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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be bit pissed off with this?

105 replies

BowieLover · 26/05/2022 11:44

Hi
Asked a very good friend of ours to make a birthday cake for our granddaughter.She said yea that's fine&asked what we wanted etc.I said to let me know how much she wanted for it.
We are taking her daughter on holiday with us in August when we go to Crete.Weve told her she doesn't need anything other than her spending money &passport.We will pay for everything else.
She initially said she wouldn't charge us for her time or anything she's already got in her cupboards at home,as she makes quite alot of cakes for people.So wasn't expecting it to be much more than 20/30 quid.Today she's said to my partner when she saw him is £60 ok? When dp told me I was quite taken aback&just a little pissed off after shed already said all that to me!
I'm not gonna fall out with her over it or anything as we've been good friends for a long time but I do feel a bit put out about it.Dp says I shouldn't worry about it&we'll just pay her regardless.So is it just me?

OP posts:
Mally100 · 26/05/2022 11:47

So you've paid for accommodation and travel, and she's still charging you?? I would be very, very pissed off. I would tell her rather leave rhe cake and get it elsewhere, and and ask her to contribute more towards the trip.

Beees · 26/05/2022 11:48

She said she would charge you for her time. I don't think many people could bake and decorate a cake well in just 2 or 3 hours so I wouldn't have expected it to be so cheap. 6 hours of work seems fair and reasonable.

Beees · 26/05/2022 11:51

Appologies you said she told you she wouldn't charge you for her time? So surely if she wasn't charging you for time or ingredients it would be free? What did she need to buy? Do you have it in writing that she wouldn't charge you for her time or ingredients?

user1471457751 · 26/05/2022 11:54

So you're giving her daughter a free holiday and she wants to charge you £60 for a cake. Yeah, she's taking the piss

Original poster
BowieLover · 26/05/2022 11:57

No I don't have it in writing.It was for 60 people all told so I guess it was for icing sugar Dec's &Def cake board as she did mention that.Not sure what else though.Am at work now so will answer again when I can.Thanks for the replies so far.

OP posts:
LetsGoCrazyPurpleBanana · 26/05/2022 11:57

I'd be pissed off too. She could have made you the cake for nothing as a thank you. I would have in that position :(

Aprilx · 26/05/2022 12:00

Beees · 26/05/2022 11:51

Appologies you said she told you she wouldn't charge you for her time? So surely if she wasn't charging you for time or ingredients it would be free? What did she need to buy? Do you have it in writing that she wouldn't charge you for her time or ingredients?

She said she wouldn’t charge for anything she had already in her cupboards, so presumably she would have to buy some ingredients. How that could add up to £60 though, I don’t know. It isn’t a bad price for a cake, but it isn’t what she said she would do.

CannaeRemember · 26/05/2022 12:02

Just tell her that you didn't want to spend that much and you'll buy a ready-made cake. Unless she's already made it? YANBU to be hacked off.

Acheyknees · 26/05/2022 12:08

I would just say sorry I don't want to pay that much and will purchase a ready made one. I think it would have been nice for her to do it for free, after all you will be providing a free holiday for her child!

billy1966 · 26/05/2022 12:13

A cake that gives 60 people a slice is a very big cake.

Have you checked how much it would cost to buy a similar cake.

I would do that.

I doubt you would get anything that size for £30.

BackToTheTop · 26/05/2022 12:13

Wow £60 for ingredients? Does it have a gold flakes filling?

Discovereads · 26/05/2022 12:14

I don’t think it’s fair to combine the two like some sort of score keeping. As your financial situations could be very different.

It’s normal etiquette when you invite a DC’s friend on holiday that you pay for their transport, accommodation and food.

She said she’d not charge you for her time as a thank you. And , I honestly don’t think she is charging you for her time, as a professionally made cake for 60 people will be wedding cake sized…as in a very large cake and would definitely cost more than £60. So £1 per person for a slice of cake sounds really cheap to me.

MadeForThis · 26/05/2022 12:16

I would say ingredients for a cake that big could come to £60

RoyKentsChestHair · 26/05/2022 12:17

A cake big enough to feed 60 people will need at least £10 worth of butter alone, probably another £6 for icing sugar, £6 for the eggs, a cake board and box will be £5 and that’s before you add in a bottle of vanilla extract £5, any extra flavours you want and a £5 happy birthday topper for example. I make cakes a lot and I can easily see how it’s ended up at £60 just for fresh ingredients. The cake will be huge to feed 60 people.

I agree that she shouldn’t be charging you if you’re paying for her DD to come on holiday, but if you’ve agreed to pay ingredients then you need to understand just how much baking costs!

DuvetHugger · 26/05/2022 12:17

I think the holiday is irrelevant. I am assuming the daughter was invited away with you?

She could be facing money struggles. Just because you invited the daughter on holiday - presumably to keep your own child company, it doesn't mean she now owes you indefinitely.

RoyKentsChestHair · 26/05/2022 12:18

The flour and sugar are the cheapest and if she already has them in then it won’t save her a lot. I’m always amazed at just how much butter you need to make a decent quantity of butter icing (in fact i revise my £10 estimate as it’s gone up a lot lately!)

PaddingtonBearStareAgain · 26/05/2022 12:19

BackToTheTop · 26/05/2022 12:13

Wow £60 for ingredients? Does it have a gold flakes filling?

A cake for 60 people would need to be big so yes I can see it costing that much with decorations etc.

Wallywobbles · 26/05/2022 12:19

A cake and a cake for 60 aren't one and the same.

Useranon1 · 26/05/2022 12:22

I was on your side till you said it's for 60 people! So she has to make about 8 normal sized cakes, of course it's going to cost more in ingredients than she has in her cupboard!

However, if you're uncomfortable with the balance then just make sure she covers more of the holiday now.

HangOnToYourself · 26/05/2022 12:25

I'm in 2 minds as you are obviously doing a nice thing for her daughter but she (presumably) didnt ask for her daughter to be taken so in a way you have potentially increased her costs because now she needs to find spending money for her daughter that she hadnt budgeted for. I think you have to take the holiday out of the equation and consider if you think £60 is a fair cost in it's own right (if it's a large and elaborate cake then it may well be a fair cost)

arethereanyleftatall · 26/05/2022 12:29

We need numbers and one more fact please!

  1. How much has her dd added to the cost of your trip?
  2. How much would such a cake cost?
  3. Is the dds invite actually to help you out? Ie company for your child or something?
ChatterMonkey · 26/05/2022 12:40

Well how much extra has taking her daughter away with you cost you? I imagine no accommodation costs as she will be sharing a room with your dd?

How much are the flights, not booked through free child places or similar? What is your honest motivation to taking her with you? Is it so theres someone to entertain your dd, or is it to do a nice thing for her dd?

A cake for 60 is massive and costs money. What sort of cake have you asked for? Is it something fancy/specific/highly decorated? Things like rainbow cakes etc cost a lot in ingredients and time, as decent vibrant colouring isn't cheap.

catscatscatseverywhere · 26/05/2022 12:40

She shouldn't have said it's free. Bday cake for 60 people is a lot of work and it's expensive. I had less people at my wedding. Should have told you straightaway how much it's going to cost. YANBU.

WizardOfAus · 26/05/2022 12:41

A cake for SIXTY people?!?!

Discovereads · 26/05/2022 12:45

catscatscatseverywhere · 26/05/2022 12:40

She shouldn't have said it's free. Bday cake for 60 people is a lot of work and it's expensive. I had less people at my wedding. Should have told you straightaway how much it's going to cost. YANBU.

She didn’t say it was a free cake, she said her time was free.

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