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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I report this school mom?

165 replies

user65613468478 · 25/05/2022 15:55

Name changed for this and not really an AIBU but I need some advice.

I have noticed one of the school moms at DS's reception class has needle marks on her body. Without giving away information about myself I know that these marks are drug related. Her children are 1 and 5. Should I report it?

OP posts:
Notagain76 · 25/05/2022 16:00

If you have concerns for any child then yes report to ss or school safe guarding team, but make sure your 100% sure of the facts.

Furrbabymama87 · 25/05/2022 16:00

I wouldn't unless there were other factors to go off. They might not be needle marks or they could be old marks and she's had an addiction in the past but is now clean. I don't know much about it though.

orwellwasright · 25/05/2022 16:01

What the fuck am I reading? If you think the kids aren't being cared for, thdn talk to the school.

Otherwise stop staring at people's bodies. It's weird.

PicaK · 25/05/2022 16:02

Yes raise quietly with the designated safeguarding lead

GirlInACountrySong · 25/05/2022 16:02

What do you want to report?

GirlInACountrySong · 25/05/2022 16:03

The mothers needle marks

Or

Concerns you've seen regarding the children?

BattenburgDonkey · 25/05/2022 16:03

Mention it to the school so they can check now you’ve seen it, and then leave the poor woman alone. You have no need to be staring at peoples bodies so much that you can identify needle marks that are 100% drug related.

User3568975431146 · 25/05/2022 16:04

Absolutely not. It's none of your business!!!!

I'm sure the school are aware of any situation that they need to be aware of and if they're not it's because the child is doing well which he/she may well be.

The last thing this family need is a judgemental concerned parent getting involved in something that's nothing whatsoever to do with them!!!

CHiSOCG · 25/05/2022 16:04

She’s self harming? Or taking drugs? How do you know?

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 25/05/2022 16:05

@GirlInACountrySong

well obviously that the parent may be a drug addict!

I would report it, it’s good for the school to know

orwellwasright · 25/05/2022 16:05

How do you know that these marks are drug related? Do you pin up with her?

girlmom21 · 25/05/2022 16:05

How close are you getting that you can see needle marks? Are you sure that's what they are? Does she seem like she's on drugs?

Presumably you have a history of drug abuse but that doesn't mean her marks are the same as yours (admittedly I may have misinterpreted what you're hinting at).

She could be diabetic or need to inject for other reasons.

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 25/05/2022 16:06

@User3568975431146

I'm sure the school are aware of any situation that they need to be aware of and if they're not it's because the child is doing well which he/she may well

This is wrong on sooooo many levels!!!! Children can still ‘do well’ and appear totally ok when they are not!

Georgeskitchen · 25/05/2022 16:08

Are the children clean and well behaved? Do they look neglected? If she is a former user she may already be on the radar.
Maybe she has worked hard to get clean and trying to do her best for the kiddies. I would butt out tbh

RoonilWazlibb · 25/05/2022 16:08

Are they definitely fresh track marks? She could be a recovering addict and clean for years but the scars never healed.
What's her behaviour and demeanor like? Do the children look healthy and happy and cared for?

Elsiebear90 · 25/05/2022 16:11

If you think she’s an IVDU then yes report it, they may already be aware and providing support for her, but a lot of times people cover it up and their kids suffer.

Original poster
user65613468478 · 25/05/2022 16:12

Okay for those who say I was staring - I have known this person for over a year as went to DS's nursery and only noticed it the other day - I don't go to the school gate looking for these things...!

I know they are drug marks because of the industry I work in, because of this I know they are fresh marks.

I have never had any concerns over this woman as a mom, my first instinct was to leave it alone but I can't help thinking if something happens to the kids I would never forgive myself. Shocked at the judgement on here...but then this is MN.

OP posts:
RoonilWazlibb · 25/05/2022 16:14

My dh's inner arms were covered in bruises for months. He had cancer and was getting bloods taken every few days. I wonder if people were staring at him judging him for being a drug addict.
This mother might have some medical condition that means she needs injections of medicine (diabetes etc) or need regular bloods taken.

Jjnbftgkhfrvjudv · 25/05/2022 16:15

Honestly if it was me, I would mind my own business. I know I would be furious if someone had made this accusation toward me without asking me or talking to me first. Is there any other reason you think she’s on drugs?

BattenburgDonkey · 25/05/2022 16:16

How can you be shocked at the judgement when you are judging a woman based on marks on her arm when you’ve known her a year and had no concerns? But now you’ve spotted these marks once you are judging her enough to want to report her for being a druggy and bad mum. What a hypocrite.

BattenburgDonkey · 25/05/2022 16:17

And I get you can spot fresh needle marks but how can you spot what was in the needles? Do you also no every medical condition that requires regular injections, their locations and what they look like?

RoonilWazlibb · 25/05/2022 16:18

Shocked at the judgement on here

Oh dear.

pantsandpringles · 25/05/2022 16:18

Well if you are in the industry, you'll be well aware that nearly all iv drug users inject in the legs, groin, in between toes etc so it isn't noticed.

I've got needle marks on my arm right now, that have 2 inches of bruising around them. I'm not Injecting heroin - I just got some routine blood tests done the other day because of a health condition I have.

If you are concerned about the welfare of her children, then report. If not, don't. The disclosing of needle marks is almost irrelevant.

EgonSpengler2020 · 25/05/2022 16:19

YANBU
The whole point of the safeguarding system is that you raise the concerns you have and someone else with more knowledge of safeguarding and the family take it from there, and that is the end of your input and involvement in the situation.

So in this instance you inform the school, they may already know, and case will be closed, or they didn't know but have no other concerns about welfare so will just observe a little more closely, or they have concerns of their own and this report will just be a piece in the Jigsaw and they can provide support to the family and safeguard the children.

motogirl · 25/05/2022 16:20

There are legitimate reasons for needle marks. Have a discreet word with the safeguarding lead and raise your concerns but be aware that they will not let you know the outcome, you need at that point to trust the school