Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To encourage you to really cry out/scream if you're in pain!

106 replies

foldingcares · 25/05/2022 14:29

And you're in hospital.

If your pain is really bad, and you think something is wrong, cry out. Scream even.

I am on Day 4 post removal of part of my intestine after it was removed due to intestinal blockage. It could've killed me. I was in agony on arrival, the pain was like waves, and I made this really clear but I was calm. I manage pain by deep breathing and focusing on my breaths

Surgeon apologised and said things could've been different but we didn't know you were in such a bad way Confused they only knew when it turned septic.

See also, delivery of my DD. Upon arrival, 3rd baby, I'm going to deliver soon.

Midwife 'are you sure? Okay well we will examine you. I'm just going to do some stuff and I'll be back soon'

I said I need to push. Oh are you sure? Are you sure you're ready? You don't seem to be Confused

Left the room again. DD was caught by H at the side of the bed. He pressed the emergency buzzer and she was already crying by the time they ran in

OP posts:
Fitterbyfifty · 25/05/2022 14:32

Agreed! My midwife looked at me when I said I wanted to push and said "you've got hours yet". Ds born 5 minutes later and yes, she got a bollocking for leaving me alone!

AmbushedByCake · 25/05/2022 14:32

Good advice. I went to hospital with what I thought was a broken leg. The a&e nurse was incredibly sneery and told me that if my leg was even broken, I'd just need a boot. It was broken in 3 places, I dislocated every bone in my ankle, I needed 2 surgeries and was in hospital for 10 days immobilised on an orthopaedic ward.

AmbushedByCake · 25/05/2022 14:33

BTW wishing you a smooth and speedy recovery OP 💐

Original poster
foldingcares · 25/05/2022 14:35

Sorry to hear that Flowers

It pisses me off too because the best way to manage calm (for me), is deep breathing and focusing on taking myself to another place.

Crying about the place and making loud noises just makes things worse as I lose control then

Argh

OP posts:
scrivette · 25/05/2022 14:36

Absolutely - The Midwife was really rude when I turned up at the hospital and assumed I was a first time panicking Mum to be. She examined me and I was 9cm dilated, the change in her tone and attitude was unbelievable and she then couldn't do enough for me.

TruJay · 25/05/2022 14:36

I can totally see your point on this. I have a very high pain threshold and I don’t cry and scream etc but that doesn’t mean it isn’t bloody agony.

I had a similar experience in labour, didn’t believe I was ready to push until they finally looked and I was 10cm!

I really worry about my children with this, especially dd. She is very similar with a high pain threshold and is autistic and has learning disabilities and does not complain about pain. She can fall and practically rip her knee off and she’ll just look at it and wipe the blood and that’s it. I worry about her ever having say appendicitis or something as I just don’t think she’d react in the way expected.

Original poster
foldingcares · 25/05/2022 14:38

@TruJay bloody hell that's my DS. He would come into a room with a bloody face and I panic wondering! He falls from lots of heights and brushes himself off. Really inappropriate response to pain and in addition to that, he can't speak a word so I wonder how I'd ever know if he was seriously in pain Sad

OP posts:
Gentleness · 25/05/2022 14:41

That's been my experience too.

Hypnobirthing, hardly some mystical new idea, and they wanted to send me home. I got 50 yards beyond the ward exit...

Ear infection (major) - totally minimised whenever I had to take the kids with me and was therefore hiding my pain as much as possible, despite describing the pain as about a 9. When I was alone and let myself openly weep and shake, I got attention.

Likewise with kidney stone.

Toddlerteaplease · 25/05/2022 14:42

It's not the screaming patients we worry about. It's the very quiet ones. Who lie in bed and won't move.

ghostyslovesheets · 25/05/2022 14:44

AmbushedByCake · 25/05/2022 14:32

Good advice. I went to hospital with what I thought was a broken leg. The a&e nurse was incredibly sneery and told me that if my leg was even broken, I'd just need a boot. It was broken in 3 places, I dislocated every bone in my ankle, I needed 2 surgeries and was in hospital for 10 days immobilised on an orthopaedic ward.

Reminds me of DD2 years ago - fell off a cube at soft play - went to minors who said it was a sprain as she was not in 'much pain' went to A+E the next day when she wouldn;t walk on it - again not screaming - nurse made her stand on the scales to be weighed, winked at me and said they'd do an x-ray just to be safe - broken in two places
Same with her collar bone - managed to raise her arm etc. X-ray 'to be sure' showed a clean break in the middle - by the time she broke her wrist and just went quiet and said she was fine I knew her signs!
Slightest tiny scratch of blood though and she's scream like her leg was off!

Original poster
foldingcares · 25/05/2022 14:45

Toddlerteaplease · 25/05/2022 14:42

It's not the screaming patients we worry about. It's the very quiet ones. Who lie in bed and won't move.

Not in my experience it's not

OP posts:
SirenSays · 25/05/2022 14:49

Toddlerteaplease · 25/05/2022 14:42

It's not the screaming patients we worry about. It's the very quiet ones. Who lie in bed and won't move.

During triage maybe or if you arrive at the scene of an accident. Actually on the ward? Not so much. My friend nearly died because she was in this state and completely forgotten about until morning shift started.

TheGoogleMum · 25/05/2022 14:49

Yes sometimes when doctors are trying to figure out where the problem is they poke and prod you - I think they want to hear you tell them if it hurts but they don't always communicate this! They'll also be feeling if anything feels odd of course too

Original poster
foldingcares · 25/05/2022 14:50

@TheGoogleMum but I did. I told them the pain was a 10. Each time.

Still, not listened to unless you're crying out scrrwaming

OP posts:
Beautifulmonster87 · 25/05/2022 14:52

foldingcares · 25/05/2022 14:29

And you're in hospital.

If your pain is really bad, and you think something is wrong, cry out. Scream even.

I am on Day 4 post removal of part of my intestine after it was removed due to intestinal blockage. It could've killed me. I was in agony on arrival, the pain was like waves, and I made this really clear but I was calm. I manage pain by deep breathing and focusing on my breaths

Surgeon apologised and said things could've been different but we didn't know you were in such a bad way Confused they only knew when it turned septic.

See also, delivery of my DD. Upon arrival, 3rd baby, I'm going to deliver soon.

Midwife 'are you sure? Okay well we will examine you. I'm just going to do some stuff and I'll be back soon'

I said I need to push. Oh are you sure? Are you sure you're ready? You don't seem to be Confused

Left the room again. DD was caught by H at the side of the bed. He pressed the emergency buzzer and she was already crying by the time they ran in

I was told three BP monitors must be broken as it was far too high, no it’s because I’m in labour and if you pull my trousers down you’ll see his head is coming…!!

OrangeBall · 25/05/2022 14:54

it's a good point

I had to take dp to A and E many years ago as he collapsed with abdominal pain. Dp has an incredibly high pain threshold and when he is collapsing, you know it is seriously bad.

cue the hospital saying he was fine because he could talk. They almost sent us home but decided to 'run some tests' for the sake of it. Meanwhile I could see dp was incredibly ill. I called the nurse over and begged her to help. They were all rolling their eyes in a 'we're incredibly busy' way. About 30 mins later, I watched the nurse run across the room to the doctor with a piece of paper. it was his blood results. He had such bad levels of so many things that they then only gave him a 1 in 2 chance of survival. I was hurried out while they took him straight to theatre. He was in hospital for weeks and only just survived. The nurse said we have just never seen anyone that ill who was able to speak so just thought he was fine.

OrangeBall · 25/05/2022 14:55

(he had acute pancreatitis, diverticulitis, a stone stuck somewhere causing a blockage, a blocked intestine and something else - it had also triggered some type of diabetic response which is why he was so quiet!!)

Notodaynotever · 25/05/2022 14:56

I have this problem too. If I can't breathe through the pain they notice that.

aquietlifeplease · 25/05/2022 15:00

I now tell my children to scream and cry if in pain after a doctor told me my eldest couldn’t possibly have broken their ankle because they weren’t crying - broken in two places when I persuaded them to x ray her! Same hospital told me I wasn’t having renal issues because I wasn’t crying in pain, I did and 6 surgeries later I still have problems and I still don’t cry with pain ffs

hellywelly3 · 25/05/2022 15:01

It’s like when they ask you to rate pain 1-10. Everyone has a different pain threshold. I think I have a high pain threshold but I’m conscious of saying too low or I’ll just be dismissed as not that bad.

SeaToSki · 25/05/2022 15:11

Also tell your dc that if the doctor asks if it hurts when they poke something, dont just go no

Tell them yes it hurts if it feels any differently than normal, or differently from the other side (for arms and legs etc).

The number of doctors I have told off for asking dc the wrong question and then shown them how to get an accurate answer from asking an open ended question like “tell me how your arm is different now than on a normal day”. Cue dc saying well it burns and twists inside versus a no it doesnt hurt if asked does this (poke) hurt

puffalo · 25/05/2022 15:12

I agree. After EMCS with DD1 I was in a lot of pain post op. Midwives all treated me like I was some sort of drama queen for struggling to move around (of course it had nothing to do with the fact they kept forgetting to give me my pain meds at the correct time). I wasn’t crying or anything but I genuinely was in agony and it took me nearly a month to walk with a semi straight back.

Had an elective section with DD2 and the difference was astounding. Barely felt it in comparison. On my feet a few hours later and walking properly by day 3.

So now I’ve had the two experiences to compare against one another, it just pisses me off in hindsight. The pain I felt during the first one was not normal. But they didn’t give a flying fuck.

Unfortunately that stay in hospital with DD1 was awful in many other ways, so I will never forget it. You really do have to go OTT to actually get any help these days.

steppemum · 25/05/2022 15:19

I was recently in hospital with gall bladder infection. Sitting in a chair waiting to be admitted for hours and hours. Dehydrated, needed intravenous antibiotics etc.
At one point I started to cry. Honestly so unlike me, just sat there crying quietly in pain and distress. Suddenly everything moved, drip put in, pain relief administered, got my feet up so I was almost lying down.

I realise afterwards that I was being sensible and stoic and that is bloody useless, as they can't tell how bad it is.

thevanilla · 25/05/2022 15:28

Yabu to encourage everyone to scream and cry if they’re not feeling the need to, imagine what a&e would be like ffs. How would the staff differentiate between genuine wailing and ‘I’m wailing because mumsnet told me to’

AtomicBlondeRose · 25/05/2022 15:36

But it's not about crying if you don't need to, it's about outwardly showing inward pain you wouldn't normally show.

I'm the same and so is my DD - if she's crying in pain for longer than the standard "boo hoo" stage I start to get really worried as she never does that. Also been disbelieved I was in labour twice because I wasn't yelling and carrying on. I just don't do that!