To say NO to my friend joining my new side-business?

[purpleplatypus2022]

So I started a little online side business selling home-made jewellery/decorations etc during the lockdown. It's still pretty modest but it's picked up a bit of steam - I've gone from earning £50 a month from it on average to about £500 in some months, sometime more. My plan is to keep growing it and possibly even one day do it as full-time (probs a pipe dream lol but let me dream).

A close uni friend who wasn't that bothered at first now suddenly seems very interested now that I'm making some money out of it. She keeps dropping hints about about maybe I need a hand, maybe she should take it up too etc.

To be blunt I don't want to. It may sound petty but after years of dealing with corporate bs I'm really happy I've got something that's entirely mine and that I don't to constantly compromise over with colleague. I've put a LOT of effort into - sent out 1000s of cold emails, set up a website etc etc. This bank hol I'll be spending making a promotional portfolio. My friend seems to think that because we're friend then automatically she should be let in and she's also hinted at looking at my client list, crafting techniques etc. which has all taken a while to build up. Maybe it's selfish and I'm sure she'd be good at it but I just want to do this thing on my own.

To make things even more awkward, she's generally done much better than me career wise. She owns a house, a car, goes on exotic foreign holidays etc whereas I'm still renting trying to save for a deposit. Ok, she dislikes her boring finance job but it's paid for all of that. It's one of those things we don't really talk about directly - I just accepted that I'll get where she is at some point but it'll just take longer - but now I find I'm feeling a bit annoyed that she's trying to muscle in on my thing seeing as I need the money more than her.

Basically, AIBU to want to keep her out of this, and how do I say 'back off' without damaging the friendship?

When she talks about joining with you again just ask, "How much were you looking to invest?"...

For someone who works in finance she seems to be incredibly obtuse to how buying into a business works. Just tell her you are not looking for an investor or shareholder. Tell her that if at anytime you are looking to sell the business on you will let her know. That it's a business that will make enough for one owner operator and that if you need another pair of hands in the future you will employ someone and would she like to know about that first too.

Don't do it. I did something similar once, everybody wanted in on the act and it became very hard to manage and it caused friction. Just be clear this is your thing and you want to keep it your thing. She can start her own venture and you could say you're happy to encourage her.

Don't lie. Just say you don't want any help thanks- you like doing it yourself.

Just rinse and repeat that you are quite happy doing it on your own and don't want anyone else involved as its your own little thing.

Don't give her any information on anything at all, especially customer lists etc. I have read on here more than once how somebody tried to help a friend and then got screwed over by them taking their business.

Massive kudos for building up your business in this way. Your friend's behaviour is a bit odd. If she has her own well-established career, what is she looking to gain from muscling in on your territory?

You might need to be a bit direct on this one, otherwise you could be fielding her dropping hints for a long time.

Just tell her you don't want to mix business with your personal life, but thanks for offering. No need to say anything else really.

If she asks for information about your client list, tell her she's got a damned cheek that you can't because GDPR and all that.

Well done OP, sounds like you've done a great job with your business and growing it. You are absolutely not being unreasonable to not want your friend involved. In your shoes I would tell her the truth, this is something that's totally yours and you want to keep it that way. Don't show her your client list or anything like that and best of luck with it!

Wow! You definitely do not need to share your great business achievement with anyone. Just do as suggested on here - I am not wanting to go into business with anyone else, and don't give reasons, as they will be met with solutions of some sort. Good on you. Keep it to yourself. If she does not take no for an answer gracefully, you could reconsider the friendship. But don't share your business!

A definite no would be my answer aswell. YANBU. I have a side hustle that is going well but like you I have put time and effort in to researching my niche and working bloody hard to get the momentum to provide a decent 2nd income. My friend occasionally mentions that I should tell her my methods/what to look out for etc but I think its a bloody cheek. I worked hard to get to the stage Im at now, Im not about to hand it all on a plate to someone who could easily do it themselves. Good luck with your venture!

She's just hinted, not actually asked you so you could ignore the hints.

Don't give her any information about any part of it.

Start planning what you'll say if she asks

Thanks but no, this is really just a hobby more than anything. It makes a bit of fun money. I'm not looking for someone to buy a share in it. I enjoy doing it the way I am.

I've got my own business, and one of the greatest things (apart from doing something I love that earns money) is the delight of doing it on my own. No colleagues, no manager, no team beneath me. Just me doing what I do.

Don't let anyone spoil that for you.

Just say thank you but I have already decided right at the start to have a personal rule not work with friends or family.

It's a little bit different but my DH does this for his business and it means that his clients are all a bit removed from us and he doesn't get into to sticky (money) situations with friends or family.

Just be clear that you want to work alone.

The first reply absolutely nailed it, no need for anything further.

Congratulations. I reckon you'll be doing this full time within a year tops.

If she's insistent, offer to sell her a 25% stake for £25,000. It's business after all.

Ignore the hints, and if she asks directly, just say you don't mix business and friends.

Do not tell her any information about your suppliers, your methods, profit margins and absolutely not your client list or where you advertise.

Not unless you want to set her up as your competitor that is.

YANBU

And also, WOW! You are doing amazingly well! Thank you for sharing your positive story, I’m sure lots of women will see this post and be inspired to get their ideas off the ground

Has she mistaken it for an MLM or franchise or something where she’d be welcome to join? Shut her down that you’re a sole trader, a one-woman band, and staying that way: “I’m in the business of jewellery, not recruitment. How’s XYZ?” With XYZ being a firm change of topic and redirect to something else.

Don’t discuss the business with her at all: treat it all like Coca-Cola’s secret recipe.

All that work you've done building up a name for yourself and establishing a client list? that has value (obviously, which is why she wants in!) If she wants to be a partner she would need to pay you for that. You could say:

"I'm not looking to bring in outside capital for the foreseeable future. It's not what the business needs right now as it's just a small operation and bringing in extra investment to make it grow faster might make it unmanageable. I like the slow but steady growth that it's doing at the moment - it is working well at the moment."

"I have no intention of employing anyone".

If she continues to badger, repeat and say nothing, not one thing, more. Don't speak about your business in any form. Sadly it sucks but in my experience, she's looking for a large slice of your pie and she has got a brass bloody neck.

how do I say 'back off' without damaging the friendship?

You stop and think: Would I be asking her the same questions if she had set up a business that I liked the look of? Would I be quietly persistent, dropping hints, that she needed to let me in?

If the answer is yes, then you have the friends you deserve.

If the answer is no... then maybe she isn't such a good fit for you.

If she were asking me I'd tell her to step off. This is my livelihood not a toy!

Don't talk to her at ALL about the business, where you buy your stock, prices, NOTHING! If she brings it up just bluntly say the only way you make money is to do it yourself and you can't afford to employ anyone else and leave it at that.

Let her hint all she likes!

But stop sharing stuff with her, just in case she does go off and start stealing your ideas/clients/customers.

If she is more specific, and actually asks you if she can become a part of your business, it's simple - you just say it's just a sideline and you don't want to share it.

If she's really a friend she should understand and respect that.

The things your friend wants have a financial value: why should you give them away & ruin your own business?

I have a similar business and I've had emails from other people asking if I can tell them where I get things from etc.,

My bog standard reply is...'I get my stock from a number of places. They're easy to find if you google 'sterling silver sheet' (or whatever). And I just learned how to do things by going into YouTube etc., There are loads of sites and I can't really advise as we're all different - just do a search.'

And no, friends and family do not help me - except DH and DS at Christmas when I'm slammed with work. No one has actually asked me but I'd not hesitate to just say 'I prefer to keep full control to be honest and working with friends rarely works - I like to be able to let people go if I need to'.

And leave it at that. Do not, as others have said, give her any information (even suppliers). You've done all your donkey work. If she wants to have a similar business that's fine but she'll need to do her own research.