To stay at conference hotel alone

[norfolkbroads]

In a few weeks I am going to a conference/weekend event related to a hobby of mine. It's just over an hour away from where I live with my parents (I'm early 20s) while I'm saving to move out. The event lasts a couple of days and I had originally planned to drive back and forth each day. However, I have now booked a single room in a hotel near to the conference venue as I got a good deal and not having to travel will enable me to get more from the conference.

AIBU to consider staying there alone? I have friends who will also be attending the conference, so I will be with them during it, but they will not be staying with me at the hotel for the two nights. My parents are still pretty involved in what I'm up to (a slight bone of contention on my part!) but I haven't told them about my plans yet as I am worried they will be anxious about it and try to discourage me. The hotel is in a safe area and has good reviews online.

I work in IT and used to work in investment banks. I know this behaviour. I have seen and witnessed it first hand. It still goes on, but not to the same extent, imo. I still have never been sexually assaulted at any of the IT conferences I go to. Harrassed by a few men, pestered by a few men, creeped out by a few barmen. But that's what women put up with anyway and is not unique to conferences. It hasn't stopped me enjoying a drink in the bar or eating on my own. I work for corporate IT now. I have never been issued these kinds of conference/hotel guidelines from either corporate financial services or corporate IT HR. All kinds off safety tips and emails around travelling, terrorism etc but nobody has ever tried to infantalise me to the extent of telling me to barricade myself in my hotel room. We get told to enjoy ourselves but make sure you make it to the morning sessions, that's it!

And this is a CRAFTING conference. The vast majority of attendees will be women!

As it is posters are dismissing these attacks because they are rare, but that’s not going to be much consolation if they happen to you.

No-one is going to contend that attacks don't happen, because that would be stupid. Just as they won't tell you that there is no risk in driving to those conferences or travelling by train for that purpose, or in crossing the road to get to the hotel. But on your philosophy, no-one should go to conferences at all because the risks involved in travel are considerably greater than the risks you describe.

The point is to take a sensible approach to risk. The suggestions that women in conference hotels need to hide away, never go to the hotel restaurant or bar, etc, are massively disproportionate.

finance/investment banking

Still up for a bit of casual bullying I see. Lovely.

I don't think the behaviour of men in finance/ investment banking is representative of all conferences. Certainly in my world of conferences in Dementia care it is not the case. If it was found out that a man paid for an escort while representing the NHS or charity there would be a lot of trouble. You're expected to be 'at work' even for the evening dos and it is frowned upon to get too drunk.

Unless the OP's hobby is something like men's rugby I suspect the vast majority of people in the hotel will be absolutely fine (not that all rugby players are awful at all- it can just get boozed up and some can be lary)

It's good to be aware of your surroundings, maybe sit in the bar at a table which is close to the actual bar so you're not isolated and move away if there's anyone who makes you feel uncomfortable (or tell the bar staff- hotels really don't like people causing issues for other guests).

So, it’s fine when you:

• Scaremonger.


• Insulting posters who disagree with you (we’re all deluded, drunk or have nefarious objectives, apparently).


• Dismiss other people’s experiences as anecdotal and statistically irrelevant, sad or desperate to pretend there’s no danger.

However, it’s ‘casual bullying’ when I ask for stats or any basis for what you’re saying? This makes sense to you? Lovely, indeed.

Please, report me for bullying.

I was clear earlier that I was not going to engage with your questions due to your tone so please stop harassing me.

Men in finance/investment banking don’t behave like that at conferences. And women in finance/investment aren’t given this sort of advice. It’s 2022, everyone would get sued.

I initially thought the poster in question was just a woman being paranoid, but now I think they are some manner of fantasist. It’s probably best not to engage.

It is not even representative of all finance/investment banking

I have worked for 3 global investment banks with lots of national and international travel and never had any of the supposed ‘standard’ travel advice provided above

As a pp said if any company tried to give different travel advice to males and females then they would open themselves up to a series of discriminatory accusations

I think that those of you arguing about corporate conferences, as well as putting the OP off, are not quite understanding the event the OP is going to, which sounds to me more like a weekend convention for people with a particular hobby than a corporate ‘conference’. So those attending will all be there because they share an interest, not for work. I’ve been to a number of weekend conventions in hotels and they are always great fun, don’t involve the sort of let-off-the-leash behaviour described, and are best enjoyed by staying over so you can take part in the evening activities too.

OP, you will have a great time meeting people who share your interest, and will probably make new friends. Your parents will just have to worry about you until they get used to the idea that you’re an adult, and each time you do something like this without incident they will get more confident that you’re fine going out in the world.

You did engage with the questions. You just couldn’t answer them with any stats and instead provided two randomly Googled incidents over a decade apart. Not being able to provide evidence isn’t the same as not engaging.

You’re replying to me, quoting my posts. I'm doing the exact same in response. So, by your metric, you’re harassing me. If you don’t want to engage, then stop replying.

I’ll bow to the mean girl mob and withdraw from the thread. I’ve made my points.

At your age I was freelancing away from home several nights a week, staying in hotels and B&Bs on my own!

It's no big deal. Hotels are better for anonymity, B&Bs better for info about local area (and often a load of gossip!). The only pain I've found is at hotel breakfast as you're sitting on your own, someone clearing the entire table when you go and get some more food! Solved that by leaving a jumper draped over chair and a magazine/book on the table!

I usually preferred to eat in the hotel in the evening unless I knew the area well or in the summer months it was light and there were people around.

Never had any problems though!

Sounds great. If I was your parent I would encourage it. Less driving more time to rest and enjoy.

These nested quotes are getting MASSIVE aren't they.

It’s normal to be anxious the first time you do anything, and staying in a hotel alone is no different. I do it all the time and have done for years as I travel a lot for work. See it as a treat - has the hotel got a pool/ spa/ gym? A decent restaurant? Down load some shows you e been meaning to watch - dig out a good book. Don’t forget to pack a small handbag - nobody want to lug around a day pack for dinner. Also earplugs if you are sensitive to noise. Electrical tape is also handy for covering up annoying lights on tv etc at night. Go and have fun - treat yourself

It's not mean to point out that your behaviour is unusual and verging on paranoid!

It's not mean to point out that the advice you gave the poor OP was OTT and not what the vast majority of women staying in hotels on their own feel the need to do.

remember to un-wedge your door on the way out or the flounce will be short lived.

I am off to France on Friday - I fully intend to eat and drink in public and may even talk to men - I do not own a wedge - I am doomed

Gosh. Is @DontBlameMe79 some kind of hotel focussed Mary Whitehouse?

YABU you’re like my mum who thinks I’ll be gang raped at the Tory party conference because I’m going to the after party thing.
you’re going to a hotel not Baghdad calm down

What utter tosh. In rather more than 25 yrs of corporate travel all over I've never seen a client provide such paranoid advice to their female staff.

Seriously "lock yourself away in the hotel room with a wedge at all times when not in the office/event". Do they recommend wearing long robes in case a glimpse of ankle drives the hotel staff mad? 😂

😂😂😂

@150poundrebate 😭 ikr she is mental trust me

@TonyBlairsLover I honestly spat out my tea! 😂

I think your mum would be very disappointed by what actually goes on at party conference after parties. Don’t tell her and spoil it for her! 😂😂😁