Should I report this school mom?

[user65613468478]

Name changed for this and not really an AIBU but I need some advice.

I have noticed one of the school moms at DS's reception class has needle marks on her body. Without giving away information about myself I know that these marks are drug related. Her children are 1 and 5. Should I report it?

I sometimes get awful bruising when I give blood. I assume you know the difference OP.

I guess there's no harm speaking to the school and saying that you've noticed she's got awful marks on her arms and do they know if she's ok? They'll do the rest.

Mind you, there are (apparently) plenty of middle class drug users. Just because they're not stereotypical "junkies" doesn't mean that they're not drug abusers! Personally I wouldn't have a clue where to get this stuff (not that I want to).

Please speak to the head teacher who is most likely to be the designated safeguarding lead. You should not apologise to anyone about having concern for a child.

I hear you and that's our family experience too, kids were immaculate though.

Yes OP, raise it with the teacher and then that's that as far as you're concerned.

There may be a reasonable explanation, however, this is for the social services or safeguarding lead to decide. If you feel concerned report. And if there nothing going on - nothing will come off it.

Always report concerns. If you are wrong then no harm done.

Children looking well cared for means very little IME.

Honestly there are other ways to tackle this than telling the school she's probably on drugs. There could be loads of reasons

As a school governor if you have concerns report discreetly to the safeguarding lead and leave it at that. Mention it to no one and do b
not intervene.

For those telling her to mind her own business...ffs get a grip. It may well be innocent but it might not be.

Perhaps if more people reported concerns then we wouldn't have occuranves like Baby P etc.

Are you very very very sure of what you’re seeing? I think that most drug users know how to hide the obvious signs and it’s highly unlikely she’d be walking around with obvious signs of drug use exposed and visible on her body. It’s very easy to find a not-very-visible place to inject.

Are you quite sure they aren’t marks from a blood test or a medicinal, prescribed injectable drug?

YANBU school need to be aware if they aren't already and if these marks are due to ongoing medical treatment rather than drugs then the school is also likely to know this.

So Im curious how you KNOW shes a 'drug' user?
And if she is injecting how you know those 'drugs' arent prescribed?

During my 10 years of TTC while undergoing years of infertility treatment I had so many blood tests to track hormone shift during the years they tried to regulate my cycles that my veins have all collapsed in my arms (nurses say its like trying to take blood from an 80+ year old patient they are that delicate) thats not to mention all the injections I had to give myself in the stomach daily during IVF.

I was already struggling with infertility and the MMC of a long sort after prgenacy before starting the invasive tests and IVF at that point in my life I was as rock bottom as they come and if someone used that to try and my get son taken off me... well, lets just say there would be a special place in hell for that.

Here is an idea why don't you befriend her? Maybe she is a druggie, maybe she is a diabetic. It sounds rather harsh to flag something like that up when the child presents themselves to be happy and contended as it is the obligation of the teacher to escalate it. Put yourself in her shoes. Would you want to be reported if you present yourself like her?

I am a nightmare when it comes to drawing blood. Everytime I need to do blood tests I literally have marks all over the crook of my elbow on both arms and wrists because it is impossible to get anything out of me. I don't want to be stood next to you tbh or my children might be taken away.

You made me actual lol there

So do you know for sure its drug use?
no concerns with her or the child it’s only because you’ve noticed this?
i had marks for years ( blood tests every month for a health condition, marks and bruises all over my hands and arms)
i would hate for people to have been judging me.

You have to think are you more able to a) live with the possible repercussions of telling someone and being wrong, or b) live with the repercussions of not telling and being right. No one here knows the context and can't help you with that decision..

Report to the school safeguarding lead as others have suggested. Perhaps suggest it could be because of medical reasons but you are not sure that it is that.

@Readtheroom

Also if its a hot day shes not about to wear a long sleeved top or something that would be suspicious

Wearing a long sleeved top is suspicious?

@fluffycereal I agree with you I don’t think long sleeves are suspicious. I have to wear more clothing if it’s a really hot day because I burn almost the second I step outside! Anyway report concerns to the school but you should
know that from your work surely?

Won't OP feel stupid when the poor woman turns out to be diabetic. 🙄

When I used to give lots of blood, plasma etc, my arm looked like drug users!

How's her skin look? Are you sure it's drugs?

I'm completely anti drugs, but unless tge kids look malnourished and/or unkempt I'd do nothing.

If I knew her I might talk to her and pass the time of day just to make sure she's functioning OK.

The thing about safeguarding children- and I’m pretty sure about this - is that there needs to be a concern for the child.
Concern isn’t the same thing as suspecting a parent might be doing something.
That is straight up nosy.
The advice to report to a safeguarding lead is like the obsession during lockdown of how often people left their houses.
IF the woman has marks on her arm that appear consistent with drug use and the children are cared for there is actually nothing to report.
Imagine if you stumbled leaving a supermarket and another school parent saw you, decided you had to have been drinking alcohol in the day and reported you.
Its the equivalent.
The OP has no idea what substance was put into or removed from her body and despite knowing her for a year decided it had to be illegal drugs.
Then the “report it” people can pay themselves on their backs for “doing the right thing” - except you aren’t.
Which safeguarding policy do you follow exactly that says report your suspicions about people as a safeguarding matter.

I would 100% report to the school.

They use all of the small things to build a picture.

I work with vulnerable teens and I can’t tell you how many times it has been found out that someone is being physically or SA and it’s just by reporting the small things and someone putting all of the pieces together.

She could be an amazing mum and the child’s not at risk, but when children are concerned it’s always better to be safe than sorry.

Every single time a child is killed or seriously injured by their parents we all say ‘why didn’t anyone report it at the time’.

The same way PPs have said it could be X, Y or Z and not anything illegal because the child is well fed etc is exactly that same things people say when they don’t report it.

It would be so much easier to spot a neglected child if they were dangerously underweight, in ripped clothing and had black eyes - but they’re usually not, which is why abuse and neglect goes undetected for a long time.

I'm sure you could get the person who was trying to take the blood to confirm what caused the marks so I don't think there would be any danger of your children being taken off you.

@ancientgran but that wouldn't save the hassle of social work involvement before they could identify the person who took blood and got their version of events..