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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be bit pissed off with this?

105 replies

BowieLover · 26/05/2022 11:44

Hi
Asked a very good friend of ours to make a birthday cake for our granddaughter.She said yea that's fine&asked what we wanted etc.I said to let me know how much she wanted for it.
We are taking her daughter on holiday with us in August when we go to Crete.Weve told her she doesn't need anything other than her spending money &passport.We will pay for everything else.
She initially said she wouldn't charge us for her time or anything she's already got in her cupboards at home,as she makes quite alot of cakes for people.So wasn't expecting it to be much more than 20/30 quid.Today she's said to my partner when she saw him is £60 ok? When dp told me I was quite taken aback&just a little pissed off after shed already said all that to me!
I'm not gonna fall out with her over it or anything as we've been good friends for a long time but I do feel a bit put out about it.Dp says I shouldn't worry about it&we'll just pay her regardless.So is it just me?

OP posts:
Original poster
BowieLover · 26/05/2022 15:22

My DD is 13.The grandchild is mine.

OP posts:
diddl · 26/05/2022 15:26

BowieLover · 26/05/2022 15:10

I've just answered most of what you've asked in the post above yrs diddl
They already have a passport

Yes, sorry-didn't see your post before I posted-must have forgotten to refresh.

Arbeity · 26/05/2022 15:28

Happyplace88 · 26/05/2022 15:16

I wouldn’t have charged you a penny, and would have been happy to cover the costs of the ingredients. I think she’s really cheeky, considering you’re laying for a foreign holiday for her daughter. I’d tell her to leave it, you can pick up a lovely cake in M&S for less than twenty quid.

Not for 60 people you can't.

diddl · 26/05/2022 15:30

Happyplace88 · 26/05/2022 15:16

I wouldn’t have charged you a penny, and would have been happy to cover the costs of the ingredients. I think she’s really cheeky, considering you’re laying for a foreign holiday for her daughter. I’d tell her to leave it, you can pick up a lovely cake in M&S for less than twenty quid.

I don't think that she's cheeky-Op asked her to tell her how much & she has.

Unfortunately it's more than Op was thinking it would be.

In some ways the holiday is a red herring as pps have said.

It is perhaps helpful to Op that her daughter will have a friend & also that they have been able to fill the place of someone who has dropped out.

Vikinga · 26/05/2022 15:41

Well you were basically asking her to do it for free. I've baked a lot of cakes and ingredients and decorations alone costs a lot of money and then there is the time. It is for 60 people.

Some people are like that. I did a whole website for a friend a few years ago and then she charged me for a class she did. Only £5 but I literally saved her £2.5k at least (all the quotes she had been given started from £2.5k). I'm still friends with her but when she asked me for help setting up a mailer I told her my fees.

However, I would ask her to supply you with spending money for her daughter, for restaurants etc - that'll soon tally up.

PurpleDaisies · 26/05/2022 15:42

She is not a professional cake maker,it's just something she does for close family&friends but she's very good at it.

So she’s probably got lots of friends and family expecting free/very cheap fancy cakes for every special occasion. It gets very frustrating.

IrisVersicolor · 26/05/2022 15:45

Arbeity · 26/05/2022 15:28

Not for 60 people you can't.

Show quote history

You can pick up cakes in Waitrose for 18-20 people @ £22 each. So 3 of those would be £60.

coffeecupsandfairylights · 26/05/2022 15:47

YABU.

You offered to take her daughter on holiday and to cover the costs. That was your choice and so it shouldn't have anything to do with her making you a birthday cake. They're two separate incidents.

I also very much doubt she has the ingredients to make a birthday cake for 60 people just sitting in her cupboards - that's a lot of eggs, butter, flour and icing and it won't be cheap. You should be paying her for her time and the cost of ingredients - £60 is an absolute bargain for what you're getting.

If you wanted her to contribute to the holiday you shouldn't have offered to pay for everything upfront. You can't now get pissy because she wants charging for her time/efforts when you volunteered to give her daughter a free holiday!

cherrymax · 26/05/2022 15:51

I made a cake for a party a while back and I think the ingredients came to about £40 including icing, colouring etc and that was for a much smaller cake.

So I don't think 60 is too much at all.

I also think it's a separate issue to the holiday. Maybe she doesn't have £60 to spend on ingredients at the moment.

Thesearmsofmine · 26/05/2022 15:53

The holiday is separate thing. Her daughter coming is doing you a favour as she will keep your dd happy.

You asked her to make a cake, a cake for 60 people requires a lot of ingredients(and possibly energy) which she is charging you for, she isn’t charging for her time. Maybe she can’t afford to provide the ingredients?

catfunk · 26/05/2022 15:54

I thought YANBU until I saw it was for 60 people.

Original poster
BowieLover · 26/05/2022 16:15

I've already said I won't be&wouldn't ask her to contribute anymore to the holiday than spending money &passport.
I've also already said she is better off money wise than we are so that isn't an issue of not being able to afford the ingredients.
Thanks for all yr replies.

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 26/05/2022 16:22

So wasn't expecting it to be much more than 20/30 quid.

This is an argument in favour of being clear and upfront when you enter into an agreement with someone.

Imaging how it would all have been different if you had asked 'what shall we expect it to cost'? Or even 'what sort of cake would £20/£30 get us from you'? Or even 'please let us know what it will cost before you go ahead and bake it'

I've heard good things about cakes from Costco. I happen to know something about their prices because some have been ordered for our Jubilee party

Fresh Summer fruit cake or Chocolate Tiramisu cake £12.99, each cake serves12

There would be very little change from £65 but you would know that cost in advance.

Gizacluethen · 26/05/2022 16:28

It sounds like a simple cake and not 60 quid worth of ingredients so I'd definitely say she's charging for her time. It's cheap for a professional cake but if she's said she's only going to ask you to reimburse specialist ingredients then she hasn't followed this. I think she's been a bit shitty and tbh I'd reply "oh wow. Weren't expecting it to be that much tbh I don't think we can afford that." If she's a close friend it shouldn't be worth hard feeling just be honest.

GraceandMolly · 26/05/2022 16:36

I think you should have said that it’s for 60 people in your original post. That’s a huge cake.
Im on fence with this one.

SniffMyWhiffyQuiffy · 26/05/2022 16:45

How much did you expect to pay just out of interest? Glad you are going to pay it as the two things are completely unrelated
You made the decision on both counts

Finalcountdowntoourtripaway · 26/05/2022 16:48

Ime no good comes from taking a dc on holiday that isn't your dc..

coffeecupsandfairylights · 26/05/2022 16:53

I've also already said she is better off money wise than we are so that isn't an issue of not being able to afford the ingredients.

It doesn't matter - she still shouldn't have to be out of pocket.

You're clearly pissed off because you see the holiday and the cake as being linked - but they're two separate events. You chose to invite her daughter and to cover costs - that's no you. She's under no obligation to pay for a birthday cake in return.

ButtockUp · 26/05/2022 16:54

She knew haw big the cake was going to be.
She said she'd got most of the stuff needed.
She said she wasn't going to charge for her time.

£60 is cheeky, particularly as you're taking her daughter on an all expenses paid holiday.

Trouble is, I'm not sure how you'd go about challenging it.

Probably, put it down to experience.
Don't ask her to make a cake again.
Don't take her daughter away again.

Merryclaire · 26/05/2022 17:00

ButtockUp · 26/05/2022 16:54

She knew haw big the cake was going to be.
She said she'd got most of the stuff needed.
She said she wasn't going to charge for her time.

£60 is cheeky, particularly as you're taking her daughter on an all expenses paid holiday.

Trouble is, I'm not sure how you'd go about challenging it.

Probably, put it down to experience.
Don't ask her to make a cake again.
Don't take her daughter away again.

Agreed - we all have friends that are a bit funny with money. Best just to accept it’s who they are, pay up this time to keep the peace, and avoid anything money-related with them in future.

TheOrigRights · 26/05/2022 17:37

BowieLover · 26/05/2022 15:22

My DD is 13.The grandchild is mine.

Is this a riddle?
You say your DD is an only child.
You say the granddaughter is yours.

It is unlikely your GD is your DD's daughter.

Do you mean your DD would be the only child I.e you have an older child (parent of granddaughter?) or there is a step situation but you regard both DD and GD as yours?

Not being goody am just curious and overly invested

TheWitchersWife · 26/05/2022 17:55

Did you tell her what you wanted before or after she told you she just had bits lying around and would basically be free?

I'm just imagining crossed wires if it went like:
"Oh, I'd like a cake making, what should I pay you?"
Your friend replied "Oh, no, don't worry about it, I have some few bits lying around."
And then you said "it needs to feed 60 people, chocolate sponge with buttercream, pink drip and white and pink stars all over."

It's pretty specific cake involving pink and white star decorations and pink drip, she probably wasn't going to have them as staples in her cupboard.

diddl · 26/05/2022 17:58

I can't imagine asking someone to bake a cake for 60 people & then not even supplying the board & ingredients tbh.

Original poster
BowieLover · 26/05/2022 18:03

Why do u say that final countdown?
Sorry yes I have 2 other adult DDS.The eldest of which has 2 DDS herself.
13 yr old DD came along 19 yrs after my second.
Yes I shared pics to her on messenger of 2 or 3 cake ideas that my eldest DD wanted&she went from there.

OP posts:
Original poster
BowieLover · 26/05/2022 18:05

Diddl I've never known anyone or myself ever ordering a cake from someone&being asked to provide the ingredients &cake board tbh.

OP posts:
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