I’m 33 and I’ve never had a smear test

[Spacehopp]

I’ve got a 3 year old son, but I had a c-section with him that I chose to have as I’m so scared of things being put inside me (I don’t mean a penis obviously, but ‘instruments’)

I refused all internal examinations while I was pregnant too.

So apart from sex and my mooncup I use every month when I’m on my period, I’ve not had anything put inside me or had a medical professional’s fingers etc in there.
The thought makes me feel physically ill.

I keep getting letters about the smear and just throwing them in the bin. I feel embarrassed about it. But I also think if men had to go through this kind of invasive procedure, they would have come up with something else by now.

I've had one, at 36yo, during my two-week post-birth check up. The speculum slid out and fell on the floor!

DC now 10yo and I haven't had another.

Birth was traumatic and evasive.

Don't get bullied into having one, but go for one if/when you feel you're ready. I'm still not ready.💐

Neither have I and I’m the same age.

Men have their own invasive procedure of fingers up their anus when they have their prostate checked. They also have the same colonoscopies that women have. As much as I'm a feminist and I believe women's healthcare is shocking, this particular example isn't rooted in sexism.

Please go and have your smear test. It takes seconds, it really does, and it's only you and a nurse, who is well practiced in doing them.

I was you! I'm 31 and only had my first smear last year after ignoring letters for ages. I feel like nothing I can say will make you suddenly feel comfortable to go and I know that people shouting "JUST DO IT FFS!!" didn't help me.
The first step I made was speaking to the nurse at my surgery and explaining just how scared I was. She really took the time to listen to me and explained the whole process down to the smallest detail. Then we booked an appointment and on the day I was still really really nervous but she was prepared for that. It wasn't horrendous! It wasn't fun, I found it slightly uncomfortable but I wouldn't say painful.

I do think men have it handy usually, but they also get swaps up their penis for tests so it’s not all plain sailing for them either.

It sounds like a tough situation. Could you get therapy or speak to the GP about your fears so they can help you through the process? I can’t relate really as I just see it as a medical procedure and it doesn’t bother me. But i do think smears are important. And that it is important to get checked.

I'm sorry this is causing you so much anxiety. Could you perhaps try and talk to your GP or practice nurse about how you're feeling, in an appointment where you know no smear will take place, they might be able to help you or make some suggestions on how to move forward?

i get this is very stressful for you but you are neglecting your health by doing this. Internal exams, ultrasounds etc are very strange obviously, but the ends justify the means.

Can you get an HPV test? They are far less invasive and you can swab yourself at home. If you are HPV negative my PCT doesn’t check your smear for abnormal cells. You might not need one.

You could ask about doing a home hpv test? They were doing a trial last year in the UK www.england.nhs.uk/2021/02/nhs-gives-women-hpv-home-testing-kits-to-cut-cancer-deaths/
You would need to put a swab into your vagina but you could do it yourself at home. If you’re fine with inserting a mooncup you might be fine with this too.
If the test came back positive you would need to consider having some further medical screening but if it came back negative it would reassure you about your cervical cancer risk without needing a medical professional to insert any instruments.

I understand your fear as it’s not the most pleasant experience however the benefit of having one far outweighs the fear and temporary discomfort in my opinion. Could you maybe discuss your worries with your GP?

At the end of the day though it’s your decision and you need do what’s right for you.

But I also think if men had to go through this kind of invasive procedure, they would have come up with something else by now

Smear tests have nothing to do with sexism - men have prostate exams which are uncomfortable.
They do the test this way because it's the most effective way and it takes seconds, that's why they haven't came up with another way, not because it's women having it. There's no way for them to check the cells in the cervix without them taking a sample.

You have the right to refuse it though, you don't have to do have any medical procedure done that you're not comfortable with. They are so important but knowing that doesn't change that anxiety that's preventing you. It could be worth speaking to a Doctor and explaining your worries etc but at the end of the day, only you can decide whether to have it done or not

They're really really not as bad as you think. Honestly.

Make an appointment with the nurse and talk about it and your fears.No fingers or hands go up there, it's much much less invasive than an internal.

It's so important and surely you owe it to your son to take every opportunity to stay well.

I lost a friend who 44 years old to cervical cancer. She'd never had a smear.

You are not being unreasonable at all. I’m genuinely terrified by the idea, and the matter of fact way other say “just go” makes me more frightened as I am sure a nurse won’t take my fears seriously.
home testing kits are available, I don’t know why the NHS do not promote these or make them available for women who will not go for a traditional test

I had mine a couple of months ago. I find them horrible but it is better than worrying about cervical cancer..The nurse was nice and did the best she could. I treated myself to lunch out later.

Be good if you could get one done but if you can't you can't. I hate going and can't wait for it to be over. Are you hoping MN can change your mind?
I don't really see the point of comparing it to men but as a PP said they have to have a finger up their backside which isn't fun.

What’s the plan then OP… just ignore the letters forever? Hope that everything remains OK? I’m not sure what might motivate you but you need to take a step to overcoming your fear… contact your surgery and ask to speak to the nurse ( assuming the nurses complete the smears). Perhaps they have a strategy for helping. Perhaps hypnotherapy would help… I don’t know I’m guessing but the change needs to come from you. People will help if you ask.

Like others I see that it's a health check, a not especially pleasant one but it only takes minutes and then it's done for a few years. I rather get checked out and hopefully detect anything at an early stage than leave it too late. I know several women that have had abnormal results come back and had to go for further tests though thankfully none of them had cancerous cells. I've always found the nurses to be really friendly and sympathetic (especially after a traumatic birth that left me sobbing at the nurse for 20 minutes before my smear test).

I keep getting letters about the smear and just throwing them in the bin. I feel embarrassed about it. But I also think if men had to go through this kind of invasive procedure, they would have come up with something else by now.

Do you mean you’re embarrassed about the fact you throw the letters away, or you’re embarrassed about having the smear? If it’s the latter then definitely don’t be! If it’s the former then I wouldn’t be embarrassed (it’s your body, you can decide to have or not have whatever medical procedure you want) but I really would at least try. I’m guessing you haven’t had the HPV vaccine, which would greatly reduce your risk of cervical cancer, so it is important. You can ask for a woman to do it (at my doctor’s surgery it is nurses who do it and they are all women, but I know at some places it’s the GPs) and have a chaperone present to hold your hand too.

I’ve had two smear tests and I’ve found them at worst mildly uncomfortable. If we’re comparing them to what men have to go through I imagine they are a bit worse than a prostate exam but far preferable to a penis swab!

One of my biggest problems is having a stranger do it. If I don't know the nurse I feel very anxious about having it done. Could you chat to your nurse first to get used to her and the procedure before booking it?

A technique my midwife taught me was to hum through it. Deep humming, any tune you want. Sounds completely bizarre but I didn't feel a thing last time.

Please go and have your smear tests as awful as they are, they can save your life. I know, my last smear picked up irregular cells, these turned out to be stage 3 squamous cancer cells. I have been through full radical hysterectomy. 5 runs of chemo, 26 rounds of radiotherapy and a brachytherapy (look that one up). Without my smear test this would have done been detected and the honest truth is that i would probably have died. But I'm hear to tell the tail!! 😀

Ok so they're embarrassing and sometimes uncomfortable. No one actually enjoys them.

But if you're old enough to have sex, you're mature enough to suck it up and go for a smear. In the nicest possible way, you need to get on with it.

Or risk the consequences.

I put my off and ignored it until my DS was 1 and I was 29….. my docs surgery kept ringing about it and thankfully I just sucked it up went for it.
thank god I did… CIN 3 , two large bits of my cervix removed via lletz.
Had I left it later it would have turned to cervical cancer. I felt so foolish having never gone before.
Now I don’t even need a reminder to go for mine… honestly please just go for one.

I would say, much like going to the dentist, nobody actually enjoys it. We all do these things as they are the better option. Read Jade Goody's autobiography, it might help you make the right decision.

"But I also think if men had to go through this kind of invasive procedure, they would have come up with something else by now."

Stop being ridiculous.