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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be bit pissed off with this?

105 replies

BowieLover · 26/05/2022 11:44

Hi
Asked a very good friend of ours to make a birthday cake for our granddaughter.She said yea that's fine&asked what we wanted etc.I said to let me know how much she wanted for it.
We are taking her daughter on holiday with us in August when we go to Crete.Weve told her she doesn't need anything other than her spending money &passport.We will pay for everything else.
She initially said she wouldn't charge us for her time or anything she's already got in her cupboards at home,as she makes quite alot of cakes for people.So wasn't expecting it to be much more than 20/30 quid.Today she's said to my partner when she saw him is £60 ok? When dp told me I was quite taken aback&just a little pissed off after shed already said all that to me!
I'm not gonna fall out with her over it or anything as we've been good friends for a long time but I do feel a bit put out about it.Dp says I shouldn't worry about it&we'll just pay her regardless.So is it just me?

OP posts:
HappyToSmile · 26/05/2022 13:42

A cake that feeds 60 is really not a small cake!! Icing alone is a fortune. How much were you thinking it would cost (if you weren't taking her daughter away)?

Giraffesandbottoms · 26/05/2022 13:43

Sorry just double checked it’s actually 430£ but you get the point

Cas112 · 26/05/2022 13:50

For 60 people it definitely makes sense.

tiredmumof4teenagers · 26/05/2022 13:51

In 2019 I made two huge cakes each feeding 60 and the raw cost of ingredients was around £20 for the coffee and walnut cake and £25 for the chocolate cake. You buy in bulk for big cakes so it's not supermarket prices.

Even at supermarket prices today you are talking 1.5kg of sugar, (93p) stork margarine £4.50, flour (70p) , 20 eggs (£2) 1 kilo chocolate (£5) , cocoa powder £1.80, 2Kg icing sugar (£2.55), 1kg further of margarine (£2.90) making a total of £20.38

I would expect there to be a cost for the base (£3), and a cost for electricity, probably around £1.
But if she had ingredients in and was supplementing them the £15-20 would be fair.

In the light of you giving her daughter a holiday I think free would have been more appropriate.

Mally100 · 26/05/2022 13:57

Ok I was agreeing with you until you said it's for 60 people. That is alot to cater for.

neverbeenskiing · 26/05/2022 14:01

Have any of the posters saying she should have given OP a freebie as a "thank you" considered that she may simply not be able to afford to do this? A cake for 60 people is huge! Of course ingredients alone (particularly when you factor in the cake board and decs) can easily come to £60! She's already being generous by not charging OP for her time, which must be several hours of work, but maybe she can't afford to make a loss. Unless she asked OP to take her DD on holiday then she's not a CF at all. But (unless there's another big dripfeed coming) presumably OP offered to take her, in which case she has no right to be pissed off that a cake she would normally expect to pay hundreds for is only costing £60.

Discovereads · 26/05/2022 14:05

neverbeenskiing · 26/05/2022 14:01

Have any of the posters saying she should have given OP a freebie as a "thank you" considered that she may simply not be able to afford to do this? A cake for 60 people is huge! Of course ingredients alone (particularly when you factor in the cake board and decs) can easily come to £60! She's already being generous by not charging OP for her time, which must be several hours of work, but maybe she can't afford to make a loss. Unless she asked OP to take her DD on holiday then she's not a CF at all. But (unless there's another big dripfeed coming) presumably OP offered to take her, in which case she has no right to be pissed off that a cake she would normally expect to pay hundreds for is only costing £60.

I agree. I don’t like the holiday being used to justify a freebie because their financial situations are likely very different. It’s also strange to me to have a “good friend” and keep score in such a way as to feel you are owed something.

heavyistheheed · 26/05/2022 14:08

60£ for a cake to feed 60 people?!

I'd be over the moon!

And as a PP mentioned, quite often taking an extra child away is actually helpful for you.

If you're not happy - go get a quote from someone else, you'd be looking at 200£ MINIMUM depending on your area

Bournetilly · 26/05/2022 14:09

YABU because of the size of the cake.
If it was a smaller cake then I agree she shouldn’t of charged you that much but the ingredients are expensive.
Im paying £90 for a cake for 20 people for my daughters birthday, I paid £550 for a cake for 60 people when we got married (I know wedding cakes are generally more expensive but still). I think she must be giving you a huge discount for what she is making, I’d expect a cake for 60 to be multiple tiers.

Bournetilly · 26/05/2022 14:11

Also I don’t really think you should compare the holiday to the cake, it was your choice to take her granddaughter away covering all the costs apart from spending money. You didn’t have to do this.

Readtheroom · 26/05/2022 14:14

How do you even make a cake for 60 people

Readtheroom · 26/05/2022 14:15

tiredmumof4teenagers · 26/05/2022 13:51

In 2019 I made two huge cakes each feeding 60 and the raw cost of ingredients was around £20 for the coffee and walnut cake and £25 for the chocolate cake. You buy in bulk for big cakes so it's not supermarket prices.

Even at supermarket prices today you are talking 1.5kg of sugar, (93p) stork margarine £4.50, flour (70p) , 20 eggs (£2) 1 kilo chocolate (£5) , cocoa powder £1.80, 2Kg icing sugar (£2.55), 1kg further of margarine (£2.90) making a total of £20.38

I would expect there to be a cost for the base (£3), and a cost for electricity, probably around £1.
But if she had ingredients in and was supplementing them the £15-20 would be fair.

In the light of you giving her daughter a holiday I think free would have been more appropriate.

Where are you getting 20 eggs for £2? A box of six costs £2.50

Penguinsaregreat · 26/05/2022 14:15

I think the 2 issues are separate.
It obviously benefits you to take her daughter on holiday. Is she their time keep your daughter/granddaughter company?
Otherwise why invite here.
As for the cake it costs a fortune to bake bespoke cakes.
Im presuming it’s bespoke so will take hours and hours to make. Otherwise go to Aldi and buy several of their pre done cakes. They cost about £4.99 and feed lots of people so 5 would be more than enough.

Whooshaagh · 26/05/2022 14:16

Imo you’ve got a bargain. I’m assuming your df is a skilled baker.
The holiday has got nothing to do with the cake. If you’re taking her dd on holiday then you invited her your df didn’t ask you. It’s a separate arrangement.

ZenNudist · 26/05/2022 14:20

That's a massive cake. I think if I were her I'd suck up £60 costs as a thank you.

You won't get it cheaper done professionally.

If you are going to be resentful don't take her daughter on holiday. Better at least ask for food and drink costs and any attraction entry costs. £600 should cover it. That's spending money.

Aprilx · 26/05/2022 14:22

I have to amend my earlier post, I had missed the bit about the cake being for 60 people. In this case, I sort of think it swings the other way in that she has really been extremely generous with her time and effort.

Presumably she didn’t ask you to take her daughter on holiday as a favour and it was actually you that asked because you thought it would make your holiday work better.

IRunbecauseILikeCake · 26/05/2022 14:23

I think it would have been nice for her to do for you as you're giving her DD a holiday.
However, for a big cake I could well see it costing £60 for ingredients. Even for things like barbecues (which I would always think is a cheap way to do lots of food) we definitely spend more now getting the bits in. The cost of everything has gone up.

friendlycat · 26/05/2022 14:30

I also have to agree that a cake for 60 professionally made (perhaps for Christening is it?) will cost a considerable amount in terms of ingredients, box, cake base etc. I think she’s doing it at cost of ingredients.

Actually it’s a bargain really.

Best not to muddle the cake and holiday together.

TheOrigRights · 26/05/2022 14:32

The holiday is irrelevant. I presume it was an unconditional offer (though as friends I can totally see that it is not unreasonable of you to think it would have been an ideal thank you gesture).

I think your mistake has been in your expectation. A cake for 60 people is massive. I think you assumed when she said she'd use what was already in her cupboard that she wouldn't need to buy much else. This has clearly not been the case, and if it's elaborately decorated then it will add up.

I think in our heads we'd imagine 'yeah...a tenner, 15 max for the extras', but most of are not professional cake bakers.

TheOrigRights · 26/05/2022 14:33

Readtheroom · 26/05/2022 14:14

How do you even make a cake for 60 people

In tiers or tears in my case

Original poster
BowieLover · 26/05/2022 14:52

Thanks for all yr replies.
The cake is a choc one with butter cream filling&pink drip Dec on top with pink&white stars.
It's a birthday cake.
We asked her dd on holiday with us as our other friend&her family that were going to come,have now had to pull out.So as DD is an only child,we thought it'd be nice company for her.We wouldn't&are not ever going to ask her to pay towards the holiday other than what I've already said.
Their money situation is better than ours.They both have very good jobs.She is not a professional cake maker,it's just something she does for close family&friends but she's very good at it.
I suppose I'm miffed because if it had been the other way round,I would have either charged her £20-30 or done it for free.
Maybe it's just what was in my mind I guess&didn't actually think about the effort that will go into it.We will pay it regardless but just wondered what others thought.

OP posts:
diddl · 26/05/2022 14:56

So the holiday is costing her spending money plus maybe the price of a passport!

As a pp has asked-what is your motivation for taking her daughter?

Is the cake iced or decorated in any way?

60 sounds a good price tbh.

Maybe she didn't have much in her cupboards or decided that she would charge for her time.

Anyway, you asked her to tell you how much she wanted & she has done-seems fair enough!

Original poster
BowieLover · 26/05/2022 15:10

I've just answered most of what you've asked in the post above yrs diddl
They already have a passport

OP posts:
Happyplace88 · 26/05/2022 15:16

I wouldn’t have charged you a penny, and would have been happy to cover the costs of the ingredients. I think she’s really cheeky, considering you’re laying for a foreign holiday for her daughter. I’d tell her to leave it, you can pick up a lovely cake in M&S for less than twenty quid.

TheOrigRights · 26/05/2022 15:19

This isn't the issue, but it sounds like your DD is quite young (you talk about the friend being company for your only child). Whose is the grandchild?