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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stay at conference hotel alone

202 replies

norfolkbroads · 22/05/2022 15:44

In a few weeks I am going to a conference/weekend event related to a hobby of mine. It's just over an hour away from where I live with my parents (I'm early 20s) while I'm saving to move out. The event lasts a couple of days and I had originally planned to drive back and forth each day. However, I have now booked a single room in a hotel near to the conference venue as I got a good deal and not having to travel will enable me to get more from the conference.

AIBU to consider staying there alone? I have friends who will also be attending the conference, so I will be with them during it, but they will not be staying with me at the hotel for the two nights. My parents are still pretty involved in what I'm up to (a slight bone of contention on my part!) but I haven't told them about my plans yet as I am worried they will be anxious about it and try to discourage me. The hotel is in a safe area and has good reviews online.

OP posts:
LittleEsme · 22/05/2022 17:39

I'd be happier knowing you were spending less time on the road after long days at your conference.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 22/05/2022 17:42

Apologies if I've offended both of you but it is honestly something I've never heard of or considered before. And yes, I have stayed in hotels in the UK and abroad a lot. By myself. And it's great. You great to starfish in the bed, drink wine with you dinner, read a book and generally not give a shit about anyone else!

I just don't understand why a mid-20s woman is so scared of having a meal or drink by herself.

orwellwasright · 22/05/2022 17:44

Can you go to the restaurant if you take your special rubber wedge with you for protection?

coffeecupsandfairylights · 22/05/2022 17:44

DontBlameMe79 · 22/05/2022 17:13

I’m surprised such simple precautions got such a reaction as it really is standard advice and I was trying to be helpful to a new traveller. It may be unpalatable that we should need to take precautions - I find it objectionable myself, but better that than a possibility life changing experience.

It’s called taking responsibility for your own safety and well-being rather than drifting along hoping everything will be alright.

I don’t get MN sometimes. Endless threads about how we cant trust men then ones like this that basically say you can trust a hotel full of boozed up male conference delegates on their first post COVID trip away from their DPs. Naive would be an understatement.

It's not standard advice in the slightest, lol. It's just the workings of someone who is incredibly paranoid.

What do you think will happen to you in a hotel restaurant or bar?
Why do you need to carry a wedge to put under a locked hotel door?
Why can't you have a drink?
Or just go and park your car?

Honestly, the way some people live their lives never ceases to amaze me, lol.

AngelinaFibres · 22/05/2022 17:45

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 22/05/2022 17:42

Apologies if I've offended both of you but it is honestly something I've never heard of or considered before. And yes, I have stayed in hotels in the UK and abroad a lot. By myself. And it's great. You great to starfish in the bed, drink wine with you dinner, read a book and generally not give a shit about anyone else!

I just don't understand why a mid-20s woman is so scared of having a meal or drink by herself.

Perhaps Ops parents are of the school of thought that only tarts go into bars alone. That a woman in a restaurant alone is on the pull. Perhaps they think a woman should remain a virgin until marriage , dress modestly and not stray far from home. That would explain why staying alone in a hotel would seem ' racy'.

150poundrebate · 22/05/2022 17:45

orwellwasright · 22/05/2022 17:44

Can you go to the restaurant if you take your special rubber wedge with you for protection?

😂

hopeishere · 22/05/2022 17:46

You really need to cut loose a bit from your parents. That level of chancing in isn't normal. Would they suggest coming with you if you let them know in advance? Will there be endless checking in and reassuring them you're ok?

DontBlameMe79 · 22/05/2022 17:46

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 22/05/2022 17:42

Apologies if I've offended both of you but it is honestly something I've never heard of or considered before. And yes, I have stayed in hotels in the UK and abroad a lot. By myself. And it's great. You great to starfish in the bed, drink wine with you dinner, read a book and generally not give a shit about anyone else!

I just don't understand why a mid-20s woman is so scared of having a meal or drink by herself.

No offence.

And doing everything you mention will probably be ok. The precautions are all about risk minimisation, not saying bad things will definitely happen if they are not followed.

Everything will probably be fine. Probably.

coffeecupsandfairylights · 22/05/2022 17:48

orwellwasright · 22/05/2022 17:44

Can you go to the restaurant if you take your special rubber wedge with you for protection?

😂

orwellwasright · 22/05/2022 17:48

Tell you what... You are far safer eating in a restaurant with other guests and staff around than ordering room service.

If someone has got nefarious intentions (and according to some it's 50/50) then it would be much more advantageous to commandeer the room service trolley and overpower you when you open the door to retrieve it than try to sexually assault you in the middle of the dining room.

So the advice given by the employer up thread was shit.

catsonahottinroof · 22/05/2022 17:49

It sounds like a great break to me, Op, go for it!

DontBlameMe79 · 22/05/2022 17:51

orwellwasright · 22/05/2022 17:48

Tell you what... You are far safer eating in a restaurant with other guests and staff around than ordering room service.

If someone has got nefarious intentions (and according to some it's 50/50) then it would be much more advantageous to commandeer the room service trolley and overpower you when you open the door to retrieve it than try to sexually assault you in the middle of the dining room.

So the advice given by the employer up thread was shit.

Actually some do advise that you should request a female person to deliver your room service. I’ve never done this myself but it’s a good thought that you offer.

150poundrebate · 22/05/2022 17:52

DontBlameMe79 · 22/05/2022 17:51

Actually some do advise that you should request a female person to deliver your room service. I’ve never done this myself but it’s a good thought that you offer.

Show quote history

Jesus Christ.

She was being sarcastic. What is this? Who lives like this?!

Stravaig · 22/05/2022 17:54

As a reality check, OP - I'd just turned 17 when I left home for good, headed for University. Six months later I travelled around Europe for a month, staying in all kinds of cheap and interesting places. At 18 I was living and studying in Cairo. This was in the late 80's. Your question seems rather quaint to me!

What are you worried might happen? You can wedge something under your door if you have concerns about security overnight.

maddy68 · 22/05/2022 17:57

Why is this an issue? I stay by myself in hotels regularly

orwellwasright · 22/05/2022 18:01

DontBlameMe79 · 22/05/2022 17:51

Actually some do advise that you should request a female person to deliver your room service. I’ve never done this myself but it’s a good thought that you offer.

Show quote history

So who's gonna protect the female trolley pusher, huh? She's a lone woman in a hotel. It's 50/50 she'll be dead by morning.

Ponderingwindow · 22/05/2022 18:01

this Is absolutely bizarre. At 24 I had a job involving tons of travel and stays in random hotels, sometimes in random countries on very little notice and this was long before Google translate.

Even if you just turned 20, you can drive an hour and stay at a conference hotel by yourself. Your parents need to relax.

Hellfire2 · 22/05/2022 18:01

You are an adult, you need to cut those apron strings

Natural for parents to be concerned about their offspring but early 20's they need to let you do your thing.

Crankley · 22/05/2022 18:04

DontBlameMe79's you're being totally ridiculous. Funniest thing I've read on here for ages. OP, please ignore.

Nor do you have tell your parents long enough in advance so they can 'get used to it'. You're an adult now and as such, don't need your parent's approval. If you don't put a stop to this now, you are going to be in for a life of misery while they continue to rule your life.

orwellwasright · 22/05/2022 18:04

This hotel's all a bit James Bond isn't it? I was imagining a Premier or whatnot but, no, we've got DANGER at every turn.

GregBrawlsInDogJail · 22/05/2022 18:04

This is standard advice in the corporate world and I follow it without any great burden or inconvenience. It’s all just common sense.

How... completely bizarre and paranoid. I've taken dozens of business trips in many countries globally and never, ever have I done any of this. Hide in your barricaded room and don't emerge to eat or drink. Fuck no.

SheilaWilcox · 22/05/2022 18:04

Snort some coke and get laid - you'll have a great time.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 22/05/2022 18:05

This thread is possibly where MN jumps the shark.

First, an adult woman asking if she is being unreasonable to stay in a hotel and secondly, the list of things that women staying in hotels alone should apparently be doing to ensure their safety.

WTF is all this?

chaiformeplease · 22/05/2022 18:06

I stay in hotels a lot for work OP, and have done for 20+ years. Enjoy eating wherever you want to - room service can be a great treat (dinner and breakfast!) but going down to the restaurant can also be fun - take a book or phone to read or you’ll finish your meal in five minutes! The advice about not having a ground floor room is so that if it’s warm you can sleep with the windows open without worrying about it … you want to enjoy your stay, and your sleep!

Have fun!

Crankley · 22/05/2022 18:07

orwellwasright
So who's gonna protect the female trolley pusher, huh? She's a lone woman in a hotel. It's 50/50 she'll be dead by morning.

Well obviously you can't have female trolley pushers roaming the hotel, they will have to have chaperones, who in turn will need chaperones and so on. 😄