To encourage you to really cry out/scream if you're in pain!

[foldingcares]

And you're in hospital.

If your pain is really bad, and you think something is wrong, cry out. Scream even.

I am on Day 4 post removal of part of my intestine after it was removed due to intestinal blockage. It could've killed me. I was in agony on arrival, the pain was like waves, and I made this really clear but I was calm. I manage pain by deep breathing and focusing on my breaths

Surgeon apologised and said things could've been different but we didn't know you were in such a bad way they only knew when it turned septic.

See also, delivery of my DD. Upon arrival, 3rd baby, I'm going to deliver soon.

Midwife 'are you sure? Okay well we will examine you. I'm just going to do some stuff and I'll be back soon'

I said I need to push. Oh are you sure? Are you sure you're ready? You don't seem to be

Left the room again. DD was caught by H at the side of the bed. He pressed the emergency buzzer and she was already crying by the time they ran in

I had this when in labour with my first baby. They didnt believe me as i wasnt screaming. Then when they finally did examine me i was almost fully dilated

100%!!! I had 'you can't possibly need emergency surgery to save your life, you can walk fine'. Ok then! took myself home then went back the next day, had emergency 6 hour surgery and was there 8 weeks. Wish I'd screamed and cried! Just so thankful I took myself back to the hospital.

PP’s experiences of children with broken bones are interesting.
We were lucky that the hospital (during Covid even) were really good and did x-rays even though DS was chatting away and doing his homework with me happily. Once we all realised he indeed had a broken arm a doctor asked me if I’d given him any calpol at home - something which to be honest hadn’t crossed my mind. They asked DS if he wanted some and he was like “no, why would I want some?!”. He really enjoyed his day at hospital!

He doesn’t seem to have that high a pain threshold normally but maybe some broken bones just don’t hurt as much. For some reason I thought it would be agony but he was more concerned with what snacks I’d bought.

As a HCP I tend to subscribe to the ‘pain is what the patient says it is’ school of thought.

You can spot the drug-seekers a mile off, the ones who are on the phone texting all day or going outside for cigarettes and the moment their family comes in, they’re screaming that they’ve been in ‘11/10 pain all day and nobody has offered them any pain relief’. And they only ever want oramorph because they’re ‘allergic’ to paracetamol. But still you treat them the same as anyone else because that’s your job. Their bloods and scans are invariably normal, though.

It’s people like you, OP, who scare the shit out of us! We can usually tell who is pulling a fast one and who isn’t but that comes with experience.

I’m sorry for what you went through and I hope your recovery is fast and easy.

I had this too for my first baby, I was very nearly fully dilated before they believed me that I was in labour (even though I was being induced...) dc came quickly (I was also told first labour takes a long time, 2 hours for each cm dilated etc etc - dc1 born in 4.5 hours) and then there was a panic to find a delivery room. I was also asked if I could walk to the delivery room (I couldn't). After DC1 was born I lost a lot of blood. My blood pressure dropped a lot, I mumbled I wasn't feeling very well. It says in my notes 'elbo is complaining of not feeling well' I swiftly lost consciousness and nearly died, twice, I was believed the second time.

Also refused any treatment for suspected broken foot because I 'wasn't making enough noise'. I was crying silently with the pain and couldn't speak because it hurt so much.

I also have endo and I would silently be in pain each month, even my mum didn't think it was that bad... the only cue was the projectile vomiting.

I was told I wasn't in labour because I was talking coherently. I insisted on an examination before the hospital sent me home, ah, baby was crowning...was told I must have a high pain threshold.

Fell off a horse who then tap danced on me. Got dropped off in A&E and could barely breathe for the pain. Was told it was probably just bruising but I said I wanted an xray. Cue much sighing and eye rolling. One xray later and they saw I'd fractured my spine in several places.

I agree, I experienced this with both my births. I was told I was days away when they came just a couple of hours later. No gas and air offered until I was pretty much ready to deliver.

Grandma was very, very posh. Grandma's voice was extremely clear, clipped and cost her parents a tidy sum in overseas boarding fees. Grandma also told a doctor to kindly fuck off when he examined her for the first time on admission to hospital, six days before she died from metastatic cancer.

I apparently speak in her voice when I'm in dire straits, medically speaking. Each time, as soon as they hear whatever it is I'm saying, medical staff have acted really quickly with oxygen/morphine/whatever and stayed with me, rather than going to treat somebody else.

Maybe it's their perception that something is different that makes them take notice? And lots of people who aren't that ill make a lot of noise and demand opiates.

@ProclivityForPyrotechnics I work with children. A very quiet not moving child is a big concern!

mmm... when i got hospitalised (5 days, temperature of almost 41 which is apparently high) I think it's because i put my head down & simply went limp. At OOH doctor appt. I imagine if I'd been chatty or moaning they would have thought I had a lot of energy & could cope.

Quiet lifeless can get you stuff.

Ds fell on the ice on primary school & landed on his hands, immediately in pain with one wrist. School rang me to tell me but said he was fine, was being a drama queen about falling & I didn't need to pick him up early. When I went to pick him up at hometime he was grey, school had forced him to write with the hand that hurt. I took him straight to A & E, after Xrays he had broken his wrist in 2 places. I took great delight in ringing school to tell them that next time he had an accident or felt ill they were to ring me straight away to fetch him.

Yes OP!
when I had ds1 I phoned the hospital (45mins away) to say contractions were coming every 5 mins BUT I made the mistake of saying they weren’t as painful as I was expecting them to be. They pretty much scoffed at me down the phone and said I had hours to go. I arrived at the hospital about an hour later fully dilated and ready to push.

I asked for a GP visit because DH couldn't get out of bed without collapsing and had a fever. Asked if I could pop him in the car and bring him to the surgery??? Erm no he can't make it out the bedroom let alone put the house. It was pneumonia.

My csect wound fully split open, dh vomited as could see inside, horrific agony. Got asked if I could 'cry more quietly please' on my way back down to theatre....

My grandad also didn’t make enough of a fuss when a doctor made a home visit. My grandmother woke up to him the next day unconscious and he was rushed to hospital. He died from sepsis a few hours later 😞 the doctor didn’t check his urine or anything for infection.

Agree - the midwife told me I wasn't in active labour and would be going home. She examined me and told me to push! She apologised but said I didn't seem to be pain and wasn't making a fuss!

The midwives didn't believe me when I said my second baby was imminent either op! I kept asking for drugs / saying baby would be here soon but was dismissed. Then when my 20 minute pushing stage began I begged for drugs over and over and they just all kept saying "it's too late for any of that" and I could've murdered them!

I begged for drugs over and over and they just all kept saying "it's too late for any of that" and I could've murdered them!

same here - made me push for over an hour with no drugs by which point I had to have an emergency section!

Happened with dd, hours in a busy A&E - she'd fallen and hurt both arms, one slightly sorer than the other. Dr finally agreed to x ray the sorer one just to be safe which, judging by the look on his face when he actually saw the x ray, he didnt expect for a second to be broken. He then seemed to panic about the other one which dd told him in the end felt better (turned out she just said this because she wanted to go home and not wait hours for another X-ray and result. Will never know if it was actually broken again). Throughout the rest of the consultation dr kept doing a surprised laugh and commenting that dd was 'funny'. Was a little odd tbh surely most dc aren't still hysterical or crying hours after a simple arm fracture. She'd cried a lot at the time but by the time we actually got there she'd composed herself. When dd 1 had a similar injury she was the same - only cried initially when it happened and was laughing in the hospital. Experienced fracture nurse didn't think it strange funnily enough.

I did actually have an experience of this in reverse.

Second baby.
First baby had been 42 weeks I was in back to back 48 hours labour, in the end induced, epidural and pushing for 2 hours.

So second baby, had been given pessary to be induced, hadn't worked. Dh sent home, told we'll try again tomorrow. Then started getting mild contractions. I was on the ward and was watching TV in a side room. I stood up and rocked and walked round a bit with the contractions. Midwife came over and watched me for 5 minutes and then said - was your first baby back to back? I think you are in active labour. Examined me and whisked me up to delivery suite.
I refused to go until she'd phoned dh, who jumped in the car, 40 minutes drive to hospital, he just made it with 5 minutes to spare to see dd born.

It can have the reverse in children.
My 1.5 year old DD had been very unwell for 6 days and was getting worse but because she screamed bloody murder when a doctor tried to examine her we were sent home after being told it was probably viral as she "has plenty of energy"

2 days later she was in hospital seriously unwell with meningitis.

This is so infuriating, doubly so as a BAME woman.

Being strong is not always good.

HCAs are gods and goddesses, every one of them. For some reason while I was in labour I sort of attached myself to one and she was so lovely - it was like I could only hear her voice. The midwives present very sensibly told her to stay with me and she did for my whole labour. At one point she was holding my face and we were singing while I felt like I was being torn in two! My daughter was born while she was holding me up and I honestly couldn’t have done it without her.

Totally agree OP. I've got a high pain threshold and am not generally a crier / shouter in life anyway. Walked into A&E a few years ago with what I thought was possibly a broken ankle (after first aider at work checked me over), I was in a lot of pain but found it manageable, wasn't being a martyr or anything. Triage nurse very dismissive and said I wouldn't be walking (albeit with a limp) if it was broken.

Cue doctor later trotting out of the X-ray room shouting to get me a wheelchair and for me not to put any more weight on it...Tibia and fibula fractured. He couldn't believe I'd walked in and was showing other staff the X-ray in disbelief 😄

When I went into labour with DC1 my contractions were pretty close together but the midwife on the labour ward phone line said (super patronisingly) "is it your first baby?" then told me I wasn't screaming loudly enough with each contraction so the birth was probably a way off yet and why didn't DP run me a bath.

We insisted on going in. I was 10cm dilated when we got there and ready to push straight away. If I'd got in the bath chances are the baby would have come out in it.