To say NO to my friend joining my new side-business?

[purpleplatypus2022]

So I started a little online side business selling home-made jewellery/decorations etc during the lockdown. It's still pretty modest but it's picked up a bit of steam - I've gone from earning £50 a month from it on average to about £500 in some months, sometime more. My plan is to keep growing it and possibly even one day do it as full-time (probs a pipe dream lol but let me dream).

A close uni friend who wasn't that bothered at first now suddenly seems very interested now that I'm making some money out of it. She keeps dropping hints about about maybe I need a hand, maybe she should take it up too etc.

To be blunt I don't want to. It may sound petty but after years of dealing with corporate bs I'm really happy I've got something that's entirely mine and that I don't to constantly compromise over with colleague. I've put a LOT of effort into - sent out 1000s of cold emails, set up a website etc etc. This bank hol I'll be spending making a promotional portfolio. My friend seems to think that because we're friend then automatically she should be let in and she's also hinted at looking at my client list, crafting techniques etc. which has all taken a while to build up. Maybe it's selfish and I'm sure she'd be good at it but I just want to do this thing on my own.

To make things even more awkward, she's generally done much better than me career wise. She owns a house, a car, goes on exotic foreign holidays etc whereas I'm still renting trying to save for a deposit. Ok, she dislikes her boring finance job but it's paid for all of that. It's one of those things we don't really talk about directly - I just accepted that I'll get where she is at some point but it'll just take longer - but now I find I'm feeling a bit annoyed that she's trying to muscle in on my thing seeing as I need the money more than her.

Basically, AIBU to want to keep her out of this, and how do I say 'back off' without damaging the friendship?

Hi,
I find it useful to have it clear in my head my own personal policies such as any large business has and then stick to them.
Ive seen people run into problems with their businesses when things become too casual.
I would have a policy where as any person involved in helping would have to do so formally with a contract. I know it might sound overkill but could save a load of agro down the line.

@Badqueen well met, Old Blood 🐺
There are at least half a dozen Hobblings scattered hereabouts.
Always heartwarming to have a fellow fan pop out of the Withywood-work 😁

I'm fangirling again 😄 sorry op.

‘Lol, no! It’s fun making a few extra quid for me, but it’s really not enough work for more than one person.’

@bridgetreilly that's perfect. Light, dismissive, & plays down the £££ aspect.

Good luck OP.

Please don't show her crafting techniques " Sorry - trade secret!"big grin " But I'll let you know if I decide to do classes". If your technique and teaching is good it could be another arm of your business.

I'd say bright and breezy, polite but firm. The business is too small to support two people and you prefer to keep it a one man band

Thanks for these messages.

Maybe I've made her sound her worse than she is. Really I think she's quite unhappy with her job but she's wedded to the lifestyle the money brings so she feels stuck. Also she's a bit hyperactive... constantly frittering from one thing to the other and going off on long rambling brain dumps. Trying to avoid a bust-up about it as we have a lot of mutual friends and that would be awkward.

I'll take the advice here and just explain clearly that's it's a solo project.

I'd forgotten, "Sorry, trade secret - you understand!".

I used to use it when people asked me how I did stuff, & if delivered with a smile, it works nicely.

Be prepared for her to start up something herself that is very similar. You’ll have to learn to play it cool if so.

Never ever mix business with friendship. It's toxic. Feel free to tell her that it will ruin your friendship if you worked together.

To make things even more awkward, she's generally done much better than me career wise. She owns a house, a car, goes on exotic foreign holidays etc whereas I'm still renting trying to save for a deposit. Ok, she dislikes her boring finance job but it's paid for all of that.

You've been the 'poor relation' and while you might not have as much as her you're doing a lot better than you were. So she doesn't like it that you're doing well and at something you love. You've changed the dynamic so now she wants in. For all the reasons PPs have given, don't let her.

Tell her you aren’t looking for staff yet but you will let her know when you are ready to and she is welcome to apply if it suits her at that point.

And she’ll say if you’re bored give it to me and I’ll take it on

Totally this. Especially if she wants to be your 'helper'. Have experience of it and you see a VERY different side of people when money is involved :(

You’ve done the leg work, tell her in no uncertain terms this is your baby ‘& it’s none negotiable it’s not ever going to include her so back off.
She only wants in because your doing well if you were only selling a couple of bits a month making £10 she’d be laughing saying why do you even bother?
Just remember don’t let her have a key to your home, don’t ask her to feed the cat whilst your on holiday etc because she will snoop guaranteed.
You own this it’s going well, keep at it, all companies begin with someone’s pipe dream so don’t dismiss yours it could take off big time xx Good luck xx

Sorry my post was meant in reply to someone else's re friendship and it being the end etc..

Think my angle would be that a partnership is a completely different dynamic to a solo gig. That's all.

And OP will say "no".

Jo done.

gggrrrrrr JOB done

This is what you tell her:

You’re interested in my business?
You go girl!!
No. just go.

Sorry - I don’t have any practical advice.

I wouldn’t be so forthcoming about how business is picking up. If she hints again just tell her straight that you’re not looking for support atm because you’re enjoying being independent. Good luck, by the way - hope with works out well for you.

OP I see it a bit differently than most of the PP. like you say, my first reaction is that she probably hates her job (I too have a boring finance job :p) and she may be more taken by the fact that you’re enjoying this and turning it into a small business - she is probably unintentionally coming across as muscling in and thinks she might be able to help grow the business, work closely with you, and finally turn her attention to something ‘fun’.

That said - I don’t think you’re being at all unreasonable to keep it to yourself and sensible to keep it solo if you enjoy it/feel she could be flakey! It’s your project and totally your choice. But if you do want her to be involved in some way then you could always feel free to give her a task at some point in the future, if you think it would be a win win for both of you.

just offering another point of view than her being shamelessly cash grabbing - unless that is a personality flaw you have reason to believe she has in general. :)

No you haven't.

We just see her clearer than you do.

Tell her Nothing.
Play down your business.

She wants to piggyback your success and thinks you might actually agree to her success.

Don't be dim.
You have worked VERY HARD for this.

Box clever.
Stay quite and tell her nothing.

Yanbu, it’s yours and she wants to help herself to a slice.
Just say no thanks, I want to do this on my own. You don’t have to make up stories. Repeat until she gets it.