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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I report this school mom?

165 replies

user65613468478 · 25/05/2022 15:55

Name changed for this and not really an AIBU but I need some advice.

I have noticed one of the school moms at DS's reception class has needle marks on her body. Without giving away information about myself I know that these marks are drug related. Her children are 1 and 5. Should I report it?

OP posts:
RedPlumbob · 25/05/2022 17:34

All you know is she’s been jabbed with a needle. You don’t know who by or what for. Nasty behaviour - I have junkies in my family and none of them are daft enough to inject in places people can see ffs.

itsjustnotok · 25/05/2022 17:35

I live some of the responses here. The point of reporting it is to ensure that the children are ok and so is the mum. I can’t imagine being contacted following the report of a safeguarding concern, but perhaps if we actually looked out for possible concerns some abuse would be prevented and perhaps some parents might get the support they need. Ignoring things isn’t always the best course of action.

DysmalRadius · 25/05/2022 17:35

Notagain76 · 25/05/2022 16:00

If you have concerns for any child then yes report to ss or school safe guarding team, but make sure your 100% sure of the facts.

This is the exact opposite to the advice I have been given about safeguarding which is 'report and let the trained professionals deal with it'. You don't need proof, but if you're concerned then tell someone who can help and let them decide whether it needs following up.

CatLadyDrinksGin · 25/05/2022 17:36

Speak to the school DSL.

IsAnybodyListening · 25/05/2022 17:36

To be fair OP, regardless of what job you work in you wouldn't know for sure these are needle marks from illegal drugs.

Every now and then i have to go the doctors for various bloods and B12 injections, i can tell you for certainty the last time my arm looked like a pin cushion and was very bruised. Who knows if someone saw my arm and assumed heroin or what not?!

Cliftontherocks · 25/05/2022 17:37

RoonilWazlibb · 25/05/2022 16:14

My dh's inner arms were covered in bruises for months. He had cancer and was getting bloods taken every few days. I wonder if people were staring at him judging him for being a drug addict.
This mother might have some medical condition that means she needs injections of medicine (diabetes etc) or need regular bloods taken.

This

CapMarvel · 25/05/2022 17:38

user65613468478 · 25/05/2022 16:12

Okay for those who say I was staring - I have known this person for over a year as went to DS's nursery and only noticed it the other day - I don't go to the school gate looking for these things...!

I know they are drug marks because of the industry I work in, because of this I know they are fresh marks.

I have never had any concerns over this woman as a mom, my first instinct was to leave it alone but I can't help thinking if something happens to the kids I would never forgive myself. Shocked at the judgement on here...but then this is MN.

You have no idea whether the woman is abusing drugs or receiving legitimate medical treatment.

Unless you have concerns about the kids welfare, stay the fuck out.

mycatallowsmetolivehere · 25/05/2022 17:39

I also work in this "industry " as you call it
IVDU generally don't inject openly and wear short sleeved tops for people to stare at

If you have a SG concern , please report it
Just do that rather than this .

Elsiebear90 · 25/05/2022 17:40

Track marks usually look very different from bruising due to blood samples being taken, if OP is concerned she should raise it, that’s the whole point of safeguarding, it’s not on you to get proof, it’s to raise issues if you notice something that is concerning. This is why so many kids are abused and neglected, because people think they should mind their own business or be 100% sure before reporting their concerns.

maddy68 · 25/05/2022 17:40

Cliftontherocks · 25/05/2022 17:37

This

Show quote history

Still worth notifying school. If she is Ill the child may need extra support

GordonBennetttt · 25/05/2022 17:42

That's a huge reach to assume the marks are drugs related.
If you know they're needle marks because of where you work and you're worried then surely you already know you should report it?

spiderlight · 25/05/2022 17:43

When I started doing school runs, three weeks into Reception, I was gaunt and pale, with huge dark rings under my eyes, bruises and needle marks all over both arms, and at times I struggled to stand up or walk straight. This was because I had spent the first two weeks of the term in hospital with a life-threatening ulcerative colitis flare, having injections, transfusions, and multiple blood tests every day. I dread to think what the other parents thought, as none of them knew me beforehand and I probably did look like your stereotypical druggie. The school were aware, so nothing would have come of it if someone had reported me, but just bear in mind that there might be other explanations.

KittenKong · 25/05/2022 17:43

If you have concerns - yes report to the safeguarding officer at school. She may have jab marks from other things - but who knows? What if she is taking drugs - and you suspected be ‘kept your nose out’?

And if it’s something else - yes she will be pissed off that someone has reported her - but someone on drugs is hardly likely to admit it if asked at the school gate are they?

My alcoholic SIL was a bloody nightmare. The kids looked ok - clean and fed - but she was off her face half of the time and ‘looking after’ the kids. Kids can appear looked after whilst suffering emotionally (and being in potential danger in the care of a parent who is off their t*ts). Then of course she tried to kill my brother but that’s another story.

Darbs76 · 25/05/2022 17:43

So many deaths of innocent children and people suspected something and never said a word. Report to the safeguarding lead and let them take it forward

Readtheroom · 25/05/2022 17:44

Some people hide things in plain sight she may think no one will even think that its drugs, it may be a cry for help, who knows. Its better to be safe than sorry so definitely report if theres nothing wrong theyll know

Readtheroom · 25/05/2022 17:45

Also if its a hot day shes not about to wear a long sleeved top or something that would be suspicious

girlmom21 · 25/05/2022 17:46

Readtheroom · 25/05/2022 17:45

Also if its a hot day shes not about to wear a long sleeved top or something that would be suspicious

Not as obvious as injected, bruised arms...

DontPickTheFlowers · 25/05/2022 17:50

Yes, definitely report it to the safeguarding lead.

Jeansgoals · 25/05/2022 17:53

Just pass it all on. Its for the dsl to investigate.

glamourousindierockandroll · 25/05/2022 18:00

Of course you should. If the school have more information and are aware of the issue then fine. If theyre not, they can look into it.

IncompleteSenten · 25/05/2022 18:03

Mangogogogo · 25/05/2022 17:13

IV drug use that is not done medically is vastly different to the marks that are left when blood is taken and also if you were injecting yourself daily with prescription medication they look very different too, unless you deliberately did it the opposite to what you were told to do by your doctor.

of course you should raise a safeguarding concern and no, you do not need all the facts or to ‘get your facts right’. That’s the safeguarding officer’s job.

it’s funny how everyone gets up in arms when something liek baby p or Daniel pelka happens. ‘Why didn’t Someone do something?’
i dunno guys. Why didn’t someone do something?

It's neverending.

I have concerns.

mind your own business how dare you you know nothing snapshot.

News reports on child death. Reports include neighbours, school parents talking about things they'd noticed.

Uproar. Why didn't they say anything? They're complicit. That poor child. Why did nobody report it? How could people do nothing...

I have concerns.

Mind your own business...

ldontWanna · 25/05/2022 18:11

Have a word with the DSP. Only mention what you know as fact. That you saw fresh needle marks on her marks. You can mention you think it's drugs, or that it's possible it's drugs.You can't state that as a fact. Then they can make further enquiries.

MissMaple82 · 25/05/2022 18:11

It's not your place. I'm sure the school teachers will be aware of these things, its not just you that is tuned in to things like this. Stop being a busy body

ldontWanna · 25/05/2022 18:17

MissMaple82 · 25/05/2022 18:11

It's not your place. I'm sure the school teachers will be aware of these things, its not just you that is tuned in to things like this. Stop being a busy body

How do you know for sure?
You're assuming school are aware of a previous history ,if there is one. Then that there's enough face to face contact for a teacher or another member of staff to see the marks and that they are easily visible.Then that the teacher or said member of staff will recognise it as a concern and pass it on. Too many assumptions for things not to get missed.That's if they are actually needle marks.

Nat3kids · 25/05/2022 18:24

I would report OP. Hopefully there is an explanation but I’d rather get it wrong by reporting something innocent than miss the chance to save a kid from danger.