To want to move back to the UK from the US?

[Star555]

For background, I am a 30-something year old British expat who has been in the US for a long time. My parents also live in the US, though on the other side of the country. I am currently doing a postgraduate STEM degree (at a very liberal east coast university) that I expect to finish in 3-4 years.

I don't think I've ever felt such a strong longing to return to the UK as I have been feeling over the last year or so, and especially now after the horrific Texas school shooting. Despite the pandemic, Brexit, the war in Ukraine, the cost of living crisis, Partygate, etc. I just feel like moving back home to the UK would be better and safer than staying in the US where mass shootings have become the norm, and the sex-based rights of women are being systematically erased in the name of "trans rights". (At least there is more pushback in the UK from JKR and other feminists and politicians!) I cannot imagine raising kids in the future in such an environment as the US.

I'm stuck finishing my degree for the next few years so it wouldn't be an immediate move, but I've started thinking about it seriously. My parents are permanently settled in the US and don't want to return to the UK, so it would be just me who moves. As an only child, I would feel guilty being so far from my parents as they get older, and any UK salary I earn would be significantly lower than the corresponding US salary, so I wouldn't have any financial cushion, especially if I move to London.

Has anyone been in a similar position? Honestly both the US and UK are a big mess right now, but would you move back to the UK from the US if you were in my shoes? Thanks!

*women

Yanbu! If I was forced to live outside of the UK I can think of probably 100 countries I would rather live in than the States.

London and other parts of the uk do have a problem with knife crime though - it's not an automatic rifle but if your child gets stabbed in a shopping centre it's just as lethal to them

Knife crime amongst young people in London is almost always gang related though, as opposed to random attacks like school shootings. That makes a big difference to the risk factor in my opinion.

Again with abortion, if you live in a democrat state it's unlikely to ever pose an issue should you want one.

Don't forget the UK has plenty of division too, pro or anti brexit, Scotland likely to break away. Change and political turmoil is a constant of many societies.

In a heartbeat.

Is there any other country you would consider moving to it could move to?

I mean I wouldn't touch the U.K. either tbh. Brexshit is going to wallop us hard and this current government is alarming me.

The other options would be Canada and Ireland, I suppose. I'd like to live in an Anglophone country, and Aus/NZ are just too far away from both the US and UK (not to mention expensive). I love visiting continental Europe for the history and culture but wouldn't want to live there as I'd always feel like a foreigner and non-native language speaker (I'm also mixed-race with darker skin). But easy access to Europe for holidays is definitely a big plus for moving back to the UK for me.

Do you think the Brexit situation will be somewhat better in 2026 compared to now? (Of course not as good as it was pre-Brexit.)

I am British, lived in the USA for 20+ years, have two teens, we moved back to the UK a few years ago and we all agree (and still agree) it was the best decision for us in our situation and we all are still loving it. My teenagers surprisingly say they have had the best of both worlds but are glad to be here. I naturalised so I can go back if I want to (but don't plan to anytime soon,) it would be good for you to leave the door open.

There is good and bad on both sides, pro's and con's and its such an individual thing, but healthcare costs, gun laws, amount of holiday etc etc are things we didn't like and we wanted our kids to see more of the world, and we all now love living so close to Europe and so many places to see in the UK that are so close.

I think if you still have the itch in a couple of years, you should go for it, who knows what will happen before then, but if you don't try you may always have that awful "what if"! and if you keep the door open you can always return.

Good Luck.

i would not live in the usa with kids. ever.

uk has good healthcare/maternity leave/holiday leave - yes it has its downsides but i cant send me kids to school knowing they wont be likely getting shot.

I don't know about 2026 and Brexshit.

I mean, trade deals will never replace what we had. Car industry now reported to sink as predicted by Brexshit hero, Minford.

Plus this government seems intent on alienating GB particularly over the NI question.

It's seems like so much damage is being done, so much decline that will take ages to repair. If ever.

Canada looks better to me.

It feels like both your heart and head say Britain so on this basis, I'd say go to Britain. You can always relocate a few years down the line.
Not sure if that would be an option or that there would be a need but I have a friend who is an expat in the UK who relocated her parents to Britain when they became too old and invalid.

I'm an expat ( from mainland Europe) in the UK and life is so much better here then at home, even after Brexit. No amount of sunshine would bring me back there.

I do agree uk firms and uk legislation is more family friendly, that said, if Op is looking at a tech or academic career in the US, those are two of the most family friendly/progressive areas of US occupations so the detail matters.

I've always heard good things about Canada too...

I’m an expat (Canadian, not US, so different issues, I appreciate that). You can expect: Pokey houses, depressed salaries, and a generally lower quality of life. If you plan on having a career in stem, your salary and job prospects are much better in the the US, you only have to look at how anti-innovation and anti-business this current government is. I know plenty of people who travel down the US for extended periods of time and have not been affected by gun violence (not saying it’s not an issue, but chances are probably slimmer than you think). The women’s rights issues current are very, very worrying.

But as your parents get older, it will be more difficult for them to travel and if you have children you may feel the need to be closer to them for the benefit of your children. Maternity leave is ok here, better than the US, while the cost of childcare is probably around the same. Government pensions are a joke, so you will have to contribute a significant amount to accumulate a decent retirement pot.

People say they find the US boring culturally, but if you love nature and the outdoors, the US has so many opportunities for that. You can’t get away from people here. Every national park, tourist town, beach is just rammed with people.

People in the US have a much more “can do”attitude which i find refreshing and they are friendlier and more open. This is based on my experience, but I find they do make a difference in the workplace.

Oh and be prepared to talk about boring things like class and property prices a lot.

The mood here now is not very optimistic, with inflation, brexit, cost of living crisis (Britain lurches from crisis to crisis). Some of my European friends call Britain a “developing nation“. Rough, I know! But, this could all change by the time you are done your studies.

You should try it for a few years here, but keep an open mind.

Guns are now the no.1 cause of death for children and teens in the US. Road deaths are almost 5 times what they are in the U.K. Then add in the erosion of women’s rights and I felt like the absolute best thing I could do for my daughter was to not raise her in the US. So that’s why we don’t live there anymore.

I think you’d be crazy to move to the uk. It’s completely fucked up! Brexit has turned it in to a provincial nasty little country.
The NHS is a disgrace, and the police are in the pocket of the present government.

Thinking about your parents, I know someone who had to move back to the uk as they got cancer when they got older and although they had insurance the ongoing treatment they needed was too expensive.

I feel similar. I’m an expat from an African country living in the Uk for over 20 years. I’m really longing to return home. Things here just make me feel restless. I’m starting to investigate the process to do that. However my family have deep roots here in the uk so it’ll be disruptive

YANBU if you want DC in future. The gun laws alone are enough for me. I can't get my head around schools needing to do practice drills with primary age DC, that is absolutely insane I would have to homeschool.

But also the women's rights erosion. I have DDs, I couldn't live in a country that forced them to have a baby against their wishes. Like living in the dark ages.

We moved back to the U.K. before the kids started school. I didn't want them to have to learn "active shooter" drills. Even in our liberal city guns were ever present - every police officer has one strapped to their shorts (which many wore year round go figure) and people we knew kept a gun at home, since moving to the U.K. there has been a school shooting there, I had good reason to worry. Downside was taking into account taxation we took a 50% pay cut to return to the U.K., upside is that the cost of living was around 1/3 less (so less money but not as much as you think)

@CousinKrispy at 76 my friend still works 20 hours a week at Starbucks for the health insurance, she's not alone, half the staff are past normal retirement age

Medicare eligibility in the US starts at 65. Do these older retired people not have Medicare for some reason?

I live in a blue state, in a college town, in the NE. Yes there are problems (as with everywhere) but my US is not the one MN seems to think it is. There is no way I’d return to Blighty. I barely visit.

I’m not going to list the UKs problems, mainly because my heart is British and I love my culture and heritage deeply, and I don’t want to denigrate my home country. But I have an idyllic life here. For all the reasons Sham and Miss Lucy explain. My life here is so so much lovelier and easier (yes easier!) than my life in the UK was.

And I’m very very liberal and abhor the right. But I love my life here. It is the right choice for me.

I’m not sure what I’m contributing to the discussion, but just know that life here with kids (in the right state and town) is much easier than life in the UK.

I couldn’t want to live in the US less but leaving the country my parents live in would be really hard. However their distance from you might make a difference