To want to move back to the UK from the US?

[Star555]

For background, I am a 30-something year old British expat who has been in the US for a long time. My parents also live in the US, though on the other side of the country. I am currently doing a postgraduate STEM degree (at a very liberal east coast university) that I expect to finish in 3-4 years.

I don't think I've ever felt such a strong longing to return to the UK as I have been feeling over the last year or so, and especially now after the horrific Texas school shooting. Despite the pandemic, Brexit, the war in Ukraine, the cost of living crisis, Partygate, etc. I just feel like moving back home to the UK would be better and safer than staying in the US where mass shootings have become the norm, and the sex-based rights of women are being systematically erased in the name of "trans rights". (At least there is more pushback in the UK from JKR and other feminists and politicians!) I cannot imagine raising kids in the future in such an environment as the US.

I'm stuck finishing my degree for the next few years so it wouldn't be an immediate move, but I've started thinking about it seriously. My parents are permanently settled in the US and don't want to return to the UK, so it would be just me who moves. As an only child, I would feel guilty being so far from my parents as they get older, and any UK salary I earn would be significantly lower than the corresponding US salary, so I wouldn't have any financial cushion, especially if I move to London.

Has anyone been in a similar position? Honestly both the US and UK are a big mess right now, but would you move back to the UK from the US if you were in my shoes? Thanks!

It’s definitely a tricky one with your parents settled there, however there really cannot be many places I’d rather not be than America right now.

you’re not wrong to want to escape the mass shootings, I’d want to come home before I had children. But also for me it would be the possibility of trump re running in a couple of years. Let’s face it Biden isn’t exactly proving what an amazing leader he is. Then it’s the threat of the abortion laws being reversed.

It really seems, more than ever, that America has a serious identity crisis and feels like it’s on the brink of nothing good

If they live in the other side of the US, is there really going to be that much difference in how much and how often you see them, if you live in the UK?

I would.

I am living in a very liberal state at the moment and although my DH and DC love it here, my DH has agreed that we should move back in the next few years.

The UK has its issues, but the politics and the erosion of women’s right do not sit well with me at all.

I was incredulous when the NRA had a convention in the same week that all those children were murdered. I also with the fact that some senators were saying that teachers should be armed FFS!!

I was also shocked that some senators said that teachers should be armed (that should have said).

Lol! That wasn’t supposed to be that large and in bold 😂

I am currently in Sweden but given the chance I would move back to the UK in heartbeat but I can't for the near future - kids to far into the Swedish school system and house prices have galloped ahead of me.

Good luck

I have a different set up but returned to the UK after spending 7+ years studying there. I’m a dual citizen, with a parent from the US but both parents live in the UK. People at the time thought I was mad to return but I just wasn’t happy with the ‘quality’ of life. Maybe just where I was (big faceless city with almost no green space etc, shitty annual leave, career road block) but no way in earth would i return now. My siblings are there and I visit regularly but I’d take raising children here than over there anyway. It depends I think, on how close you are with your parents but ultimately do what fits best with what you want out of life.

I'd definitely look into it, depending on what you'd want to do when here ie carry on studying or go into work there's actually more opportunities in areas outside of London now then there has been historically; so I wouldn't limit myself to there necessarily. Also agree that it doesn't sound like it'd be overly more travel to see your parents if you're on the other side of the country now. I studied in the US and worked there for a few years after graduation, as much as I did enjoy many elements I left for fairly similar reasons and haven't regretted it. Yes there are a lot of issues here as well at the moment, but all things considered definitely better imo.

I'm a US expat (immigrant?) in the UK. I would move back to the US if I could because I miss my family so much, but all the things you list increasingly give me pause.

Another depressing thing about the US is the cost of healthcare. Yes, the NHS is overstretched, but that could be fixed. One of my US sisters recently retired from a successful and demanding career in high tech. Thrilled for her as she'll finally have time to pursue her creative hobby, spend more time with family, get the rest she deserves, etc. I spoke with her recently and she's putting in job applications right and left trying to find something that's less demanding than her previous 60-hour workweeks but still offers health insurance😩

I should add, you may end up seeing your parents more given annual leave entitlement in UK and you’d be almost just as far flight time from the other side of the country.

No way would I raise my children in a country with such serious school safeguarding issues if I had other options. YADNBU. And that's before you even get to the regressive control of women's bodies. The US is heading nowhere good, get back to Europe ASAP!

I honestly don’t know how parents cope in America - sending their kids to school every day, knowing there is a very real possibility of them being killed or injured. I just can’t comprehend it and my heart goes out to parents stuck in that. There are a LOT of problems in the Uk - I’m under no illusions about that and a lot that angers and frustrates me. But I send my children to school knowing they’re safe. I can’t stop thinking about this poor children, how terrified they must have been and how they must have wanted their parents in their final moments. So no - I don’t think you’re unreasonable.

Long term US ex-Pat living in UK.
I have never regretted moving here, and the longer I am here, the more I am convinced it is the better choice. No place is perfect, but the prevalence of guns and the poor quality of US health care clinch it for me.
In terms of your family, I am connected with most on social media, so we stay in touch a lot. If you stayed in the US, you could end up living far from your parents.
I personally find most of US very boring culturally, unless you live in New York or San Francisco. Generally a cultural wasteland. But some people like Las Vegas and NASCAR racing😱

Poor Annual leave
Gun laws
Health care is a massive one
Culture and history
For me it is the UK everytime.

You may earn more in the US but it does not outweigh the above in my opinion.

Also you will have more annual leave to visit your parents. How often do you see them if they are in different state?

Wow.
Appreciate the NHS so much.

I'm American but have lived in the UK longer than the states, and there's just no way I would move back. I could technically get a high paying job over there, but I agree with the problems already mentioned by pp. I'm also lesbian and getting married later this year, this limits safe places fornus to live. Not worth it in any sense.

Thanks for the thoughtful replies! I feel a bit better seeing I'm not being too unreasonable. Regarding frequency of seeing my parents: I agree that with more holiday leave in the UK, I'd probably still be able to visit them relatively frequently. But the other way round will get more difficult, and my parents want to be able to come and stay with me easily. As I said I'm the only child and I don't mind my parents staying with me for long periods of time; I know it makes them feel happy and comfortable to be near me. (My parents are fine with going on a nonstop 4-5 hour flight across the US, but as they get older, flying to the UK via a 4-5 hour domestic US flight first then connecting to a 7-8 hour transatlantic flight might be too much for them.)

As for the timing, finishing my degree will take 3-4 years so 2026 would likely be the earliest time for a move back to the UK. By that time, if we are unlucky, Trump might be halfway through his 2nd term. And who knows which way the UK 2024 elections will go, and whether new trade deals will mitigate the impact of Brexit.

Those are all worthwhile considerations, but also something to think about is where you'd want to raise a family, and what you'd like your timeline to be for that. Once you've got dc in the mix, moving countries is infinitely more complex.

Don't do it. I also moved to the US two decades ago and despite the news events I live a very peaceful and uneventful life. When I visit the UK and see how people are struggling to survive combined with the shitty weather, poky houses and poor wages I am glad I left. There's no perfect place but my the standard of living here outclasses UK (unless you are Uber wealthy). You will regret it if you leave.

YANBU. I wouldn't want to live in any country where people can buy guns without any sort of checks or controls.

And then there's the healthcare issue. The NHS may be struggling, but no-one in the UK will have to choose between bankruptcy or not having essential meidcal treatment.

Restricting a woman's right to choose is a pretty big deal for me, too.

I agree on the houses and weather (although thats personal preference)- poor wages...as if the US is a beacon for great employment laws, protection and pay ahaha good one.

I heard Helen Reddy's I Am Woman on Sounds of the Seventies the other day and had just been reading about the removal of abortion rights in the US and I started crying.

I couldn't live in the US because of the Religious Right. I am so grateful we don't have them in the UK.

If you live in a blue state, in a prosperous middle class area (in the British sense of middle class), you don't need me to tell you that you will rarely see a gun. Your chances of being harmed by a gun, if you don't own one (suicide is the big risk), are minuscule. Honestly, when I'm in the US, I'm way more worried about dying in a car accident than being shot - the US road-death fatality rate is nearly 5 times that of the UK and, as you will know, a lot of the driving is abysmal.

The erosion of women's rights is a huge concern, I agree. But you have got to balance that against the powerful protections of freedom of expression in the US, which do not exist here to anything like the same extent Many of the steps that have been taken in the UK to suppress GC women could not have happened in the US, due to 1st Amendment protections.

Basically, I don't think it's a straightforward call. I think you should give the UK a try, but don't burn your boats in the US. Both have pros and cons.

Also maternity leave is shocking in the US. Almost non existent in most jobs. I would definitely move back to the UK if I were you.