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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be bit pissed off with this?

105 replies

BowieLover · 26/05/2022 11:44

Hi
Asked a very good friend of ours to make a birthday cake for our granddaughter.She said yea that's fine&asked what we wanted etc.I said to let me know how much she wanted for it.
We are taking her daughter on holiday with us in August when we go to Crete.Weve told her she doesn't need anything other than her spending money &passport.We will pay for everything else.
She initially said she wouldn't charge us for her time or anything she's already got in her cupboards at home,as she makes quite alot of cakes for people.So wasn't expecting it to be much more than 20/30 quid.Today she's said to my partner when she saw him is £60 ok? When dp told me I was quite taken aback&just a little pissed off after shed already said all that to me!
I'm not gonna fall out with her over it or anything as we've been good friends for a long time but I do feel a bit put out about it.Dp says I shouldn't worry about it&we'll just pay her regardless.So is it just me?

OP posts:
billy1966 · 26/05/2022 12:48

Wallywobbles · 26/05/2022 12:19

A cake and a cake for 60 aren't one and the same.

Exactly.

I bake and I think a cake for 60 people must be huge and a heck of a lot of work.

The conflating it with the holiday is the issue.

ermagerdabear · 26/05/2022 12:50

I was agreeing with you until you said it was for 60 people. I actually think you're the one taking the piss a bit.

The holiday is a separate issue and I'd need more info on that. Why is her daughter going away with you? How much extra has it cost you to take her?

Onlyhuman123 · 26/05/2022 12:51

Ask her for an itemised bill of the individual items she has had to purchase (i.e. that weren't in her cupboard). She's not charging for her time but she should provide details of what the electricity would cost for cooking the cake and each item she had to purchase. CF!!!

Merryclaire · 26/05/2022 12:52

If you are spending a lot on taking her daughter on holiday then I can understand your logic. If it were me I’d want to make the cake for free as a thank you.

However, they are two different things and she might not be seeing it as tit for tat. She might even be thinking of returning the favour by taking DGC away at some point, in which case it’s completely separate.

In any case, if you want to maintain the friendship then I wouldn’t say anything. But I’d expect the cake to be bloody amazing!

PurpleDaisies · 26/05/2022 12:52

People seriously have no clue about the time and cost involved with making cakes. You are totally out of order.

WizardOfAus · 26/05/2022 12:58

Onlyhuman123 · 26/05/2022 12:51

Ask her for an itemised bill of the individual items she has had to purchase (i.e. that weren't in her cupboard). She's not charging for her time but she should provide details of what the electricity would cost for cooking the cake and each item she had to purchase. CF!!!

Are you serious? You would want her to provide an 'itemised bill' showing what electricity she's used to cook a cake for 60?

gobbynorthernbird · 26/05/2022 13:00

Why are you taking her DC away? Is it actually helpful to you? We often took one of my DD friends on holiday with us as DD was an only child so it meant she had company (and we got a break).

Bobbins36 · 26/05/2022 13:03

gobbynorthernbird · 26/05/2022 13:00

Why are you taking her DC away? Is it actually helpful to you? We often took one of my DD friends on holiday with us as DD was an only child so it meant she had company (and we got a break).

💯 this!

PurpleDaisies · 26/05/2022 13:03

She initially said she wouldn't charge us for her time or anything she's already got in her cupboards at home,as she makes quite alot of cakes for people.

I would take this to mean equipment and things like colouring for icing that you only need a tiny bit of, grease proof paper or cake cases that have been hanging around etc. Eggs, flour, butter, sugar etc will all need replacing or buying in. Icing can work out pretty expensive.

donquixotedelamancha · 26/05/2022 13:03

It was for 60 people all told

That's a pretty huge drip feed. At that price she's only charging you minimally for ingredients and will be working on it for hours free of charge.

SunnyShiner · 26/05/2022 13:05

I think that's a bit much and would say you've spent all your money on her kids holiday Cake

donquixotedelamancha · 26/05/2022 13:06

Ask her for an itemised bill of the individual items she has had to purchase (i.e. that weren't in her cupboard). She's not charging for her time but she should provide details of what the electricity would cost for cooking the cake and each item she had to purchase. CF!!!

Are you insane? No don't say that to someone baking a 60 person cake for free. Trust me - £60 is not that much for ingredients if it's a fancy cake.

PurpleDaisies · 26/05/2022 13:06

SunnyShiner · 26/05/2022 13:05

I think that's a bit much and would say you've spent all your money on her kids holiday Cake

How much do you think a cake for 60 should cost?

catscatscatseverywhere · 26/05/2022 13:07

Discovereads · 26/05/2022 12:45

She didn’t say it was a free cake, she said her time was free.

Show quote history

"She initially said she wouldn't charge us for her time or anything she's already got in her cupboards at home,as she makes quite alot of cakes for people."

You wouldn't expect 60 quid when you hear something as above. Should have been honest in the first place.

catscatscatseverywhere · 26/05/2022 13:09

To add, I agree that cake for 60 people is a lot of work, ingredients etc. I just think, I would say the price upfront if I was her.

PurpleDaisies · 26/05/2022 13:11

If she hadn’t started making it, it would be fair enough to say you’ve changed your mind.

Discovereads · 26/05/2022 13:15

catscatscatseverywhere · 26/05/2022 13:07

"She initially said she wouldn't charge us for her time or anything she's already got in her cupboards at home,as she makes quite alot of cakes for people."

You wouldn't expect 60 quid when you hear something as above. Should have been honest in the first place.

Show quote history

I don’t think you fully comprehend just how much flour, sugar, eggs, vanilla extract and butter are needed for a cake for 60 people. No one is going to have even10% of the ingredients already in their cupboards. And that is before we even get into icing and decorations. I think £60 is very cheap for a cake that size.

PorpoiseWithPurpose · 26/05/2022 13:15

Onlyhuman123 · 26/05/2022 12:51

Ask her for an itemised bill of the individual items she has had to purchase (i.e. that weren't in her cupboard). She's not charging for her time but she should provide details of what the electricity would cost for cooking the cake and each item she had to purchase. CF!!!

What horrendous advice. You sound like a nightmare client.

My good friends run a small bakery and they would certainly add a “twat tax” on your order.

Beenthere123 · 26/05/2022 13:15

This is awkward - conflating the two things. The holiday needs separating in your mind. The cake is different altogether. Ingredients are expensive, electricity is too! Takes ages to make a cake.

mixing pleasure and business is never a good idea !

MenaiMna · 26/05/2022 13:19

The board and box for a cake that size is £15-20 alone. So yes once she's added ingredients & decoration & time she's made a big investment on your behalf but it's not great that she's not considered how much you are fronting for the holiday. Yet another example of how clear communication makes for good friendships - both ways. I've taken a friend on holiday for my only DD. I said "we'd like to invite your DD and they'll be sharing this room which cost me this much what a good deal, we are going low budget on restaurants so let me know what they don't eat so I can choose somewhere we can all eat at; your DD will just need spending money" so they knew what we were investing and a guide to what they should send along. It was a very successful trip with no embarrassment money wise.

Knittingchamp · 26/05/2022 13:29

Did you ask for a 60-person sized cake? £60 for a cake made that big would be a major bargain and require a lot of skill to make it well. Presumably it's for a big occasion too so it'd have to be a great standard.

That'd cost her loads in ingredients and take her hours to make. She's doing you a really big favour. Clearly she's giving her time for free and then charging way way under the going rate for a cake even after that.

Tbh I think it'd be a bit mean of you to expect all of this for free anyway, it'd be taking advantage.

Apologies if I misunderstood the 60 person part!

IrisVersicolor · 26/05/2022 13:32

A professional 12 slice cake round here (London) is £60. A semi-professional one is £30.

60 slices = 12 x 5.

5 x £30 = £150.

So she’s charged you less than half all in.

catscatscatseverywhere · 26/05/2022 13:33

Discovereads · 26/05/2022 13:15

I don’t think you fully comprehend just how much flour, sugar, eggs, vanilla extract and butter are needed for a cake for 60 people. No one is going to have even10% of the ingredients already in their cupboards. And that is before we even get into icing and decorations. I think £60 is very cheap for a cake that size.

Show quote history

Maybe you're right. I never baked a cake for 60 people. In this case, if I was the person baking the cake, I would give even higher price, upfront. To avoid situation like OP's who was expecting 20-30 quids. This is exactly why I hate favours :|

Giraffesandbottoms · 26/05/2022 13:36

I have spent 495£ on a cake for 60
people for a party this summer, so 60£ seems pretty reasonable to me!

re the holiday I suppose I would want to understand the actual cost involved for you/if she had offered to pay etc etc. maybe it would be nice for her to do it for free but 60£ vs 495£ (but this is London) seems pretty reasonable

MarinoRoyale · 26/05/2022 13:37

I’d think you’re a bit cheeky offering to take her daughter on holiday, which I’ve assumed was your idea, told her you were paying (bar passport and spending money) and now are effectively charging her the cost of a cake as a contribution to the holiday you told her was free.

You need to seperate the 2 situations, you’ve linked them when she probably hasn’t.