To not want to breastfeed in front of everyone?!

[HWka]

I’m due to give birth any day now and it’s our first, first grandchild on my DH side (not on mine). My DHs parents are also divorced so there’s two sets of grandparents there and then my parents also.
I understand everyone is so excited about the baby and the support is wonderful but my DH keep making plans for things like Father’s Day, birthday meals out, Christmas, summer stay overs and discussing it as “and the baby will be here!” But I don’t want to take my baby to lots of restaurants out, holidays I don’t want to be on, Christmas stayovers with his family and then another stay over with his other parent!
I’m planning on breastfeeding and I just want the time and space to do this- I’m not comfortable doing it in a restaurant (I don’t care if others do at all I just don’t want to get my boobs out in front of my in laws or my own family for that matter!)
My family are really chilled and excited about the baby but just want me to do whatever I’m happy with.
I don’t want to be the daughter in law from hell but am I a bit mean by not wanting to take my baby to every event and be expected to pass it round like a doll whilst trying to feed?! Not to mention the fact I’ll be on maternity pay so I don’t want all my money going on these events!
I had a quiet word with my husband and he said that we can just do whatever I’m happy with, which I really hope he sticks to.
I know I’ll just need to stand up for myself nearer the time and say no but I just wondered if I’m been a bit hormonal and unreasonable?!

You misunderstand.

I don't think I do, no.

Of course it's normal to be concerned in the early days when getting established.

However I have never in my life come across someone making plans for 7/8 months down the line based around not wanting to breastfeed in front of family members. Or deciding they won't be visiting restaurants for the whole time they're feeding their baby.

This sounds extreme. It sounds like you are planning on putting you and your husband's lives completely on hold once you have the baby. This just isn't necessary or healthy.

Even if you don't want to feed the baby in public, you can still visit people (ask if there is a spare room you can use), have people visit you at home, attend events (make sure there is somewhere private to feed baby/express/take a sling or shawl or time around feeds - doable after around 3 months or so).

Your current plan makes it sound like you plan on sucking all joy out of your life over the next few months (which will be difficult and different enough with a newborn anyway), isolate yourselves (bad idea during such a tricky time) and alienate a vital part of your support network. Yes, babies are important and benefit from a lot of time and attention from their parents. However, making them the ONLY important thing in your life is a big mistake. Your sense of self, relationship, self esteem, mental health and close relationships will suffer.

I've breastfed 2 children until they were 2.5 years old. I get the importance of a mother's touch and close contact - I've never been the sort to pass my baby around. But I still acknowledge that me and my partner have needs that exist aside from the baby!

I deleted my last post due to a mistype - sorry, but I think you've missed my point entirely.

As a new mum myself, I suspect this isn't about whether or not OP wants to feed in a restaurant, or whether she wants to spend Christmas with in laws. I suspect this is about DH signing her up for all these things (and more) before she's even had the baby. My point was that feeding in public, and seeing your baby being passed around, are all very normal anxieties, and DH (whilst with the best intentions) isn't helping by filling up her calender with things that will involve both of these before she's had chance to figure it all out.

That's fair enough but the OP is talking about Christmas when the baby will be starting to eat solids anyway!

See above.

@HWka I thought I’d hate feeding in front of people. We had our baby just before Christmas and I refused to miss our yearly trip to the zoo which had been cancelled the year before.

4 days pp I was sat in the soft play facing a queue of people through floor to ceiling glass doors all alone while hubby and DD played. A few hours later I was sat on a bench in the cold, in a thoroughfare feeding, again on my own.

Now it’s not for everyone but you may find ways to bf discreetly, you may not care or you may be very self conscious but please don’t make any plans based on your feelings just yet. (Also, there are some fab bf tops which are really discreet and mean not a lot is on show).

By 6 months it can have a roast potato instead of a breastfeed. See how it goes. Good luck.

Often it's not so much about negative feelings from others, it's more about how one feels about oneself and others watching or showing your body in public

That's YOU though, not everyone feels that comfortable with showing breast in public