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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my husband is gravely ill at the wrong time? Thread 2

610 replies

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 30/05/2022 11:23

Continuing from 1st thread.

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Thread gallery
33
olympicsrock · 16/01/2023 06:46

Zopliclone not a bad shout in this situation 😀 , I’d go with gabapentin pregabalin or amitryptiline first though here maybe to treat the pain. Amitryptiline will help you sleep and pain and mood.

Stomacharmeleon · 16/01/2023 06:59

I am on other pain killers it was just the lack of sleep was really affecting me. Also I was on a super dose of steroids for years so that made me.... wired :/

picklemewalnuts · 16/01/2023 07:37

Gosh Porsche, it doesn't seem to get any better for you. Sad

You have to have a cry at the GP. It seems to focus their mind.

I get what you say about the hip pain and the sleep issue. My pain is almost completely resolved (amitryptiline) bar the deepest pain in my bum, mainly at night. I've done physio as well, but the bastard pain keeps recurring.

Can I appeal to you to take your health seriously? You have to look after yourself because you're worth it BUT also because your DC need you!

Prolonged pain and stress of the type you're experiencing can make you chronically ill. It needs sorting out!

Flowers
MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 16/01/2023 09:59

My GP phone call is next Tuesday.

Not a wink of sleep last night or the night before. Managed two cat naps Sunday.

I have the children today - no chance of a crafty 40 winks.

We're trying to fathom a train track layout - it's not as easy as the diagram makes out. There are sloping pieces and bridges and bits and bobs which divert the track. I'm trying to think but I'm a bit discombobulated.

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picklemewalnuts · 17/01/2023 07:54

Ah, you need my DH. He's fab with train tracks. I'd lend him to you, but you've enough on your plate Grin

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 17/01/2023 08:21

@picklemewalnuts
🤣
Gave up on the train track and settled for the rug with roads on and got the box of vehicles out.

The boys then decided to play dress up - they took their socks off and put the clippy cloppy shoes on. H wasn't impressed - he went on a long walk. There's a tv company filming in town and he wanted to appear in a tv series so went along to disrupt the film company. He reckons he's in at least one shot - with his little rucksack. He says they think he was an extra.

@olympicsrock
Had some sleep! Possibly significant amount. Don't feel better - more shattered today if anything. Second night with the 'Yoda' - couldn't get on with the 'pace' and 'rhythm' the first night. And it made me jump out of my skin when I thought it had finished and it hadn't. I had no faith that it would make a difference and I'm not sure if I was just exhausted - but we'll see. I'm a bit excited that it 'worked' last night. Can't wait to try again. I'm like a little schoolgirl on the excitement level. Didn't wake up in pain which is very odd. Although it's set in now after rushing about and scraping the car and getting prepared for the school run.

If you know Sean Bean - give him a nod. I'd love him to be Yoda. I once heard him (probs radio 4) reading a Wordsworth poem and he rhymed water with clatter - which was almost organism(ic) Blush love his voice/accent and would be even more excited if his dulcet tones could lull me to sleep.

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picklemewalnuts · 17/01/2023 08:24

Ooh, I did a poem once for a Lamda exam that rhymed clatter and water. It completely changed the feel of the verse, everything else fell into place from 'watter'.

Sleep is a game changer. Managing to reduce the cortisol levels enough to sleep can be tricky.

MmedeGouge · 17/01/2023 09:04

Might you be a bit too stoic for your own good?
My very tough, hard as nails, Head of comprehensive school friend, had to break down and sob in the GP’s surgery before he took her medical problem seriously.
She was very shaken as she related the tale to me later.
Do look after yourself as well as everyone else.

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 17/01/2023 10:41

@picklemewalnuts

Love language - have too many recordings of poetry and never get time to sift through and listen. Pace, rhythm, timing, timbre - I once had a young boy (11yrs) in class who just 'got it'. The hairs on my body would stand on end when he recited poetry. I loved showing his talents off in 'sharing assemblies' - he was mesmerising and I loved it when other staff/parents 'got him'. I would dig around my class until I found each and every hidden talent in each and every child and made sure that I 'showed' them at their best. I covered other teachers' music and MFL classes (we taught to our strengths) and I would take other class' sharing assemblies to show parents how their children excelled in other parts of the curriculum. Some assemblies would even show a brilliant skipping routine I had seen in the playground and we'd build/weave an assembly around a piece of music which would lend itself to skipping,gymnastics, drama, song, explanation, maths....

When my daughters were small we used to go to ballet and Miss G's chap had a voice I could've listened to all day (an actor who did voice training).

@MmedeGouge
It's interesting - I over think discomfort/pain. I'm not sure when discomfort becomes pain. I think of others and then assume that I'm not as bad. I know that those who shout loudest get results. But I never think I'm at the top of the 'list'. I assume that when you tell a professional that you have pain and you can't sleep that you are believed. And as someone who assumes that people understand statements the first time, I feel that I would be rude/irritating to have to reiterate. So I think that it's my choice of words/language in front of such professionals which is lacking.

I wouldn't say to a doctor that I feel like throwing myself under a train because of the amount of pain which builds up. 1) it could be seen as a threat. 2) I could get locked up. 3) I don't want to be seen as exaggerating.

When my gallbladder was taken out (was rushed in as an emergency) the surgeon, on the following day, said that I'd left it a little late and that the procedure had been 'a bloody mess'.

I'd known that I felt ill but I didn't know how ill I'd been until after I got better. Same when I had pneumonia in both lungs - completely unaware of how bad I'd been until about 5 month's into recovery.

I've kind of had pain in one place or another all the time - mainly migraines. But I've always had joint pain in various parts and never been able to convince a doctor it's bothering me beyond normal tolerances. Had some weird symptoms this past year though and that prompted an MRI last December which I'm waiting on actioning.

Since my daughters have been diagnosed with EDS I consider them to be much worse off than I am as whatever they describe, I know I have experienced - but theirs (pain) sounds much worse than mine does.

If that is stoicism then that's me. I'm acutely aware of being labelled a martyr on here as posters can tend to jump on that bandwagon and attack some posters. I don't feel like a martyr or a door mat - I love helping my family and I do put them first. Whether that is innate - I can't say. I'm am trying to now concentrate on putting on my life jacket first but finding it tricky to make time. When my grandchildren go home I need to sit and be quiet and can 'lose chunks of time' by going too far inside myself and overthinking.

Wish there was an off switch.

Ooo - think I may have actually found one. This Yoda Nidra stuff is interesting. I will investigate further.

I have renamed this process 'Yoda' as when I have to really listen and concentrate, I find myself changing voices into alternative voices. I am currently changing a Nidra excerpt into the voice of Yoda in my head. It's also the Yorkshire version of Yoda - which can be doubly distracting. But I think that I relaxed enough to actually get a few hours sleep and I can't remember dreaming so wonder if it was a good, deep sleep.

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MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 17/01/2023 12:10

Yorkshire Yoda - be reyt it will.

Pronounced rait or reet dependent on locality.

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MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 17/01/2023 12:59

Grandson's dexcom test cancelled for Thursday.

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olympicsrock · 17/01/2023 17:25

So glad you enjoyed the yoda nidra, we need to find you the Sean Bean version. It takes a bit of practice to allow yourself to relax sufficiently to really let yourself go. I used to do a lot of yoga but stopped due to Covid and a change of routine ( and bad shoulder) .

It can help to really get comfortable with warm feet and hands and perhaps a lavender eye mask to clock out all the other stimuli.

You should use your description of pain ‘ makes you want to through yourself under a train’ . That makes a doctor clearly understand that this is not tolerable, it is barely bearable and needs immediate action.
Noone would think that was madness.
Your use of Language just makes your gloriously human probably why so many of us feel we know you and are on your team. Let’s have a bit of honesty when you see your GP please . Xx

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 17/01/2023 19:46

Yes - it could be assumed that it's a quite facile thing to do/a facile solution to something as debilitating as sleep deprivation.

I have listened to meditations and relaxation excerpts quite a few times before but because they didn't make a difference immediately I assumed that I wouldn't be 'susceptible' to this type of approach. Like those people who become hypnotised and cluck like a chicken when they hear the trigger word.

I listened a second time (wasn't going to) and it was a different experience. Like when I listen tonight, it will be different again because I am processing the information at times during the day and rationalising it more as a long term process rather than a quick fix. I found it surprisingly easy to empty my (over-full) mind which I've never really understood how to before. I managed to get myself as comfy as I was going to get with a large, firm pillow under my knees and lying on my back. I haven't been able to lie on my back since the start of my frozen shoulders, so I was happy to have achieved that little step. I could feel the weight and pressure of my body on the surface of the bed and was able to focus and feel each part of my body separately. When I've heard this type of approach before, I've not understood how to do it and possibly thought it was 'new age gobbledygook'. But I gave it some thought and yes I need much more practice, but the penny has dropped and I think I understand.

It's quite a powerful tool when you think about it.

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MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 17/01/2023 19:47

Oooo Sean Bean <rubs thighs>.

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HumourReplacementTherapy · 18/01/2023 11:23

Re dexcom test.
You can buy a Libre over the counter. (does the same thing as a dexcom in fact a dexcom doesn't even make sense for a one off test as the transmitter that clicks in it lasts for 90 days and is the most expensive part)
Your daughter could just do it herself or the hospital could just post one to her.
It's very easy to set up.
Id phone and ask to post.
I can help if you need guidance with it.

picklemewalnuts · 18/01/2023 11:42

Ooh, Sean Bean indeed!

How interesting, I suspect we are similar! Though I fell out with teaching as the other bits- the bits that the children had to do, whether I thought it was a good idea or not- overtook the fun bits. I think children learn round the edges of doing fun stuff. But hey ho, it's not the current method.

picklemewalnuts · 18/01/2023 13:16

Out of interest, @MyOtherCarIsAPorsche , what are your parents like?

I've been stoic, ignoring pain, looking after everyone else, pushing on through... coping.

With hindsight, my mother is very self absorbed and was the only person who was allowed to matter. I'm somewhat hyper vigilant as a result and simultaneously over sensitive and practiced at ignoring my own discomfort.

Does that ring any bells?

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 18/01/2023 13:34

@HumourReplacementTherapy

We can ask about postage.

We thought it was because of his age that we had to go to the hospital especially for fitting - he's just turned two years.

If we knew for definite that his blood sugars were causing seizures we would absolutely buy one.

The few times he's been admitted to hospital with seizures his blood sugar has been low. We still haven't had any diagnosis as yet.

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MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 18/01/2023 18:38

@picklemewalnuts

That's interesting - both parents stoic. Both missed out on procedures which would've given them a much better quality of life.

Both couldn't do enough for anyone.

Very strong, compassionate, open minded people. But undemonstrative. Which explains why I'm not 'touchy, feely'.

Mum had 12 miscarriages before she had my brother aged 33 yrs, then me when she was 35 yrs - which was considered old back in the 60s. It was discovered that she had an untreated under active thyroid - which I also have (treated).

Dad died in 2017 after a year in hospital. Mum is very frail, bed ridden, frozen in foetal position - she's clinging on.

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picklemewalnuts · 18/01/2023 21:13

Very different from mine then- though my dad was stoic. We all danced to Mum's tune! Your poor parents, especially mum, going through that.

I learned stoicism in response to my needs remaining unmet.
My dad's parents were Victorians. They were quite old when he was born. There was a generation between his parents and my mum's. So he was lovely but a bit old fashioned.

On a completely different note... I've had my crochet hook out and done a couple of granny squares. I'm going to granny square till I'm sick of them, then start a project of some kind. Either a tank top, as I have wool bought for it, or socks.

I'm a very intermittent crafter, I have the attention span of a gnat!

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 19/01/2023 01:13

@picklemewalnuts

I was a very prolific knitter - can't concentrate lately though the orders keep rolling in and it's making me anxious.

My Dorothy Mouse remains headless - and earless and tail-less.

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picklemewalnuts · 19/01/2023 08:08

Dorothy is a personality waiting to happen!

I do hope you feel better soon, and get your mojo back.

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 20/01/2023 01:43

Here she is!

To think my husband is gravely ill at the wrong time?  Thread 2
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mattyd · 20/01/2023 07:27

🐭❤

Weenurse · 20/01/2023 07:31

She looks adorable