encouragement tho!"

danny735 · 31/05/2022 14:44

She has absolutely zero right to be involved in any part of your business. It's yours, your idea, you've built it from the ground up and I believe it should stay yours alone.

However, I think your sharing far too much information with her. Your profits/ideas are your business - nobody else's.

I have a similarly successful online side hustle that often earns 4 figures. During the pandemic there were two months where it made more money than my regular job, I don't share that information with anyone except my DH and my Mum.

I know it can be nice to share your successes (particularly if she's been successful in her career) but unless you want lots of people jumping on the band wagon - I would be more discrete with what you tell her.

The very best of luck with your business!

Hunderland · 31/05/2022 14:45

Be aware that she may start up something very similar so make sure you have a USP that is unbeatable!

FineWordsForAPorcupine · 31/05/2022 14:54

You should definitely not allow your friend to get involved with your business. It would be a terrible idea and you know it. Don't doubt yourself.

She's dropping hints, so I think you need to put a firm stop to that. Next time she brings it up, how would you feel about saying something like :

"I feel like you're hinting about getting involved with my company and I want to say straight out that there is no way I would ever combine business and friendship - I've seen it go wrong too many times and I would much rather keep you as a friend."

She will probably say something to deny she was ever hinting at all, at which point you can look very relieved and say:

" Phew, so glad I got the wrong end of the stick! Sorry for bringing it up, but I feel really strongly about not starting a business with friends - I was panicking there!" And then laugh.

But she might say "well, actually I would love to work with you, I think it would be great". In that case you can still reiterate the "I don't go into business with friends" line, but don't get drawn into a discussion. If you give specific reservations ("I'm concerned that you won't have time to commit to the more boring admin aspects") then you encourage her to give solutions ("I'll set aside a fixed afternoon each week just for admin!") and eventually you'll run out of objections. Pick a phrase like "combining business and friendship doesn't work for me" and repeat it.

You'll probably only have to do this once, but if she starts hinting again you can pretend to think she's joking, say "haha, can you imagine?" then change the subject.

Good luck.

10HailMarys · 31/05/2022 15:03

First of all, bloody well done for building up your business like that - sounds like you're doing a great job and are putting in loads of effort. That's a very nice extra income from a side-business!

You should absolutely not let your friend in on this enterprise. You had the idea, you've put in the work at building it up and you deserve the benefits all to yourself. Plus, it sounds like half the pleasure comes from being able to work on it alone, not having to worry about anyone else and being able to do things at your own scale and pace. I would feel the same as you!

If she asks you outright if she can get in on the business I think I would be equally blunt back and explain that you really want to keep this a solo enterprise because you like the freedom of doing everything your way. Or you could possibly say that, looking at the hours you put in and the profit you get from that, you don't think it would actually be sustainable as a two-person business and that if you started working with someone else you'd be expanding too quickly to maintain a decent income from it?

Maybe you could say something like 'I don't think this would be sustainable for two people but I bet you could come up with a great idea yourself for some kind of side-business - there are loads of other things you could think about making into a business and I can happily give you any tips on getting started.'

If she just keeps dropping hints but doesn't ask outright, I think I would drop a few hints of my own and, the next time the subject crops up, mention that you really enjoy having something that's just for you that you can work on completely alone. Maybe she'll take the hint.

picklemewalnuts · 31/05/2022 15:04

Hint back about how much you are enjoying working on your own, having no one else to consider, being in control, not needing to be a team player etc.

TrifleFunny · 31/05/2022 15:09

Suggest working together in her finance job and ask her to help you get a job there. Then watch her backtrack.

Wouldyabeguilty · 31/05/2022 15:10

TELL HER NOTHING, not where you get your stock, your supplies, how much you make etc.

AnnaSW1 · 31/05/2022 15:16

I realised a long time ago that if you just ignore all hints they go away. It forces people do either stop or ask you outright. It's fun to guess which way it will go Smile

If she asks you outright just say no.

BBQBoke · 31/05/2022 15:16

Wouldyabeguilty · 31/05/2022 15:10

TELL HER NOTHING, not where you get your stock, your supplies, how much you make etc.

This. She has already hinted at wanting to get into it. Don't ever hand over your ideas to potential competition. You've done really well so far and should give yourself a big bloody pat on the back. It would be too easy for her to come in now once the initial sweat and tears have already been busted. Just tell her that you like having the creative and business freedom you have now.

TokyoTen · 31/05/2022 16:07

Why are you sharing what money you are making with an old Uni friend? Keep your business to yourself which will minimize these types of issues. I'd reply "Flattered you're interested but I'm not looking to expand just yet".

Beamur · 31/05/2022 16:09

Working together is a great way to ruin a friendship. Tell her you want to keep it separate.

MarshaBradyo · 31/05/2022 16:09

Yanbu stand firm whatever you do

TrifleFunny · 31/05/2022 16:11

TokyoTen · 31/05/2022 16:07

Why are you sharing what money you are making with an old Uni friend? Keep your business to yourself which will minimize these types of issues. I'd reply "Flattered you're interested but I'm not looking to expand just yet".

Don't say 'just yet'!

VainAbigail · 31/05/2022 16:13

Do you want your friendship to end?! Don’t work with her if the answer is no. I speak from extremely bitter experience and do not recommend it.

Runorsleep · 31/05/2022 16:16

Its absolutely fair enough that you don’t want her joining your business. Fair play to you on making it a success too.
They only thing is she could potentially set up on her own doing the same thing. I have a few side things along with a main job but I’m well aware there’s plenty of competition, just look at instagram , Etsy , Pinterest etc

MarvellousMay · 31/05/2022 16:17

If you don’t want to tell her to fuck off just say “thanks so much for the offer as soon as I need help I’ll be in touch”.
Agree with those saying keep quiet about how well it’s doing. Maybe even tell her orders have completely dropped off and it’s costing more then it’s making right now.
Don’t feel bad about saying no to her OP. She sounds like a CF!

Whooshaagh · 31/05/2022 16:19

Just say ‘ no, it’s mine all mine.’
And laugh like a maniac.

Whatsonmymindgrapes · 31/05/2022 16:26

I’d just not reply every time she mentions it just move the conversation on.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 31/05/2022 16:27

Good grief, no, YANBU and you need to keep her with as little info as possible.

I'd even bare faced lie that it is making hardly any money now, that you're doing it more for fun and only selling your 'things' because otherwise the house would fill up and to cover the cost of the materials.

If you let on you're making money from it, even if you don't let her join you, I reckon she'll have an Etsy shop selling identical doodads faster than you can blink.

SleeplessInEngland · 31/05/2022 16:29

Obviously YANBU, and you must have known that when you made the thread.

Riverlee · 31/05/2022 16:32

I’d be suspicious that she wants to learn what to do, your suppliers etc, and then set up on her own.

I agree to the suggestions of ignoring her hints, playing down what you earn, repeating it’s a one-man band etc.