To say NO to my friend joining my new side-business?

[purpleplatypus2022]

So I started a little online side business selling home-made jewellery/decorations etc during the lockdown. It's still pretty modest but it's picked up a bit of steam - I've gone from earning £50 a month from it on average to about £500 in some months, sometime more. My plan is to keep growing it and possibly even one day do it as full-time (probs a pipe dream lol but let me dream).

A close uni friend who wasn't that bothered at first now suddenly seems very interested now that I'm making some money out of it. She keeps dropping hints about about maybe I need a hand, maybe she should take it up too etc.

To be blunt I don't want to. It may sound petty but after years of dealing with corporate bs I'm really happy I've got something that's entirely mine and that I don't to constantly compromise over with colleague. I've put a LOT of effort into - sent out 1000s of cold emails, set up a website etc etc. This bank hol I'll be spending making a promotional portfolio. My friend seems to think that because we're friend then automatically she should be let in and she's also hinted at looking at my client list, crafting techniques etc. which has all taken a while to build up. Maybe it's selfish and I'm sure she'd be good at it but I just want to do this thing on my own.

To make things even more awkward, she's generally done much better than me career wise. She owns a house, a car, goes on exotic foreign holidays etc whereas I'm still renting trying to save for a deposit. Ok, she dislikes her boring finance job but it's paid for all of that. It's one of those things we don't really talk about directly - I just accepted that I'll get where she is at some point but it'll just take longer - but now I find I'm feeling a bit annoyed that she's trying to muscle in on my thing seeing as I need the money more than her.

Basically, AIBU to want to keep her out of this, and how do I say 'back off' without damaging the friendship?

This

As soon as someone hears you're making money they will want an in, thinking that it'll be easy. I would ignore her but don't be surprised if she has a go anyway. Similar happened to me with people I knew over the years, but none of them lasted as they weren't prepared to do the hard work.

Be very careful, I'm getting bad vibes. Is she the type to steal your idea and clients. Tell her its cooled down, dont discuss your finances and profits.

This is very good.

Tell her something like: I’m really happy being self employed, running things the way I want them and working on my own; I’m very happy as I am and I’m not looking for a partner.”

If she is any kind of friend at all, you should be able to say “This project is my baby and I’m loving doing it completely on my own, thanks for the offer but I don’t want any help I’m really enjoying flying solo.”

But is she a real friend? There was a thread a while back by a mum who set up a successful etsy business and her ‘friend’ copied the business and set up in competition, in the same village! Be careful what you say about how successful you are being, it’s better to be discreet than to make competitive people jealous, she may feel she has to muscle in on your territory just to prove to herself that she’s the more successful one…

If she mentions your business again then talk
about how you are so chuffed that it has gone as well as it has and the thing you enjoy the most about it is working entirely for yourself and by yourself. Make a conversation about you very much enjoying the solo element without having to directly say anything about her wanting to join you. If she asks about helping just say thanks for the offer but you are really enjoying working on your own and the challenge of it. There doesn’t have to be any conflict, she can ask and you can say that you are happy with your current set up.
Best of luck with your growing business!

It's kind of you to offer, but I couldn't afford to pay you anything, so I'm keeping it to just me running this business.

So she hates where she spends 30% of her life? maybe more, and you have something that's all yours that you hope to make a big thing of that you enjoy.

And she's "done better than you career-wise"?

Are you sure about that?

Well done to you.

She has no right to what you have. You've worked hard. She worked hard too no doubt but she has no right to geg in on your thing.

I suggest ignoring her pining until she actually asks. When she does simply tell her you want this for yourself. You've always admired what she has achieved in life, now you're achieving your own thing, and you want to make it on your own.

...which would be perfectly reasonable.

"My friend seems to think that because we're friend then automatically she should be let in and she's also hinted at looking at my client list, crafting techniques etc."

That's just not on! That's not wanting to be let in, that's wanting to muscle in. NEVER let her see your client list.

I'd be avoiding her for a while and mentioning your business less. Id ignore the hints and if she asks directly say no you prefer working alone. If she doesn't get the hint she's not much of a friend

She might copy your idea so do not share any more info with her.
I would avoid talking about the business with her altogether.
Ignore all hints too.

Don’t mention anything about your personal life or your business. I don’t like it that she’s saying she would like to see your client list and wants to be involved. I would say your winding it down now and others want to be part if it but you prefer to work alone. If she’s still interested show her what she should do and how to do it and let her go set up her own business on selling sites such as eBay. She would want to take over and you could end up falling out. Never mix friendship with business. Let us know how you get on.

If she’s still interested show her what she should do and how to do it and let her go set up her own business on selling sites such as eBay.

Nobody with any business nous would do that for a 'friend' who is pissed off with her day job & has dropped hints about accessing their client list.

Is that supposed to be funny?

I have an Etsy shop and like fuck would I show friends how to set up in competition with me. That's insane! If they want to I can't stop them but only an absolute idiot would give them training. 🤦

Your username makes me smile every time I see it. There are few others, also make me smirk a little. I keep trying to think about how to wangle a reference into my everchanging but still recognisable username

SamphireTawnysaurus maybe

Don't tell her about your client list, your deals, etc this is all your property. There is a duty of confidentiality about your data too. Just wave it away.

@SamphirethePogoingStickerist 🐺

Hobb is the Bee's knees isn't she?
You will of course see wot I did there 😍

She sounds like she wants to nick your ideas.

Just tell her if you decide to take on staff she will be the first person you will ask

Thanks all.

I thought maybe it was my slight envy of her success that was getting stimulated and making me unreasonably suspicious. I can see now that there's probably something to it.

I'm still going to put it down to one of her mayfly enthusiasms and if she carries on pushing after I've said No, then I may have to rethink this friendship.

So sad really. I never wanted to be one of those money-obsessed, Scrooge McDuck types, but having being screwed over a couple of times now by people taking advantage of that mindset I really have no patience for it. Might just be a sad part of growing up - realising everyone's just out for themselves and will screw you over if they can benefit by it. Gosh I can feel the last dying gasps of my youthful lefty idealism lol.

OP, you don't have to share everything.

It's perfectly acceptable to have something all to yourself. Whether you've bought it, worked hard for it or inherited it, you're absolutely within your rights as a grown woman to keep it all to yourself.

With no guilt.

Do NOT do this, as in the future you might well need extra help OP and you don't want it to be her!