To regret adopting the cat after a day

[chatterbug22]

I feel terribly guilty even writing this.

it was something that was really well researched, we spoke to rescues and cat owners, spent hours searching on the internet of dos and donts

We brought home our first cat yesterday, he’s a rescue and he is very affectionate but I am really out my depth. I was the one that wanted a cat, my partner warmed to the idea and now absolutely adores him but though he’s a lovely moggy I just don’t feel the same way.

He meows terribly whenever I shut any doors, kitchen, bedroom, toilet and is very upset when even one of us is out of the lounge. He will scratch at any closed door. He has everything in there to settle himself with including familiar items that have come with him. He has always been around other cats and we have none.

He’s never been outdoors and will need to remain indoors as we live on an estate that is still being built, so would be dangerous for him to go out. My lounge has been taken over by his things (2 beds, cat tree, two litter trays, food dishes) and have tried our hardest to clean and antibac with cat friendly products but the smell of the litter tray remains and is making me feel quite down. I just can’t settle or relax and feel like everywhere is dirty already. I understand it’s par for the course with pets and went into it with this understanding but finding it challenging nonetheless.

I know lots of people love cats and this little sweetheart does deserve the best, but it’s just been a huge culture shock for me. I don’t want to jump the gun, but my heart is saying take him back to rescue. I am avoiding bringing this up with DP as he adores him and would hate for him to be upset.

All not helped by the fact I am unexpectedly very itchy, sneezing a bit and feel quite tight chested.

Please be kind in your advice, it was hard to be honest even to strangers and I acknowledge my feelings probably aren’t fair in this situation.

Just want to do what’s best by everyone.

@chatterbug22 When CP suggest keeping him in a room, they mean out of the way so he can get used to just this part of his surroundings. A living room that you are sharing and going in and out of will be really stressful, that's why he's miaowing so much. He will settle but you need to give him some time, and that's more than one day.

Is there a spare bedroom that you can agree not to use just for 2-3 days? Pop his stuff, one bed, the scratch post and litter tray in there with him. Sit in there with him, let him come to you. Talk gently to him. Let him rub his scent over you and over the room. Same for your OH.

After a couple of days open the door and sit on the landing. Let him explore that area and the rest of the house if he wants. But that room remains his safe space to return to if he's stressed.

Give him a few days, he sounds like he has a lovely temperament and will be a lovely companion once he's realised this is home.

Put the litter tray in the toilet , why would you leave it in the lounge ?
Cats are quite needy but I'm sure he will calm down .

You cannot have done much research if you expected him to be settled in less than a day!

your lounge needs ventilation, no cat food/litter trays. If you're all closed in there it's no wonder your body is having a reaction.

Your expectations are unreasonable.

Cats don't like to eat near their litter tray, so move one out of the living room.

Why are you shutting doors on him? If you’ve got a rescue cat who’s already wanting to integrate and explore then you’re very lucky! Extra double plus points for him being affectionate and vocal this early on!

My rescue took six weeks before he’d even come in the same room as us, he spent the first two weeks with us living under the kitchen cabinets covered in cobwebs. About three weeks in I couldn’t even have reliably told you what colour he was, so little time had we spent with him! But he’s now the loveliest, friendliest, most-attached little bebè, he fills my heart with joy with his chatting and chirping and affection, but maybe I feel that way because we had to work so hard for his love and trust. Now he happily sleeps all day on our bed while we’re out or downstairs.

Why is all the stuff in the living room? You could keep his food or his litter in the kitchen or dining room or hallway or wherever.

I know for a fact my cat climbs on the worktops, as he sometimes does it excitedly in front of us when he sees someone getting the ham out of the fridge, but I just spray them and wipe down with anti bac morning and night, and before every food/drink preparation task. His litter gets stuck between his toes when he steps out of his litter box, so it ends up scattered on the dining room floor (laminate), we just hoover it up and mop the floor regularly and it’s fine. When he first came to us he was a bit grubby and his fur colour looked so much darker, but once he settled he started grooming and caring for himself and he’s so beautifully glossy and fluffy, and now a pale grey with a white tummy. I love the smell of his little cat head and I’m always kissing the top of it.

I think you’re going to have to relax and adapt to this new life of sharing your home with an animal. You will fall in love with him, given time.

Going to add to the suggestion not to keep him in one room. We were also advised this when we had our last rescue cat, but it was obvious really quickly that he was super confident and keen to explore. So we let him explore and he was very happy.

I also spent the first week after her arrived slightly panicked at what I'd done. Which is particularly stupid because I'm not new to cats. I was just feeling a bit overly anxious and was worried that maybe he wouldn't settle. Actually he settled perfectly, I love him to pieces, and he is just the best cat in the world. Give yourself a bit of time to adjust.

Also, take an antihistamine, you’ll probably get desensitised to him after a while.

We've always let the new cat wander round and explore the house, no closed doors, if they wanted to although some books do say to keep to a room. Our first cat was happy all over, the second one hid in a spare room for a week or so and the current one squeezed herself into the smallest possible space for 24 hours then decided she liked our company. They need time to adjust.

Mine is also very needy but he has calmed down now he's settled in with us. He's now delightfully soppy and affectionate rather than a constant limpet.

We got a rescue cat and shut him in the kitchen the 1st night as per one of the cat advice websites like you describe with all that he needed. He clawed the door and was generally hating life. Never again, from then on, he was allowed roam of the house. We never close any doors, they are always open at least a jar for him to get through. Our cat spent the first fortnight under the spare bed during the day and would only come out at night. I worked from home full time when we got him and moved my laptop to the spare room. I'd sit there all day and sometimes speak to the cat and give him a few treats under the bed. Eventually he started coming out. Four years on he is the most loving cat. For the sake of the cat I think you should decide quickly if you can keep him.

Our cat was a lit happier once we installed a cat flap and allowed him to do pretty much as he pleased. Yes, we live near a main road, but I figured I'd rather he live his life as he wants. He runs indoors if a van or lorry comes past the house, scaredy cat

This would have been terrible advice with every single cat I've ever known.
they also advise keeping cats inside for 2 weeks when you move but mine have never made it past 4 days before getting out and finding their way back. Pinch of salt!!

We adopted a 9 year old indoor cat from a rescue centre a month ago. We’ve never had a cat before although my daughters’s cat used to stay with us sometimes so I knew how to care for her. The first night she cried all night because she didn’t know where she was, who we were or what was going on. We ended up putting a night light on for her and that seemed to help.

She has the run of the house, except for a couple of rooms that I want to keep cat free. We’re letting her take it at her own pace, allow her to have quiet time to sleep wherever and whenever she wants, and she now follows us around and jumps on my lap for a fuss.

We have the clumping litter and honestly there is no smell. The only thing that bothers me is the fur, which gets on everything although she is short-haired. She’s not keen on being groomed but I’m working on it. I also want to clip the tips of her claws as she catches them on carpets etc. That will take some time I think.

It is a bit of a shock, but we already see her as part of the family.

We got our M/F cats from CPL and were adviced to keep them in one room for the first week as our male would be overwhelmed by too much change .
He literallly flung himself under the coffee table on arrival and stayed there for the first few days ( we know he came out to eat/drink/poo , I got my DS to sleep on the sofa the first night )

All the advice is 1 tray per cat+ 1 extra , any questions on Litter Tray about cats' toilets will always be answered with How many trays ? What litter ?

I have a huge underbed tray and a covered tray and use Cats Best litter .

My Top Tip is change him ( gradually , over a few weeks) to GRAIN FREE .
My cats pooh smells much less (though I have the talent of being able to smell the tray when no-one else has )

And come over to "Litter Tray - Pets" chatter

You are lucky to have an affectionate cat . Ours will sit by us , and help DH when he WFH but I wouldn't call them cuddly .
They have improved tremendously in the 3 years they've lived with us .
They like routine . Feed time , play time , knowing their tray is to their liking

MaleCat is still terrified by change . Even a visitor to the house has him heading to the catdoor !

My rescue had already been adopted once and given back because he was too nervous and they didn’t think they could fix him (or he didn’t immediately provide them with the warm fuzzy cat owning experience that they had envisaged). When I got him, I just knew in my heart of hearts that we had to all make it work together because I was absolutely not prepared for him to be sent back again, he was my responsibility now, come what may and I’m so, so glad that I stuck with it.

It might sound ridiculous to non cat-people but I thank my lucky stars that I ended up with this one specific sweet little cat out of all the millions of other cats on earth.

It took our cat about 3 weeks to start to settle.

Be patient op. If they've been in a rescue for a while it will take them time.

Our boy is the absolute best baby ever. It just takes time!

We call a closed door a cat summoning device as one will always come to the door the second you close it😆
We got a rescue about 12 years ago. We had to keep her in our bedroom as we had another cat. The 2am digging to China in the litter tray to have a very stinky poo was fun not
We kept her in there for about 3 weeks or so before letting her explore the house. It took a long time for our other cat to tolerate her, and sadly right up until he died earlier this year, they were never friends.
A day is not long enough to decide for sure. I would do as suggested and open up the doors and let him wander more. They hate to have food, water and litter near each other, so that might be making him more anxious than expected which is why he is following you a lot more than you thought he might.
Give it at least a week before you decide for sure

i adopted a cat 18mths ago. at the time she was roughly 16mths old. there is the advice to shut in one room, but i think it depends on the cat. i never did it with my cat. she had free rein of my flat from day 1(had she struggled with that then i would of course of done the one safe room thing)
some cats hide when they first come home. but my one was the opposite- she was very clingy to me, and needed the reassurance of being around me. so she wasnt comfortable remaining in a room while i went into another one(even for 2mins haha) and so she would follow me where ever i went, she was very needy. but she soon adapted and that became less and less. she still follows me now-but its out of pure noseyness and not out of the neediness it was in the first wk or so. and if she decides what i am doing is boring, she will wander away again or lie down somewhere she can watch me(if i am cooking etc)

i am allergic to cats- this is something i knew beforehand. the is food you can get by purina that helps limit that. it takes 3-4wks, but then it helps reduce it by up to 49%. it doesnt work for everyone, but it helped me. i did take antihistamines daily for the first month, and then just took them as and when needed after that but it soon became where i didnt need to do that any more

I have 4, all rescues. I got the first 2 last June, as a bonded pair. The boy was very peopley from the off, happy to cuddle, would sit next to us. The girl (born feral) spent her first 6 weeks living under the stairs - got food there, water there, would only leave to use the litter tray. Very, very gradually she started to explore - we left the option open. She goes everywhere in the house now, is still very reserved but I had to get her to the vet today for vaccine boosters and once I caught her (which was a workout) she was perfect - no attempt to bite or scratch at all. She's an independent one.

Our second two we've had since late February, two brothers, now 8 months old. They're real cuddly lap cats, very socialised. Did introductions by the book using scent swapping etc. but first introduction went so well we accelerated it and all 4 now live happily together.

We have a litter tray each, feed either in the kitchen or the corridor depending on need, water is elsewhere again. No room is off limits except the one loo that doesn't have a lid because newer cat 1 is an idiot who is fascinated by water and I don't want to risk him falling in.

For those saying you don't need cat trees - no, you don't. But some cats really love them, mine do. I have two, all focused on sleeping/hiding places and scratching posts. They're great.

I have one cat bed that they all sleep in at times, the rest of the time they sleep everywhere else in the house. All cats are different.

But what you need above all else is patience.

Our Female cat sees as closed door as an atrosity and an insult to her eyes .
Even though the Pantry (in case she took mice in there ) or the Utility (in case she got stuck behind the washing machine) we out of bounds , of course she got into both.(and went down the side of the WM but came back out )

Then the enclosed porch . (They have the catdoor but not allowed out the front door)
DH let her in the porch because She wanted to look round
<sigh>

Poor thing. How would you feel if you were suddenly put in a strange environment with no means of being able to get out?

I think you need to think long & hard about whether now you’ve experienced it are you prepared to share your home with an animal that will be eating sleeping & defecating in your home, with no means of being able to do any of that outdoors.

I’m personally don’t think it’s in a cat’s best interests to be kept indoors full time but if it’s all this cat has ever known then it’s beside the point.

It’s responsible of you actually to admit you’re having doubts, because at least then you can save him further stress & upheaval & give him the chance of another home sooner rather than later.

Be sure that if you do keep him you kit your home out with hideaways & high up spaces as your 4 walls will be his whole world. He needs to be able to be a cat in that environment. This may be at odds with how you’d like your home interiors to look & how you want to live.

Wow youve not even given the poor thing a day to settle in, best if you rehome now

We have two cats and so have two litter trays and both are covered and have charcoal filters, two beds and one cat tree. They decided that one litter was mostly for one end and the other tray mostly for the other. With one cat though one tray is enough. The only time they use their beds is overnight as we got into bad habits when they were kittens and now they want to constantly sleep in the same room as us. Using a water pistol though we trained them not to use our bed.

They follow us all over the flat and when we get home from work they are waiting by the door for us. Cats are social creatures who need attention and acknowledgment. That can be just talking to them right up to letting them climb on you. Mog is not a lap cat but insists on sitting on my shoulder where as Meg loves being in the room with us and occasionally sitting beside us but won’t climb on us. Meg is at the moment on the living room floor, on her back with all four paws in the air. Mog is on my shoulder.

A cat tree is a good thing and ours stands 190cm tall. Meg and Mog like to use it when strangers come to the house. Cats are nosy by their very nature and it allows them to see what is going on in their house whilst feeling that nobody can touch them.

I would give it a bit longer as getting a cat is definitely a huge change in life but after four years DH and I wouldn’t change it

Rather unkind. OP is trying to do the right thing.