To think of you’re slim and pretty you’ll never “get it”?

[drivetosurvive]

Just to preface by saying I know we all have hang ups and insecurities- especially now with social media and filters etc

I have two close friends. One always asks me what I’m going to wear when we meet up. I hate my body and I’ve gained a lot of weight (size 14 now 20/22 so never been slim) I rarely buy clothes and just wear whet I fit into that day. I’ve been so blunt as to say “I’m fat so whatever I can find that I don’t hate” when I got fed up of that question … yet she still asks even now.

Other friend is very pretty, she gets a lot of attention and always has. I don’t want to date right now due to feeling very down about my looks and weight and she says “well men should like you for you” … which the sentiment is true but I don’t like me for me so why should a man? And it’s not easy to put yourself out there and she’s gorgeous so she’s never really had an issue of men not finding her attractive.

Aibu to think that both of them are slim and pretty and therefore having experienced what I’m going through?

You’re turning this into something it’s not. I need to lose weight for my HEALTH for a start and to feel confident in myself. It holds me back even at work.

I’ve never said anything about harassment either way. I’ve never said I want to be slim, pretty and only attract decent men. Like I can’t even be bothered to entertain such ludicrous accusations at this point.

Those friends also who say ‘what you wearing?’ on a day or night out, In my experience are insecure.
Thats not a bad thing, some confident people I even hear say this and it’s endearing actually, it humanises them

Are you responding to the wrong post? The first step towards getting where you want to be is to work out what’s the main block, and then see if it’s something that can be worked around.

You seem to be implying that the answer lies somewhere other than with the OP.

I get people talk to me all the time as though I have always looked the way I do now. Yeah I’m slim and pretty today. Last year? No. Ten years ago? No.

If anything it’s worse. I KNOW for absolute certainty men only like me when I am a fuckable thing. It highlights the shallow people very sharply.

so I think YABU to assume thin pretty people don’t get it. I do get it. I still have the same emotions from when I was a not thin or pretty person.

@IvyM life is just not that simple. Time, money obligations, mental health can all factor in, it's not just a question of laziness versus the amazing work ethic you pride yourself on. & I will never be a size 4 no matter what I do, I don't have that build, I was underweight at a size 8 and don't even look good like that.

But that's what comes with being slim and pretty. Constant harassment. Men dating you for your looks and not actually liking that you're a real person. You don't just get to cherry pick the nice bits. You get it all.

Not my experience of being slim and pretty! but then I didn't date arseholes.

I don't like being asked about clothes either OP not because I hate my body so much (I am a size 16/18 and Gained 4 st since having DC but I still like lots of things about my body) but because clothes just aren't as fun at this size. There's less choice and I have never really learned how to dress my body as it is now. Partly because I'm slowly losing the weight and don't WANT to get used to it - but I wouldn't appreciate conversations like this that I'd indicated weren't welcome. The styles I want to wear, don't look good now.

Anyone who thinks it's not easier to move through the world slim than fat - I disagree.
Anyone who thinks losing weight is always simple or even possible, for some people in some parts of their lives - I think that's ignorant.
& you know, bigger women actually do get harassed as well. & get abuse on the streets for their size too, fun hey! But can't possibly know the suffering of thin beautiful women...

Slim people who can eat whatever they like are just as rare as overweight people who are overweight due to health issues OP.

This is very true.

Taking control of your life will boost your self esteem.

Your D-friend can't fully understand it unless she's been there, it isn’t selfish.

I sometimes find people ignorant when it comes to my DC's needs though I sharply remind myself it's not their experience or journey, ignorance is bliss.

Your friend not asking what you are wearing won't improve your confidence, there is a solution that you can take control of by building self esteem or losing weight.

I'm quite tall and have always been slim. People think I'm good looking, I've been scouted by modelling agencies a few times etc.
I'm also from an ethnic minority and have suffered racism. And I have to tell you OP, it's easier being a fat white woman that it is being a thin and beautiful, statuesque non white woman. I am considered a see object, nothing more than a sexual curiosity. My body and face are objectively perfect. And boring.
There is so much I face, that you have no understanding of.
And I don't expect you to
But you don't see me complaining about it.

Yeah people who are overweight and then lose weight would get it … I’m talking about people who have always been thin.

Wow ….. 🤣🤣

I'm honestly mystified at how someone so incredibly rude and unpleasant even has friends. This has to be a wind up.

I’m just saying if you were always asking a friend (who you knew was self conscious) about what they were wearing and they responded with

“hi friend, I’m going to wear whatever I can find because I’m fat” or told you that almost didn’t come to your event because they got so upset they almost had a full blown panic attack because they had nothing to wear.

Would you continue asking them “what are you going to wear”

Agreed

And she does that not because she’s malicious but because she doesn’t get it.

It certainly is. Looking forward to being invisible to that type of guy tbh. They don't value anything about you, purely how you look and thats that. Never the person you are. I am incredibly fed up with men these days, so I will leave it there 😅

You still here?

I really don’t want to sound horrible but I’ve had weight problems and hated myself.. the be all and end all is if you aren’t happy with how you look make a plan and do something about it. It sucks but once you start doing something and seeing results god it feels amazing and it’s like you wonder why you didn’t start sooner

Yeah and I’m completely worthless - don’t miss that one off the list.

indeed! but some people like the chip on their shoulder. Mystifying

@drivetosurvive · Today 00:19

brighteyesburninglikefire

I'm quite tall and have always been slim. People think I'm good looking, I've been scouted by modelling agencies a few times etc.
I'm also from an ethnic minority and have suffered racism. And I have to tell you OP, it's easier being a fat white woman that it is being a thin and beautiful, statuesque non white woman. I am considered a see object, nothing more than a sexual curiosity. My body and face are objectively perfect. And boring.
There is so much I face, that you have no understanding of.
And I don't expect you to
But you don't see me complaining about it.

Wow ….. 🤣🤣

I was prepared to give you the benefit against my doubts OP but No you're ignorant.

How dismissive you were towards @brighteyesburninglikefire experiences.

Beauty shines from within.

You need to polish your attitude before working on the outside.

Wow.

Thanks. I’ve had a life planner/goal type journal gathering dust for months so I’m going to take small steps and start using it.

I've always been thin and I'm told I'm very pretty. It doesn't mean my life is easier and I definitely have lots of insecurities.
I'm tiny compared to my 3 best friends but don't have half their confidence. We went away recently and I was the only one who got undressed & dressed in private, my friends just strutted around happily!

You sound bitter and with zero empathy.

Tbh, it's absolutely how you carry yourself/dress. I'm a size 20, I love a flattering wrap dress, I make an effort with my appearance. Not to sound conceited I hope, but even being plus sized, I get lots of attention when out, and told I'm pretty a lot. I'm probably the biggest in my friendship group and it's never been an issue.
I'm very sure you are beautiful op, and if you feel that in yourself, others will notice too. A bit of confidence is sexy! There are some gorgeous plus sized outfits out there, it's just finding what suits you! X

Your friends are saints. I don't know how they put up with it.
You're so insistent on being this miserable drag, won't listen to an alternative viewpoint, won't accept that you are being absolutely unreasonable.
You just want to stay fat and miserable so you can keep complaining, trying to get sympathy.
Give yourself a slap

I really feel like women get the worst of it no matter what they look like. There is always something to pick on. I lost the weight and now I just suffer a new type of indignity from men, where as before it would be “fatty” on the streets or having milkshakes chucked at me from buses, it’s getting leered at by the same weirdos who would have openly sneered at me before.

Theres always some comment to be had. Slim pretty women get a different type of misogyny. It’s shouldn’t be fat women vs thin women. It should be men, stop objectifying us.