I’ll be too old, won’t I?

[Cantbelieveiusedtowatchthiscrap]

I’m 44 with a 4 year old Dd. Pregnant at 39 after 9 long years ttc and losses etc.
We have one frozen embryo left, frozen from when I was 39. I need to decide what to do. Not that it’s any guarantee it would work.
I’d love to have another child and would love Dd to have a sibling.
My age is literally the only thing standing in the way.
Seems so cruel, even if I was 5 years younger, I’d feel a bit differently.

What would you do?

I think do it. I’ve got one ivf 4 year old and had 3 frozen embryos, and waited to transfer because of my birth injuries (it took me a long time to feel physically and emotionally ready) and then the covid chaos of 2020 hit and we had to wait again. I kind of wish I hadn’t waited initially as I’m older now than I’d like to be - at the risk of sounding really bloody obvious, you’ll age more while you’re deciding.

It’s hard because when you’ve got one frozen you have the hope of a sibling. I’ve had two failed transfers in the last year and am about to embark on transferring our last frozen embryo, and part of me wants to delay it just to hang onto the hope/possibility.

@Whykea That’s lovely ☺️

OP 100% go for it......never regret x

@Verbena87 Exactly the same here, I often wonder what would have happened had covid not happened, the clinic wasn’t even open for so long and then I had long covid. I have to decide now though

@RosesAndHellebores

I'm 67 😮and retired. Halleluja after a life of working, travelling the world solo with DS, being a single mum and taking care of my parents in their dotage.
Loved all of it, but nice to be able to put my feet up now.....

And of course, my son, now an adult still wants my input when he has something going on. Love it.

I wouldn't. I'm 48 and the idea of a four year old is not appealing at all - my youngest is a good ten years older than that. Four years (nearly five as it would be) is quite a big gap for them to be playmates as well. Maybe a few middle years but mine don't.
However if you want to, you should. Everyone parents differently and everyone's kids are different.

…also, I’m a strong believer in thinking it’s the quality of the relationship that is most important (from a family with numerous ‘older’ parents, some through choice and some through circumstance, so have given this lots of thought over the years)! wishing you ALL the very best with this x

I would absolutely go for it.

I honestly haven’t ever considered 36 to be an ‘older mum’. This might be geographical, but for most couples I know (professionals in London) that would be very much the average age to have kids!

@Whykea i love this ❤️

The miscarriage risk is from the age of the egg at the time the embryo was created.

@LilacPoppy Yes, that’s why I was assuming it being from when I was 39, isn’t too risky, not perfect but not as though it’s coming from my 44 year old bod

My friend had her and her 2 brothers in her 40s. She had been unable to conceive before then. Her mum was a bundle of energy who died aged 94 earlier this year.

I had my 4th child at 40. I'm now in my 50s. I don't feel any different to when I had my first who's nearly 20. I work, I'm fit etc.

If you're fine with one you'll be fine with 2 a few years later. Plus your first one will be at school so not having to look after 2 uoing ones at the same time.

The older you get, the higher the chance for genetic problems but, having said that, there are also a lot more exams you can do (very acurate and safe nowadays) so go for it and do the aminio. Best of luck to you.

@Oceanus But the embryo would be from age 39, older, but not as old

It isn't. I was 38 I'm now a grandma and absolutely loving looking after my 9 month old beautiful grandson on a regular basis alongside working shifts. I'm 60. You are only as old as you feel.

You’re not too old. Google the story of Debbie aged 52 who had a baby naturally (it’s Daily Mail sorry)

Let fate decide. Give it a go!

It's not about the embryo per se but about you. They'll put in the embryo but, for example, the nervous system of the fetus is formed during the last trimester (if memory serves me right). So you'll be older and your body won't be in peak form but it doesn't mean you will have issues, you know? There's just a higher chance, so you need to be fully aware of that and when they offer you an amniocentesis say yes- don't be like "I'll be happy with whatever God brings!". Do the amnio and then that won't be an issue. The amnio kind of eliminates that risk (again, it's a possibility not a certainty) in my humble opinion.

@Oceanus I was offered an amniocentesis for my Dd, I didn’t do it. I did have some expensive blood tests though

Baby at 45 he's finishing university next month. Was great

@justasking111 Aww, did you have others, what were your circumstances? Obviously tell me to stop being nosey if you don’t want to disclose!

I was 47 having IVF twins. I'm perfectly health with loads of energy.
My parents were 43/42 having me, and now at 93/92, absolutely love their twin grand children.

You already have a young child, so very different to having grown-up kids and trying for a baby.

@Cantbelieveiusedtowatchthiscrap There was something in the New York Times regarding those fancy (and not particularly accurate) blood tests some time ago... I can't seem to find that article but it wasn't that long ago. I strongly suggest you look for it and read it!
My DM's retired but she was specialised in maternal health and obstetrics (a proper midwife!) and you really shouldn't worry about getting one. It carried a real risk back in the day but not this day and age. If you're too worried just look for a doctor who has a lot of experience and who'll put you at ease.
At your age, if you're serious about doing this, go for the amnio. I know this won't be a popular opinion but you don't end up at 60 and worrying about how your DD will take care of her sibling with Down's.

My mother had my sister in her early 30s and was classed as a "mature mum", She took me to some appointments with her because no childcare, I was 10 at the time, and I heard a doctor telling her because of her older age she's at increased risk of a few things and I spent the whole pregnancy worried about my mother. (All was fine)

There was a thread not so long ago where an early 40s woman was called a geriatric mother and she was worried about it, quite a few people said that term "geriatric" is medically used for pregnant women 35 and over so a closer eye can be kept because of increased age related risks so I can totally see why someone referred to 36 as being older in the terms of getting pregnant because quite a few posters on that thread said 35+ is medically classed as a geriatric pregnancy.

Link if anyone wants to read it

www.mumsnet.com/talk/pregnancy/4544812-docs-class-me-as-a-geriatric-mother