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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know IABU - please tell me to get a grip!

148 replies

Maybebabynumber1 · 29/05/2022 20:04

DH’s best friend is getting married and a couple of days ago told us they were bringing the wedding forward to a few months time. The date they have chosen happens to be on my son’s first birthday. They are only allowing their families children so he won’t be invited which I completely understand but I can’t help but feel a little devastated. I KNOW that is very dramatic and I’m being completely ridiculous so I really need someone to tell me to get a grip as he won’t remember and we can literally celebrate it the day before or day after.

I think I partly feel like it because I had a bit of a rubbish birth and DS spent a few weeks in the hospital as soon as he was born and I’ve probably not dealt with those feelings properly.

I’m genuinely surprised at how upset I feel about this sodding wedding date and I’m hoping you can give my head a wobble!

OP posts:
Tiredmamaaa · 29/05/2022 21:16

I don’t think you are being unreasonable at all. I think you are being maternal and a great mother for feeling that tug to want to spend the day with your son. I’d struggle with this too. It’s a hard one as it’s a big day for your friends too but it’s a huge day for your family and it’s a big milestone 💙

WooNoodle · 29/05/2022 21:16

Or OP might regret not having a special 1st birthday. Even though I didn't do any thing massive I managed a small gathering for my DC's first. A relative was absolutely gutted and jealous as she'd had her baby's first in lockdown. These things are important to some mums. I'd fought so hard to become a mum I was so happy to celebrate a year.

WithABiffBangPow · 29/05/2022 21:17

Do they know it's his birthday on the day they've chosen?
Surely if they do know then they wouldn't mind you bringing him along and if they don't know then your husband should remind them and then they'll invite him along because that's the sort of thing best friends do.

waitingpatientlyforspring · 29/05/2022 21:17

My DH and I wouldn't go. Celebrating our child's birthday is much more important.

WooNoodle · 29/05/2022 21:18

Thing is. It will be your friends big day with out you. It won't be the key feature of their day. But you will always remember that you didn't have a first birthday thing on their first birthday.

Tee20x · 29/05/2022 21:19

Don't think you need to get a grip. I would feel the same & wouldn't go.

doitwithlove · 29/05/2022 21:19

I would spend the day celebrating my sons birthday, should a babysitter be available I would go to the wedding reception for a couple of hours if it was local to me.

If no babysitter available, I would happily spend the time at home.

BattenburgDonkey · 29/05/2022 21:19

I wouldn’t go, they’ve moved it forward to a date you already have plans and haven’t thought to atleast invite your DS. He won’t be aware at all if you go, but I wouldn’t miss it. Although I imagine your DH still will go which is a shame.

MarvellousMay · 29/05/2022 21:20

I also wouldn’t go and I wouldn’t want my DH to go either. That first year, it’s so hard. The celebration of surviving that... I wouldn’t have missed that for anyone.

20viona · 29/05/2022 21:20

I'd go. You can probably wake up with your kid have some fun for a couple of hours then head to the wedding.. logistics depending. Celebrate properly another day.

DM1720 · 29/05/2022 21:22

I definitely wouldn’t go. And I’d probably expect my DH to go for just a short while and come home to spend most of the day with us. We had a wedding invite for our boy’s first birthday. It was a good friend/colleague of my DH and neither of us even considered going! Your baby will only have one first birthday. You don’t want to miss it!

WooNoodle · 29/05/2022 21:22

Why are they moving it forward? Is one of them sick?

Lightsoutallout · 29/05/2022 21:28

Could you remind your friend that it is your LO's 1st birthday that day and you would struggle with mum guilt if you missed it and you wouldn't ask if it weren't his birthday but is there any way LO could come along with you?

Every one is different but my priority is my son and it's his 1st birthday on Tuesday and I wouldn't miss it for a friend. I would expect any of my friends to understand that. As I would equally understand if it was the other way round.

TabithaTittlemouse · 29/05/2022 21:32

I wouldn’t go. Be kind to yourself.

WishILivedInThrushGreen · 29/05/2022 21:34

Your child won't know.
Celebrate the day before or after.

Jeansgoals · 29/05/2022 21:35

Being away from dc on first bday where there's trauma, wouldn't be great. I'm not a sentimental person but I did have birth trauma which I thought about the whole day. It was quite miserable really. If possible I would hopefully plan to attend evening do when dc in bed. If not I wouldn't go.

dreamyunicorn · 29/05/2022 21:35

No way would I miss my baby's first birthday! In fact I wouldn't miss any, unless it wouldn't make a difference like they are on a school trip all day long but I'd still be there for the return.

Sod the wedding it was their choice to move it and I guess they would have known it's near your child's birthday so could have checked if they wanted you there that much!

HerRoyalNotness · 29/05/2022 21:43

Mmm difficult. Is the wedding in the same town? If so and it’s an afternoon ceremony can you have a breakfast party, cake and presents in the morning with your family and still make the wedding?

GingeryLemons · 29/05/2022 21:46

I'm planning a wedding and wouldn't want any guest of mine to be missing their first child's first birthday because of my wedding. It's just not something I would ever, ever expect.

Spacemonkey2016 · 29/05/2022 21:49

Oh, don't go OP. As others have said, it doesn't matter to baby, but it certainly matters to you. I wouldn't be going to a wedding on my child's first birthday (BUT equally understand that some people would). Surely if you point out the birthday, they'd let you bring him?

almostsinglemum · 29/05/2022 21:51

Nope I wouldn't be going either. Especially as I couldn't even take my child with me. No way I'd be leaving them with someone else on their 1st birthday, just wouldn't sit comfortably with me at all. YANBU!!

almostsinglemum · 29/05/2022 21:53

Also, how does your DH's best friend not know they've picked his son's first birthday as a wedding date? He must surely know that? And therefore can't be surprised when he isn't available to attend.🤷‍♀️

carefullycourageous · 29/05/2022 21:56

I'm not sure I would want to go either, I don't think YABU.

lunar1 · 29/05/2022 21:56

Sod that, I wouldn't miss my childrens birthdays for someone's wedding. You never know what's round the corner, if it's something important to you then you are allowed to put that first.

It wouldn't happen on DH's side that's for sure, excluding children would be deemed practically criminal!

Jeansgoals · 29/05/2022 21:58

If they want you there that badly then baby has to come too.