Should I report this school mom?

[user65613468478]

Name changed for this and not really an AIBU but I need some advice.

I have noticed one of the school moms at DS's reception class has needle marks on her body. Without giving away information about myself I know that these marks are drug related. Her children are 1 and 5. Should I report it?

I would hope she'd feel relieved that there wasn't a problem.

So a teacher or member of staff shouldn't raise a concern/report it do the DSP either?

After all the hassle is the same.

You absolutely should OP. Let’s say these marks are from a medical condition, oops, you made a mistake. Move on with your life. But, If they aren’t and the mother is an addict, these children can’t move on from it, they could potentially be stuck in a dangerous situation. Do you really want to risk that. Also, if it were your own kids would you do it? Report it, better safe than sorry, you can’t really find a downside to reporting it.

If you are concerned about the child then it is your duty to report. If there is nothing else on the child's file then it is extremely unlikely that any action will be taken. But if there is other stuff there then your report may form part of a jigsaw piece that contributes to a fuller picture.

What’s an example? Ask her? She could lie. Also, the safeguarding team is to tackle suspicions like that.

OP has no idea if the children are cared for. She has no idea if other concerns have been raised. She has no idea if the school are already monitoring the situation. She can't know if the kids are always at school on time,if they do their homework,if they ate that day, if they disclosed something to an adult in school, and many ,many other things.

She can't. She shouldn't.

So the best she can do she can report what she has observed to someone that can see the bigger picture or investigate further.

Impeccably dressed, clean,well fed and seemingly looked after children lived with an unstable,abusive drug dealer. Took way too long to actually put all the pieces together, and even longer for SS to intervene and eventually to have those kids removed.

If you see something in the children, or in the mother’s behaviour towards the children, that causes you to believe the child is at risk of harm, abuse, or neglect then you have an obligation to report it.

That’s very different from making an educated guess about what you see on the mother’s arms where you have no cause to be concerned about the children. Don’t be that person who makes a judgement about someone and turns their life upside down because of your perceptions.

So a teacher or member of staff shouldn't raise a concern/report it do the DSP either?

After all the hassle is the same.**

But the insight isn't. Members of staff will know about family circumstances, whether the children are clean and fed and doing ok.

Report it to the school.

except being wrongly accused does cause enormous harm!

Unless you have have concerns about the kids I think you better be damn sure they are illegal drug IV marks before you report. I receive IV drug therapy at the hospital and my consultant has decided against a PICC line until necessary due to the risk. Sometimes I look like a drug addict and sometimes I am bruised with collapsed veins and my arms are black and blue. Hospital track marks are not neat IME.

I would be mortified tbh.

but that wouldn't save the hassle of social work involvement before they could identify the person who took blood and got their version of events..

Yes let’s not report anything unless we’re 100% sure it’s abuse as we don’t want to hassle the social workers and do their job 🙄

Every social worker would absolutely prefer you ‘hassle’ them and it turns out to be nothing rather than not say anything and it turns out to be something.

Most reports will not go directly to a social worker anyway - they’ll build up a picture first.

The school won't always know.

Lots of stories of children dying because people thought it was none of their business.

Of course the needle marks might be for legitimate reasons. But then then they might not. I'd report under those circumstances

Absolutely report to the DSL at school. They'll look into it. Anyone saying otherwise has no clue about safeguarding.

You might be a mum at my school.
My arms look hideous with "track marks" from a ridiculous amount of blood tests and cannula insertions I've been subjected to for the last few months due to incredibly bad health.

Well done on being a nosy arsehole though.

I would report it to the head teacher but would start with saying what you have said here. You have known her for a year and have never had any concerns regarding her child/ren. You realise that she could have a medical condition (I’m thinking of my patients with haemophilia) but, due to the type of work you do, it could be illegal drugs and on balance, you thought it was best to mention it.

If the children are being taken to and picked up from school on time each day by their mother or another responsible adult, If they’re clean and presentable and being fed appropriately, If they seem happy… then I’d say mind your own business. The school will most likely be aware of any family addiction or ill health issues should they exist.

There are many reasons someone could have marks on their arms. As someone who has gone through long periods of having marks from having tests done and medication /treatment administered, I would be so affronted to be called out as a junkie with my kids at risk. And if she is a recovering addict, even years into recovery, why should she have to face justifying her recovery to random school gates mums looking for gossip?

unless there are additional reasons to suspect the children are being neglected then mind your own.

Congratulations on your lack of comprehension skills. I said it wouldn't save the mother the hassle of social work involvement, not that it'd save the social worker hassle

None of your business.

If you mean to suggest marks are from injecting insulin, that's not how it's done!

You know, when neglected children reach adulthood, one thing they often find particularly hard to deal with is this: “everyone must have known what was going on, why did no one help me?” If you think all schools are aware of all safeguarding issues affecting their childrn then you are bonkers.

OP: raise discreetly with the school safeguarding lead.

I think you are getting an unnecessarily hard time on this thread OP. As a teacher, I receive regular training on this and the message is always loud and clear ‘safeguarding is everyone’s responsibility’.
Waiting for proof, as many on this thread have suggested is not the correct way to go about this! I’m sure you’d have very different opinions if I had noticed unusual bruising on a child but waited for proof of their origin before raising a concern and it then turned out to be sinister. How am I supposed to prove that without asking leading questions, which is a big no no when dealing with these things?
The advice on these things is to report to the designated safeguarding lead in the school and let them deal with it from there.

If you work in this area then do you know of associated practices regarding safeguarding? I’m afraid I know nothing of how easy it is to tell if someone uses drugs etc

Social Work are so bloody overworked at the minute because of people reporting stupid things like bruising on a parent.

Even though they have no concerns for the child, haven't in the last year, no signs of the parent being off her face either, but op may have spotted a potentially dodgy looking bruise so, rather than keep an eye out for worrying behaviour, or invite the kid for a playdate and talk to the mum and make a judgement from there, let's call SS so kids there are concerns about get overlooked.

If you have concerns mention it discreetly to DSL if you need to.

But don't jump to conclusions.

When pregnant with DS1 I was told 'I need to clean up my act now I'm going to be a Mum' in the shop local to me and was gossiped about in the queue in asda by two woman... The reasoning...

My arms were black, covered in 'track marks' bruises and dodgy looking veins from repeated failed blood tests, cannulas etc over a period of time as well as having black dark circles, being white as a sheet and looking 'spaced out' as well as dropping weight.

In fact I was ill and receiving treatment.