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Original poster

To regret adopting the cat after a day

115 replies

chatterbug22 · 21/05/2022 16:35

I feel terribly guilty even writing this.

it was something that was really well researched, we spoke to rescues and cat owners, spent hours searching on the internet of dos and donts

We brought home our first cat yesterday, he’s a rescue and he is very affectionate but I am really out my depth. I was the one that wanted a cat, my partner warmed to the idea and now absolutely adores him but though he’s a lovely moggy I just don’t feel the same way.

He meows terribly whenever I shut any doors, kitchen, bedroom, toilet and is very upset when even one of us is out of the lounge. He will scratch at any closed door. He has everything in there to settle himself with including familiar items that have come with him. He has always been around other cats and we have none.

He’s never been outdoors and will need to remain indoors as we live on an estate that is still being built, so would be dangerous for him to go out. My lounge has been taken over by his things (2 beds, cat tree, two litter trays, food dishes) and have tried our hardest to clean and antibac with cat friendly products but the smell of the litter tray remains and is making me feel quite down. I just can’t settle or relax and feel like everywhere is dirty already. I understand it’s par for the course with pets and went into it with this understanding but finding it challenging nonetheless.

I know lots of people love cats and this little sweetheart does deserve the best, but it’s just been a huge culture shock for me. I don’t want to jump the gun, but my heart is saying take him back to rescue. I am avoiding bringing this up with DP as he adores him and would hate for him to be upset.

All not helped by the fact I am unexpectedly very itchy, sneezing a bit and feel quite tight chested.

Please be kind in your advice, it was hard to be honest even to strangers and I acknowledge my feelings probably aren’t fair in this situation.

Just want to do what’s best by everyone.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
PrawnToast5 · 21/05/2022 16:36

It's normal to regret it now, I promise! It gets better.

anotherNCsorryfolks · 21/05/2022 16:37

He's not a dog, don't shut him in one room. My cats have full roam of the house and are much happier - they get aggressive when shut in or shut out of rooms.
They usually like to follow the humans around as a source of comfort. You'll get used to it. Please don't rehome him.

pointythings · 21/05/2022 16:38

You have a choice here: you send him back to the rescue now so that he has a shot at a home with someone who is actually prepared to commit to a cat - including giving the cat time to feel safe and secure in a new place with new people - or you give your head a wobble and give the cat time as described above.

A new animal - especially a rescue - doesn't just settle in and adapt to your routines straight away. It's a two way process and it takes time. If you went into this without realising that, you didn't do your research properly.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 21/05/2022 16:40

move The litter out of the living room and stop shutting him in rooms! Keep him out of your bedroom if you like but otherwise he should be allowed to roam around.

Doveyouknow · 21/05/2022 16:41

I think it's normal to have second thoughts, I certainly did and now adore my cat. I wouldn't have the litter tray in the lounge though - is there somewhere else it could go - bathroom maybe? Also you don't need two (or two cat beds, in my experience most cats shun them in favour of beds / clean washing etc).

LisaSimpson77 · 21/05/2022 16:42

That all sounds completely normal. Your cat will settle down and you will get used to all the new clutter around you. Unfortunately, once you have a pet you do either have to accept that there will be a bit more dirt and mess or do more housework but you do adjust.
RE the itchy/wheeziness. I'm mildly allergic to cats and had a blocked nose for three months when my two kittens first joined us. Now I'm completely fine though, it does all pass. Try not to stress or make any hasty decisions, a period of adjustment is normal.

Isaidnoalready · 21/05/2022 16:42

Cats do not like to eat poop and sleep even drink in one room

Also he is lonely that's why he is following

Giveitall · 21/05/2022 16:43

Take him back. You are obviously allergic & that is unlikely to change & is a good enough reason.

On the other hand it can take a while to bond with an animal so if you’re prepared to keep him for a bit & dose yourself up with antihistamine tablets, it might work out.

Given the allergy situation, don’t let the cat into your bedroom/on bed. You have to have at least one room is cat hair free.

cardibach · 21/05/2022 16:45

Experiment with different kinds of litter and anti bac powders - you’ll find a combination which stops the smell. Also scoop out regularly. It’s the urine in there not the faeces which smells most, so a clumping litter is best so you can remove that cleanly. Why 2 litter trays for one cat?
as for the scratching, I keep all doors open except ones I really care about, so my bedroom door is always closed, plus the bathroom when I’m in there or when the window is open after a shower. They get used to it and stop asking to be let in if you persist not letting them! As all other doors are open the are fine.
if you possibly ca, build a ‘catio’ for him to have some outside space - mine is directly outside the back door which means I do t constantly worry about them shooting out when I open the back door.
He may be clingy at first but should settle down and be ok about people moving about after a while. Could be a long whole - months - or much quicker. I have 2 rescues. One hid under a cupboard for a couple of days but now is a real lap cat. The other was clingy and fussy at first then stopped having anything to do with me for months. Now she spends all the time I’m on the sofa on or next to me.
Regret at first is normal though. It’s a big change to your routines and responsibilities. (Having said all that if you actually are allergic you don’t have much choice).

Poppyseed14 · 21/05/2022 16:45

He will be fine with one litter tray. We have 2 cats that share one tray and they are fine. Ours is in the living room as there is no other place it can realistically go and we shut them in there with it at night. Some litter smells awful. We now use after much trial and error Everclean. The trick is keep it deep and topped up and empty the poo and the wee lumps daily. Give it a while longer OP. Remember he's in a strange environment and will take a while to settle.

Bonjovispjs · 21/05/2022 16:46

Poor boy, he's scared, you haven't even given him time to settle in yet! I know the smell of a litter tray isn't pleasant, but all those cleaning products will be getting rid of his natural scent which will be a comfort to him! Obviously I'm not saying don't clean the litter tray, but maybe don't clean it so vigorously just yet.
Make sure he has a safe space to hide if he's nervous, he'll settle down, but one day is no time at all and would be really cruel to give up on him so soon!
I foster cats from my local rescue and I'm currently on my 31st cat, they do actually advise keeping them in one room to start with! I've done this many times, it does get better and cats are brilliant so it will be worth it😊

Caterina99 · 21/05/2022 16:48

It’s not been long. He needs more time clearly to settle into his new home!

Is he only in the lounge? My cat hates being trapped in a room (we keep her in the kitchen for nighttime, which she is used to, but will be out like a shot on a morning)

I have several cat owning friends and none of us have the litter tray in the main living area. Also I find a covered tray really helps with the smell. Mine is in my downstairs loo. I’ve never had a cat sleep in a purchased bed (they prefer anywhere else!) and as long as he doesn’t need to escape up high, like from a dog or small children then a cat tree isn’t really necessary either if you hate it!

However if you really can’t deal and feel that you’re allergic, then I’d rehome asap to minimise the disruption to the poor cat!

I have cat allergies and I find any time in a new house that I get symptoms and then I presumably build up a tolerance after a few days. I have antihistamines though if needed

GiltEdges · 21/05/2022 16:49

Giveitall · 21/05/2022 16:43

Take him back. You are obviously allergic & that is unlikely to change & is a good enough reason.

On the other hand it can take a while to bond with an animal so if you’re prepared to keep him for a bit & dose yourself up with antihistamine tablets, it might work out.

Given the allergy situation, don’t let the cat into your bedroom/on bed. You have to have at least one room is cat hair free.

The OP isn't "obviously" allergic. Her symptoms may well be psychosomatic.

Feel very sorry for the cat in this situation, but you obviously don't have the patience or empathy required to be a pet owner OP, particularly to a rescue animal, so I'd return him now and absolutely do not make this mistake again.

Subbaxeo · 21/05/2022 16:51

I disagree with advice to let him roam. Cats need to feel secure, so keep him in confined in one room for a few days with food, litter tray and toys. It doesn’t have to be the living room-I wouldn’t like a tray in there either. Why does he need 2 trays? Sit quietly with him and let him come to you. Get a lidded cat tray with a charcoal filter. I use the catsan smartpack litter as it comes bagged which you just open out, then wee gets absorbed by the nappy like lining and you just have to clean his solid waste. Distract him with a bit of string. Spray a toy with catnip and see if he likes it. But don’t let him roam around until he’s more settled as he will be very anxious. Give him a place to hide in the room, a cardboard box, behind the sofa etc so he can go there and watch who comes into the room. If you give you and him time, you might find it’s actually rather nice to have a furry companion. If he’s going to be an indoor cat for a while, make sure he gets played with and has plenty of scratching posts. Those catit toys with balls they can’t get out are a good distraction. Good luck and let us know how you get on!

To regret adopting the cat after a day
HardRockOwl · 21/05/2022 16:54

He doesn't need two litter trays or two beds - or indeed any beds! I'd move this stuff out of your living room as it all sounds pretty gross

He doesn't need to be locked in one room. Just let him explore and put the litter tray somewhere more hygienic than your living room

pictish · 21/05/2022 16:55

Culture shock? A couple of cat beds, bowls and a litter tray?

What are you on about??

pictish · 21/05/2022 16:56

chatterbug22 · 21/05/2022 16:35

I feel terribly guilty even writing this.

it was something that was really well researched, we spoke to rescues and cat owners, spent hours searching on the internet of dos and donts

We brought home our first cat yesterday, he’s a rescue and he is very affectionate but I am really out my depth. I was the one that wanted a cat, my partner warmed to the idea and now absolutely adores him but though he’s a lovely moggy I just don’t feel the same way.

He meows terribly whenever I shut any doors, kitchen, bedroom, toilet and is very upset when even one of us is out of the lounge. He will scratch at any closed door. He has everything in there to settle himself with including familiar items that have come with him. He has always been around other cats and we have none.

He’s never been outdoors and will need to remain indoors as we live on an estate that is still being built, so would be dangerous for him to go out. My lounge has been taken over by his things (2 beds, cat tree, two litter trays, food dishes) and have tried our hardest to clean and antibac with cat friendly products but the smell of the litter tray remains and is making me feel quite down. I just can’t settle or relax and feel like everywhere is dirty already. I understand it’s par for the course with pets and went into it with this understanding but finding it challenging nonetheless.

I know lots of people love cats and this little sweetheart does deserve the best, but it’s just been a huge culture shock for me. I don’t want to jump the gun, but my heart is saying take him back to rescue. I am avoiding bringing this up with DP as he adores him and would hate for him to be upset.

All not helped by the fact I am unexpectedly very itchy, sneezing a bit and feel quite tight chested.

Please be kind in your advice, it was hard to be honest even to strangers and I acknowledge my feelings probably aren’t fair in this situation.

Just want to do what’s best by everyone.

Why on earth have you got two litter trays in your sitting room?

pictish · 21/05/2022 16:57

Didn’t mean to quote you there, sorry.

coffeecupsandfairylights · 21/05/2022 16:58

Are you actually having allergies or do you think it's a panicky reaction to the cat being in your home?

I know many rescues advise confining cats to one room at first, but it's not the right thing for all cats - yours is clearly unhappy, so please give him the run of your home where possible. Ours can go anywhere - the only room they're not allowed access to is our bedroom at night, otherwise they have free range.

If the cat is going to be indoors only, it's especially important he has as much space as you can possibly give him, with lots of hideaways and high up places.

The litter trays shouldn't smell and shouldn't be kept in the same room as his food either - cats are fastidiously clean animals. Food and water should always be separate to their litter, and many cats like their food and water separate too.

thecatsthecats · 21/05/2022 16:59

Cats do not need beds, trees or multiple litter trays. We always have two cats and they always use the same one. Donate all the extras, let the cat move around the house, and relocate the litter tray and food bowls from the lounge.

One year ago, the ginger chonk sitting opposite me was still desperately scared of everything. Now he's such a happy and loving cat. So much more rewarding.

Oldfilmsareshit · 21/05/2022 17:01

Why do you have so many litter trays and beds. I have one litter tray in bathroom, no bed as she sleeps anywhere….

ClumpingBambooIsALie · 21/05/2022 17:02

I looked after someone's house and cats for a summer and though they were sweet animals and I got reasonably fond of them, I never got past the feeling that every surface was contaminated no matter how much I cleaned, I never got used to them following me round and scratching at doors, and my cat allergies only got worse. I was relieved to give them up after those few weeks/months and couldn't imagine having a cat long-term.

You need to consider the possibility that how you feel now is something that isn't going to change, and if you keep the cat you'll have to give it the best life you can for many more years even while feeling like this. I don't think there's any shame in a failed adoption, or at least, it's less shame than letting the cat settle in and then deciding you can't keep it, and you're the person best-placed to know whether you're likely to feel differently in future or not.

SoftSheen · 21/05/2022 17:02

You don't need to have litter trays and food bowls in your living room, move them somewhere more suitable. You could also have just one cat bed in the living room and one elsewhere (many cats like to be somewhere up high, like on top of a wardrobe). When we got our cat we got her two lovely beds, of different types- she rejected them both and made it very clear that she was only going to sleep either on the sofa, or on our bed!

Your cat has only just arrived and it's not surprising she is being a bit demanding. Once she's settled in she will probably get calmer and more confident and will be happier to do her own thing. Just give her time :)

holdthepineappleextracheese · 21/05/2022 17:03

give it back and don’t get another pet ffs

Harvey2022 · 21/05/2022 17:04

You can’t shut doors when you have cats. Especially when they’re not going outside. Would you like to be confined to one room?

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