To regret adopting the cat after a day

[chatterbug22]

I feel terribly guilty even writing this.

it was something that was really well researched, we spoke to rescues and cat owners, spent hours searching on the internet of dos and donts

We brought home our first cat yesterday, he’s a rescue and he is very affectionate but I am really out my depth. I was the one that wanted a cat, my partner warmed to the idea and now absolutely adores him but though he’s a lovely moggy I just don’t feel the same way.

He meows terribly whenever I shut any doors, kitchen, bedroom, toilet and is very upset when even one of us is out of the lounge. He will scratch at any closed door. He has everything in there to settle himself with including familiar items that have come with him. He has always been around other cats and we have none.

He’s never been outdoors and will need to remain indoors as we live on an estate that is still being built, so would be dangerous for him to go out. My lounge has been taken over by his things (2 beds, cat tree, two litter trays, food dishes) and have tried our hardest to clean and antibac with cat friendly products but the smell of the litter tray remains and is making me feel quite down. I just can’t settle or relax and feel like everywhere is dirty already. I understand it’s par for the course with pets and went into it with this understanding but finding it challenging nonetheless.

I know lots of people love cats and this little sweetheart does deserve the best, but it’s just been a huge culture shock for me. I don’t want to jump the gun, but my heart is saying take him back to rescue. I am avoiding bringing this up with DP as he adores him and would hate for him to be upset.

All not helped by the fact I am unexpectedly very itchy, sneezing a bit and feel quite tight chested.

Please be kind in your advice, it was hard to be honest even to strangers and I acknowledge my feelings probably aren’t fair in this situation.

Just want to do what’s best by everyone.

The only unreasonable thing here is you getting the poor cat in the first place. It’s been one day and you’re already wanting to hand it back after it’s probably had a lifetime of upheaval already?!

You obviously had no insight into what having an animal entails and I very much doubt you done any research either!

Sounds like an impulse thing that you’ve done and now this poor animal will pay the price, I would find someone committed and a bit more experienced to have this cat and not get another one if I was you.

In that case I do understand! 😄

Too true! Our cats positively mug the postman for the amazon boxes

The advice to keep cats shut in one room when you first get them home is given often... but its often not right for individual cats.

It is given because a nervous worried cat is likely to wee/poo in the wrong places, and is more likely to escape and get lost outdoors if given more freedom whilst nervous, with people un-used to keeping doors/windows closed. These are things that for fairly obvious reasons, rescue's don't want happening.

OP - I would get feliway diffusers for several rooms, these will help keep your cat relaxed.

Invest in litter trays that have covers but are also actually big enough - many on the market are not big enough and actively put a cat off using them. For some v large cats I have put their litter tray in a dog crate (one that can be opened from above, fabric style crate rather than the metal ones, as its easier to get the tray out later) as these give the cat some shelter but also sufficient room. Some cats can feel too crowded in a small tray, even an uncovered one, even if they're not a large cat!

Experiment with different litters too til you find the one that your cat likes, that limits odour as much as possible.

See if your cat likes catnip, that can really help a cat chill (hehehe).

If he wants to follow and explore, let him, I would supervise too wherever possible, but don't crowd him.

Often just knowing whats where and where people disappear to can help an animal settle without them necessarily having free range all the time.

Mild itchy/sneezy stuff is not unusual and should go away once you are used to the cat, it normally takes me a few days to get used to a new cat or dog.

It is also normal that all that planning and prep to take in and take care for a small creature that needs you, triggers the production of oxytocin which can then make you feel rather odd, a bit doom and gloom and OMG WHAT DID WE DO... again, it goes away so hang in there.

This feeling will pass. Soon your cat will be as familiar as an old item of furniture!

Get over it if you can.

I remember my first rescue cat - bless they had me fooled the cat was only 1 year.... Turned out really the cat was far much older then one year, only had under 10 years before it was dying, an experience early hours not to be wished on your enemy. Nearer the time I said I'd never had another but got a kitten as grief was just to much and getting another really helped.

Both had been indoor cats/girls without to much fuss.

Not sure that this particular anecdote is helping the OP.

I had 2 feral kittens that had been born outside and it took a while for them to settle. I lost the last one a year ago at nearly 20. I only know my rehomed cat was in a rescue with her 5 kittens and she'd been left to fend for herself. My advice would be:
•Register your cat with a vet and have a PHC(pet health club) subscription for flea, worming, injections, nail clipping, annual and bi annual check £11:25 monthly at my vets. You'll get advice
•Your cat should be microchipped as part of the plan
•My current cat has a large garden but uses a litter tray with wood pellets from Pets at Home. I sieve it daily, removing faeces as I see them, putting them into a scented bin liner to which I put the wet litter and keep it separate from your rubbish. The litter tray is in the bathroom. I committed the sin of putting faeces down the toilet when I was younger, over 50 years ago.
•My cat is fed on Blink Cat Food and Scrumbles so I don't get smelly poos. Use a Neutrodol spray.
•Take your time with your cat, talk to them, say hello when you come come home, mine is always in my hall.
•One thing mine loves is a cardboard scratching box.
One thing I didn't expect was that both my cat and my neighbour's cat would be terrified of the visiting ducks and ducklings

After 1 day?

YABU, there is no need to be shutting doors on him especially being an indoor cat! Poor little thing

Its been one f-ing day? Give the cat some time to acclimatise. And dont lock it in one room!

And very convenient allergies eey...

Maybe actually return the cat. Sounds like you are not cut out for it.

I'd say to give it a little more time. I think there's absolutely no shame in returning an animal to a rescue if you've given it a week or so and have had no change of heart or turn out to be allergic. However, I think we subconsciously place expectations on how life will be once a new pet arrives. I remember deperately wanting to adopt our greyhound 8 years ago, then the first night wondering what the feck I'd let myself in for when he howled most of the first night. But I wouldn't be without him now. I may be wrong, but I feel like your primary worry/regret is coming from you feeling like you're not enough for your new furry friend, which seems unfounded at this stage.

Could you cat proof garden so he can go Outside but not escape the garden.

Ah. The jolly old one day regrets causing a sudden 'allergy' 16 years into rescue now and I hear this at least twice a day. I prefer the honest ones who say they didn't realise it would have a mind of its own and the children don't like it because it doesn't want to be cuddled 24/7

I was really hoping the OP would come back to us with a progress update, but I don’t think she will now with how this thread has gone. Sad really, not everyone is a born cat whisperer and it does take time to adjust.