To say NO to my friend joining my new side-business?

[purpleplatypus2022]

So I started a little online side business selling home-made jewellery/decorations etc during the lockdown. It's still pretty modest but it's picked up a bit of steam - I've gone from earning £50 a month from it on average to about £500 in some months, sometime more. My plan is to keep growing it and possibly even one day do it as full-time (probs a pipe dream lol but let me dream).

A close uni friend who wasn't that bothered at first now suddenly seems very interested now that I'm making some money out of it. She keeps dropping hints about about maybe I need a hand, maybe she should take it up too etc.

To be blunt I don't want to. It may sound petty but after years of dealing with corporate bs I'm really happy I've got something that's entirely mine and that I don't to constantly compromise over with colleague. I've put a LOT of effort into - sent out 1000s of cold emails, set up a website etc etc. This bank hol I'll be spending making a promotional portfolio. My friend seems to think that because we're friend then automatically she should be let in and she's also hinted at looking at my client list, crafting techniques etc. which has all taken a while to build up. Maybe it's selfish and I'm sure she'd be good at it but I just want to do this thing on my own.

To make things even more awkward, she's generally done much better than me career wise. She owns a house, a car, goes on exotic foreign holidays etc whereas I'm still renting trying to save for a deposit. Ok, she dislikes her boring finance job but it's paid for all of that. It's one of those things we don't really talk about directly - I just accepted that I'll get where she is at some point but it'll just take longer - but now I find I'm feeling a bit annoyed that she's trying to muscle in on my thing seeing as I need the money more than her.

Basically, AIBU to want to keep her out of this, and how do I say 'back off' without damaging the friendship?

I'd start playing it down. Saying you don't think there's much room for expansion, material are getting more expensive etc. saturated market etc. then just carry on. It's none of her business so just avoid the topic and let her think business isn't doing so well. Then she won't think of competing with you either.

Also, suggest some ideas for her eg ' I can see you as a weekend stylist, you've got such a good eye, of course I'll help you set up'

Maybe it's selfish and I'm sure she'd be good at it but I just want to do this thing on my own.

Bllody hell where are you getting "selfish" from OP?
Is your 'friend' making you feel bad for resisting her heavy hints?
Ah, now I see it:
My friend seems to think that because we're friend then automatically she should be let in
Entitled brat can fuck right off.

If you had a lovely new bicycle, would she expect to be able to share it with you? A car? A new man? Perhaps, in your employed life, you ought to jobshare?

Here's a trick for 'how to say no' when she starts to badger you in earnest:
outofthefog.website/what-not-to-do-1/2015/12/3/jade-dont-justify-argue-defend-explain

Now find a couple of stock "no" phrases you can have off--by-heart so you don't get blindsided.
"Thanks for thinking of me, but I don't need a partner"
"That's all in hand thanks"
"No thanks - I like running my biz solo"
Bonus points if you can work up to
"FFS Sandra, am I not allowed to have anything of my own without you muscling in?"

Finally - a doom-laden word of warning.
and she's also hinted at looking at my client list, crafting techniques etc. which has all taken a while to build up.
LOOK AT YOUR CLIENT LIST?!!! 😡😡😡😡😡
WHAT???
SOUND KLAXONS!! I'm not actually joking, just - gobsmacked.
She is looking to "Wendy" your business. She will lever her way in by hook or by crook if you let her. She will then take over, & edge you out.
DO NOT EXPOSE YOUR BUSINESS TO THIS WOMAN'S PREDATIONS.

Sorry OP. You asked how to tactfully preserve the friendship.
I don't think she's your friend.

‘No thanks!’

that’s all you need to say. Jfc.
And don’t tell people private details about your business.

Stop talking about it with her ,sounds like your giving her ideas ,she sounds the type of person to set up doing the same thing herself,and laughingly saying it’s just a bit of healthy competition.
if she continues after you e said no ,she’s not your friend

I would definitely not let her into the business. It really can ruin a friendship (voice of experience here). I'd say something jokey like 'You know I'm a bit of a control freak so am running this on my own for the foreseeable future'.

Oh hell no don't let her get involved! Every time she brings it up just say "oh i don't need any help thank you!" . Be a broken record. Don't let her look at any of your templates or materials. Don't even tell her where you buy your findings and stuff. She will try and set up a competing business with you.

Also - PP mentioned downplaying your business & income from now on.
I agree.

Make it seem like a titchy little hobby that is starting to bore you a bit now.
If she already knows about the £500/ month, let it slip 'naturally' that demand is fading, but weren't you lucky to have those few flukey months ...

Then GREY ROCK it.
This woman is circling you like a shark OP. You need to conceal the scent of blood.
www.e-counseling.com/mental-health/what-is-the-grey-rock-method/

Again - I'm not joking. SHE WANTS YOUR CLIENT LIST FFS 😡👺
It doesn't get much more blatant than that.

maybe it's time to distance yourself

I run my own business and would never let anyone else join in.

I am happy to mentor people when they are not in direct competition but nothing more than that. I have built up a very solid local following and have no plans to share.

Perhaps pull back from your friend for a bit OP, then be vague if she mentions it again. Keep details to yourself, never discuss them with her.

She literally wants you to GIVE her your business. Clients, knowledge..she has an unbelievable nerve. Say the point of doing this for you is to work alone and not be accountable to others.

I'd say tell her how much work your techniques and client list represent but given her job I expect she already understands these concepts, she just doesn't care. I would pull back on contact for a bit personally because she is showing herself to be a pretty bad friend here.

I agree @puppetcat. I would be very angry if a friend felt she could help herself to my client list.

Even putting the best possible spin on it, it's patronising & controlling.

And there's isn't a 'best spin' here.
A woman who works in finance, who pays no attention to OP's business until it's starting to turn over an amount healthy enough to become worthy of ramping up into a viable income stream, suddenly wants to "lend a hand" & "learn your crafting techniques" & "look at your client list" ... it STINKS.

This.

She sounds like a CF to me, not a friend.

Stop talking about your business.

Do not mention any of your suppliers etc.

Keep it 100% private.

Well done for doing so well, but watch her now.

She is very presumptuous and is not thinking about what is best for you in any shape or form.

She has sharp elbows, beware.

This would be a good response. I've been self employed for 7 years, and have several friends in the same sole trader position. I have rarely made enough money to support a second person.

Tell her to bog off.
Perhaps more diplomatically, but the same sentiment.

Do not let her in an inch. Do not share any more info with her going forwards. You've worked really hard to do something you enjoy, on your own terms and it's a success. Guard it carefully. Well done you! Just tell her that you're thoroughly enjoying working on your own and want to keep it that way, at least for now. If she's a friend, she'll continue to be happy for you and drop the hints.

Why are you even asking this question?

If you wrote a book to be published and this friend asked to receive half the royalties if she added some chapters - would you?

if you baked a beautiful wedding cake for a mutual friend and she asked to receive joint payment and credit for it if she iced the top tier - would you?

if you worked a market stall in weathers for a year selling honey from your own bees that you’d carefully nurtured for years, and she asked for a cut of your profits if she helped you man the stall on Sundays - would you?

people need to learn to say NO to entitled people. Just - NO. No thank you if you’re feeling friendly.

OP,

I mean it kindly, but she must think you are a bit dim, that you might actually contemplate giving her your business plan, client list.

Only someone really dim would do this.

So why is she thinking this of you?
She is trying to take advantage of you.

She is not your friend.
She is a user and a CF.

Re read @KettrickenSmiled's post.

Down play and tell her nothing.
Keep your cards very close to your chest going forward.

Don't do it! I started a little tiny business with a friend post lockdown, think Etsy, and it ruined the friendship within weeks

Another point of her wanting to look at your client list - that data could well be protected under GDPR. so just tell her you can't, that list has personal data which your client has only supplied to you to provide a service. You could be breaking the law if you were to share their data with her without their consent.

@KettrickenSmiled every time i see your username i do a little fangirl dance. Love kettricken.

If she's the sort of person you can be honest with then I'd try that. If she's not and doesn't respect boundaries and the friendship would be ruined if you were bluntly honest with her, then I'd lie and say that you're worried you'd ruin the friendship as you tend to be a control freak and she'd probably not enjoy working with you.

@Badqueen snap - I already mentioned GDPR upthread and yes, the rules definitely apply, even for a business as small as this one.

Sorry i must have missed that :) there you go then op, you wouldn't want to break the law.

If she's done well for herself and is in finance, could you also gain from a partnership?

I agree with Alphons. Just say NO. FFS, it's easy to just say 'No thank you'.