To stay at conference hotel alone

[norfolkbroads]

In a few weeks I am going to a conference/weekend event related to a hobby of mine. It's just over an hour away from where I live with my parents (I'm early 20s) while I'm saving to move out. The event lasts a couple of days and I had originally planned to drive back and forth each day. However, I have now booked a single room in a hotel near to the conference venue as I got a good deal and not having to travel will enable me to get more from the conference.

AIBU to consider staying there alone? I have friends who will also be attending the conference, so I will be with them during it, but they will not be staying with me at the hotel for the two nights. My parents are still pretty involved in what I'm up to (a slight bone of contention on my part!) but I haven't told them about my plans yet as I am worried they will be anxious about it and try to discourage me. The hotel is in a safe area and has good reviews online.

@GregBrawlsInDogJail Hide in your barricaded room

I think you're glamourising the special rubber wedge calling it a barricade, if I'm honest.

This. This is probably the only sensible comment on this thread.

Jesus, you need to move out.

Staying at a hotel overnight on your own is an entirely normal adult thing to do. If your parents need to get used to the idea of you doing it, then you have issues you need to address with them regarding them treating you as an adult.

@DontBlameMe79

So do you honestly go to the hotels restaurant or bar if you’re on your own then? You just hole up in your bedroom? How is that ok or fair on you?

So what if your get chatted up when at the bar or restaurant dining alone? Ignore, tell them to leave you alone as you’re not interested or get the staff to do it. You have options. But squirrelling yourself away for safety should never have to be one of them.

I took a rubber wedge when I went on holiday on my own years ago - only to find all hotel doors in that country opened outwards. Ha.

The thing about safety, risk and what makes a precaution reasonable or over the top is that we all draw the line as to where we think the right balance is in a different place. I got into furious arguments with my parents when I was about op’s age because they didn’t think I should be going out after dark. They seemed to think I didn’t understand the risks. What they couldn’t grasp was that I did, but I wasn’t prepared to severely restrict my life to avoid them.

Ive heard most of the advice that pps have said is standard for female travellers before (except the not eating at the hotel restaurant!), and it doesn’t surprise me at all that companies err massively on the side of caution. But that doesn’t mean to say I must follow it. I wouldn’t, as it’s restrictive to the point I’d find travel alone pointless and I’d feel like a victim-in-waiting all the time. That’s not how I want to live my life. Doesn’t mean that I think nothing could happen to me, or that if it does I deserve it. If taking those measures feels right to you, then take them - but please don’t make out that such severe restrictions are standard (they really aren’t) or affect confusion that women may protest male violence while refusing to significantly restrict their lives in the name of safety.

I’ve long had a theory that men are trusted to calculate the level of risk they’re prepared to live with, while women are seen as naive, ignorant or rash if they take risks. See the difference how people react to stories about travellers being killed abroad - women are portrayed as gullible fools in a way men aren’t.

I think you will be fine. The only advice I would give is not to drink too much because I have the feeling that you are not used to alcohol and alcohol makes some people lose awareness , which any woman, no matter how confident in her own company at home or abroad , needs to retain. So go to the bar, have a drink or two, but then stick to soft drinks, and like any woman drinking in public be aware of where your drink is.

😁

Well @AngelinaFibres maybe they should join the rest of us in 2022 where thankfully those are not the views of the majority of the population.

I think the sun has got to a lot of posters today or as a pp said MN has jumped the shark with this thread

You never know, you might actually strike up a conversation with someone pleasant and have a nice evening. She's unlikely to be a woman though because they're all in their rooms with their rubber wedges.

Staying in a hotel is "a bit wild"- um....what??? No it isnt- literally millions of people stay overnight in hotels across the globe. They arent all tattooed, drugged up members of heavy metal bands.......

This thread should be applauded for resurrecting the word 'racy' alone. Sadly underused IMO.

I used to travel for work and stayed in a hotel on my own. It’s ace! Just remember to take a book down to dinner x

Please stay at the hotel.

you Are an adult - there is a big world out there and you need to enjoy it.

at your age I went to Australia alone. I had a stop over in Asia - was amazing and I am so proud of myself for doing it.

i travel a lot alone for work - I start in hotels all over the world and have never had any issues.

your parents need to accept that you are an adult - and it’s not 1930!!!!

Go for it, OP and enjoy it.

I used to travel for work when I was in my early twenties and I loved staying in hotels alone.

I feel like I’ve fallen and smacked my head.

.. on your special rubber wedge?

Possibly, or it might have been my pepper spray for trips in the elevator.

Just do it. Really no big deal. You shouldn’t need to ask

Go and have a great time.
Take some sensible precautions - there are some creeps about. Don't drink too much. Think about the route from conference centre to hotel and whether it's safe to walk.
I've been all over Europe on my own and also go long distance trekking alone. I can only recall one incident where I was harrassed by some bloke. Managed to get rid of him though. I've had way more bother in terms of sexual harrassment from people I know in the area where I live.
I absolutely love going to a hotel and really chilling out. Room clean when I arrive. I enjoy long hot baths or showers. I enjoy breakfast laid out and not having to do anything. Just enjoy it!

I bloody love a hotel room all to myself. I'm currently planning a little solo road trip around the north of England, different hotel each night. I'm 60 something though, so obviously invisible to men.

OP Please just go and enjoy it - a weekend away in a hotel plus conference will be brilliant. Take yourself some snacks and wine to have in the room too.

You are an adult and even if your parents worry about you they should not be using this as control over you at all - or even having a say or mentioning it. Bottom line - it’s really none of their business where you are, what you do and who with.

I am a mum of a 22yr old and 18 year old. My 22 yr old is travelling in Asia at the moment - am I worried he is safe (maybe a bit - he’s my child 😍perfectly natural ) do i show it ( no) did I stop him from going (no)!! My 18 yr old has booked two European trips over the summer before Uni. Same with him - of course I ‘mum’ worry but would not dream of stopping him. It’s all part of growing up and becoming an adult.

I’m gobsmacked by this thread too. I’ve been staying alone in hotels since my teens and I’m now in my mid-40s. Like others I travelled alone all over the world in my 20s. Now it tends to be far less glamorous and usually for business.

Just last week I was staying in a premier inn on the outskirts of quite a rough city. I parked in the car park, wandered around a bit to look at the area, found a nice bar where I had a meal and a drink, wandered back, made a couple of phone calls from my parked car without even thinking to lock the door, and went to bed sans rubber wedge. The next morning I wandered across the car park to the Beefeater and had breakfast alone before driving into the city centre for my day of business meetings. In all this time nobody threatened me or even tried to talk to me and it never crossed my mind that I was doing anything dangerously edgy. Clearly my life is more exciting than I thought.

I actually feel at least as safe in a hotel as I do at home. I live alone in a detached house and you could probably murder me quite happily without the neighbours noticing anything amiss. In hotels, however, I have so often been treated to hearing exactly what the people next door are doing that I feel quite comfortable that were I to scream I’d have three corridors’ worth of people at least asking themselves if anything was wrong.

About the only safety precaution I do try to do as a lone female is not to sleep in a ground floor room if possible, but most hotels know that and don’t put lone females on the ground floor, and actually I’m not that bothered anyway.

Definitely go, OP, and if it’s about a hobby you’ll definitely meet people you connect with. Have a great time, get pissed (or snort coke) and hook up. If you can’t do it when you’re in your 20s when can you? Probably not when you’re in your 40s and staying at bleak premier inns for work…

It is a perfectly reasonable thing to do. Just go ahead with it and have a great time.

I've been to hotels on my own. No issues at all. I've even visited the restaurants and had breakfast or dinner by myself. No issues.

My 26 year old DD currently does the same for work. Again, no issues that I have heard of.

I think that your parents have made you rather fearful.
You don't really need their permission/approval for something like this do you? Less detail means less potential for flaw finding, which must be off putting.

You know friends at the event. You've planned everything in detail. It all sounds reasonable and sensible. You've got your mobile and people know where you are.

I hope this event gives you some confidence in yourself.

Another thing you could do is find a local self defense class which will help you walk with more confidence and worry less.