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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To regret adopting the cat after a day

115 replies

chatterbug22 · 21/05/2022 16:35

I feel terribly guilty even writing this.

it was something that was really well researched, we spoke to rescues and cat owners, spent hours searching on the internet of dos and donts

We brought home our first cat yesterday, he’s a rescue and he is very affectionate but I am really out my depth. I was the one that wanted a cat, my partner warmed to the idea and now absolutely adores him but though he’s a lovely moggy I just don’t feel the same way.

He meows terribly whenever I shut any doors, kitchen, bedroom, toilet and is very upset when even one of us is out of the lounge. He will scratch at any closed door. He has everything in there to settle himself with including familiar items that have come with him. He has always been around other cats and we have none.

He’s never been outdoors and will need to remain indoors as we live on an estate that is still being built, so would be dangerous for him to go out. My lounge has been taken over by his things (2 beds, cat tree, two litter trays, food dishes) and have tried our hardest to clean and antibac with cat friendly products but the smell of the litter tray remains and is making me feel quite down. I just can’t settle or relax and feel like everywhere is dirty already. I understand it’s par for the course with pets and went into it with this understanding but finding it challenging nonetheless.

I know lots of people love cats and this little sweetheart does deserve the best, but it’s just been a huge culture shock for me. I don’t want to jump the gun, but my heart is saying take him back to rescue. I am avoiding bringing this up with DP as he adores him and would hate for him to be upset.

All not helped by the fact I am unexpectedly very itchy, sneezing a bit and feel quite tight chested.

Please be kind in your advice, it was hard to be honest even to strangers and I acknowledge my feelings probably aren’t fair in this situation.

Just want to do what’s best by everyone.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
badhappening · 21/05/2022 17:04

With respect you are being a bit ignorant regarding animals.
Leave internal doors open.
Do not lock him in a room.
Get a large litter tray with a lid and keep it in the downstairs loo/utility/wherever it's not on display. Make sure he knows where it is.
It will take him 4+ weeks to settle in.
At the moment he's naturally on high alert and very anxious (mixed in with a little bit of excitement).
He will be okay when he's settled, but you cannot accept normality in a day!
Give him time,

Original poster
chatterbug22 · 21/05/2022 17:04

@ClumpingBambooIsALie @SoftSheen

thank you for being so kind and non-judgemental. I feel so guilty for feeling the way I do and want the best for him, he’s a little star, just want the best for everyone

OP posts:
Heronwatcher · 21/05/2022 17:04

Move the litter tray somewhere else definitely. Utility room/ spare room/ cupboard/ bathroom. And have one covered tray and replace the filters regularly. Would it be that dangerous for the cat to be let out? I have had cats next to neighbours who have had extensive building works being done and not really worried. My cats have always tended to stick near our garden. Living with this risk might also be better than re-homing. And I assume once the very close houses are built you’ll be able to let him out. Also I agree with the advice to keep the cat in one room (not with a carpet) for a few days but then after that let them have free rein of the house- we never have any doors to carpeted rooms closed. Cats are fantastic pets- give it a bit longer.

Original poster
chatterbug22 · 21/05/2022 17:05

@badhappening thank you, it was the advice from cats protection to allow him one room to settle in and keep him in there for 3 days min

OP posts:
Original poster
chatterbug22 · 21/05/2022 17:06

@Heronwatcher thank you. Our house is quite small so no other rooms really other than kitchen that he could be, and I wouldn’t want him to be too warm in there as we can’t open windows until he settles obviously. Appreciate the tips

OP posts:
Irishfarmer · 21/05/2022 17:07

@anotherNCsorryfolks whilst my dog spends most of the day in the sitting room at the window sunning himself, he would go mental if I locked him in there! So don't lock dogs in 1 room either.

What made you want a cat? Have you had pets before? They are not toys and take getting used to. He wants to follow you around so let him. My dog is allowed in all the room. He comes into our bedroom (and is able to jump on the bed) but doesn't sleep there. Have you tired to let him come to you at night? My dog was a rescue but a tiny puppy so no issues and wanted us straight away. Your cat might need adjusting. One dog we had growing up had clearly been hit by her 1st owners as she often cowered if you tried to rub her but she eventually got used to us and took over running the house! Never stopped 'crying' to the corry theme tune tho for some reason!!

rainyskylight · 21/05/2022 17:11

I really hate reading about people getting cats when they live in tiny apartments and they won't be going outside :-(

StaunchMomma · 21/05/2022 17:11

Oh my days... it's been A DAY!!!!

'He has everything he needs to settle himself'.....I mean, just wtf, op?!!

He's a CAT, who's just been picked up and plonked somewhere totally alien to him! He's not capable of 'settling himself' like he's an adult human!!

You sound utterly unempathetic and really self-absorbed, frankly.

I hope your DP has more common sense as a pet owner and provides the poor little thing with everything it needs.

newnamethanks · 21/05/2022 17:13

Unbelievable.

catbirddogchild · 21/05/2022 17:14

1, You do not need two litter trays.
So get 1 covered tray with good quality litter ( cats best) move litter tray out of living room, bathroom or somewhere out of the way. You just need to show the cat where it is. Also they do indoor cat food that produces low odor poo!
2, don't shut him in one room , let him roam house. Cats like to move around the house and do not need to be kept in one room.
3, put food and water somewhere more appropriate than your sitting room Ie kitchen floor.
4, you don't need 2 cat beds. Cat will probably sleep on sofa, bed , clean washing anyway. contrary creates that they are its usually where you don't want them to sleep.
5, When building work has settled. on your estate slowly introduce him to your garden.
6, Give the cat time to settle down and trust you.

Original poster
chatterbug22 · 21/05/2022 17:14

@rainyskylight not in a tiny apartment. Lots of cats are indoors it keeps them safer and house cats can live longer.

OP posts:
Original poster
chatterbug22 · 21/05/2022 17:15

@catbirddogchild thank you, this is really helpful.

OP posts:
P1lar · 21/05/2022 17:15

OP, if you don't want the poor cat to follow you around - why did you get a cat???

What did you expect him to do - sit in a corner and read?

How can this be a "culture shock?" It's one cat, not North Korea.

Why are you shutting the cat in rooms? It's enough that the cat is confined to indoors, without shutting him in certain rooms fgs!

The cat will want to sleep with you - probably on your bed. If you can't cope with that, I suggest you rehome him ASAP.

By the way, cats (especially indoor cats) are far cleaner than most humans. Would you stop a human sitting on your furniture? Think about all the public transport and toilets their clothes may have been in.

And don't get an indoor cat and then moan about cat litter. Ridiculous.

cansu · 21/05/2022 17:16

Cats are better outside plus you then won't need loads of dirty smelly litter trays.
They don't need beds and loads of stuff. Our cat has a litter tray for emergencies out of sight in a corner and two bowls. That is it. I put a blanket on a chair for him and he sleeps there. I don't let him in the bedrooms other wise he wanders around downstairs or sits outside.
You are making it harder than it needs to be.

Original poster
chatterbug22 · 21/05/2022 17:16

@StaunchMomma i might have phrased it really badly. I meant he has everything he knows, which is nice for him, hence why it’s okay to keep him in one room as it is also what cats protection suggest to help them feel more secure. All I meant by that. I am feeling guilty enough as it is. He will always have everything he needs, that’s why I care enough to post.

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 21/05/2022 17:18

Get some flat cat things for the windows so you can open them and as others have said let him roam the house . What type of litter are you using ?

Lex345 · 21/05/2022 17:19

Trying to keep a cat in one room might be the advice, but practically isnt working for this cat. He is actively scratching at doors, let him have a bit of freedom. Food bowls in the kitchen. Keep the litter tray well away from his food. Cat litter choice is important, or it will smell. Oko plus cats best is the best I have ever used. Clean it out regularly, use a lidded bix with filter and a little mat for tracking. Cat doesnt need beds, he needd to find where he feels safe to sleep. If he is always going to be an indoor cat though, the cat tree is probably going to be needed. You could also consider building an outdoor cat run for him. Breeders use these all the time and they can be great.

You could also try feliway to help him settle

Holidayroundthecorner · 21/05/2022 17:23

Dcats hate a closed door...
Never kept a new dcat in one room..
Are you sure you researched? A few bowls and dcat essentials shouldn't have come as a shock!

MolkosTeenageAngst · 21/05/2022 17:23

Different cats need different things to settle. Some cats and particularly kittens can be really scared when in a new place and cower under/ behind furniture afraid to come out. In those circumstances it’s sensible to keep everything to one room rather than expect the cat to use a litter box or feeding bowl in another room, however some cats are much braver and don’t need to be kept in one room. It sounds like your friendly and affectionate cat is confident around people and that they are a source of comfort for him, he is clearly indicating that he wants to be let out of the one room so follow his lead and don’t keep shutting him in rooms on his own. In terms of the kitchen I really wouldn’t worry about him overheating, cats have a warmer body temperature than humans and love warm places so he’s not going to get too hot. If he was hot he would just take himself somewhere else.

PuppyMonkey · 21/05/2022 17:23

I’m sometimes a bit sneezy around new cats and take an antihistamine for symptoms. When I’ve had new cats at home I do this for a day or two tops and then find I’m fine.

agree about one covered litter tray in a room far away from your living room. I have a back porch where ours goes, my sister puts hers on a landing. Or maybe the hall. I like World’s Best Cat Litter, expensive but not too smelly.

gamerchick · 21/05/2022 17:24

He's new, he's going to be unsettled. Let him check the house. Escort him from to to room if you want, just let him check his new territory.

Take the litter out of the living room man, madness.

It sounds as if you want people to say to return him. Give him a chance, take an antihistamine.

gotthis · 21/05/2022 17:29

chatterbug22 · 21/05/2022 16:35

I feel terribly guilty even writing this.

it was something that was really well researched, we spoke to rescues and cat owners, spent hours searching on the internet of dos and donts

We brought home our first cat yesterday, he’s a rescue and he is very affectionate but I am really out my depth. I was the one that wanted a cat, my partner warmed to the idea and now absolutely adores him but though he’s a lovely moggy I just don’t feel the same way.

He meows terribly whenever I shut any doors, kitchen, bedroom, toilet and is very upset when even one of us is out of the lounge. He will scratch at any closed door. He has everything in there to settle himself with including familiar items that have come with him. He has always been around other cats and we have none.

He’s never been outdoors and will need to remain indoors as we live on an estate that is still being built, so would be dangerous for him to go out. My lounge has been taken over by his things (2 beds, cat tree, two litter trays, food dishes) and have tried our hardest to clean and antibac with cat friendly products but the smell of the litter tray remains and is making me feel quite down. I just can’t settle or relax and feel like everywhere is dirty already. I understand it’s par for the course with pets and went into it with this understanding but finding it challenging nonetheless.

I know lots of people love cats and this little sweetheart does deserve the best, but it’s just been a huge culture shock for me. I don’t want to jump the gun, but my heart is saying take him back to rescue. I am avoiding bringing this up with DP as he adores him and would hate for him to be upset.

All not helped by the fact I am unexpectedly very itchy, sneezing a bit and feel quite tight chested.

Please be kind in your advice, it was hard to be honest even to strangers and I acknowledge my feelings probably aren’t fair in this situation.

Just want to do what’s best by everyone.

If your heart is telling you to take him back, maybe you should. It hopefully won't be too hard for him if it's only been a day. My cat was hard work as a very wild kitten, but he's 3 now and is out when the weather's nice, we hardly see him. In winter he sleeps on laps and beds. He can't stand us closing the bathroom door either, by the way, and sits outside until we come out. Your cat may get easier but if your heart isn't in it I think you should see what the rescue says, perhaps he has a chance to find a home that will be better for him. How old is the cat?

BarbaraofSeville · 21/05/2022 17:29

chatterbug22 · 21/05/2022 17:05

@badhappening thank you, it was the advice from cats protection to allow him one room to settle in and keep him in there for 3 days min

Are you sure? That sounds quite bizarre and not appropriate for most cats.

I foster rescue cats so have lots of scared rescues coming to live with me and I also advise new owners about setting in when the cats go to their forever home.

The only time we confine to one room is when a pregnant or nursing mother comes to us because she needs somewhere private where she feels safe and won't be disturbed by our cats.

When we have older kittens or adult cats we just let them explore the house and find somewhere to settle down of their own choosing.

Many will hide away for a day or two until they settle in but cats generally hate being confined to one room with the door shut.

Food, water and litter trays all need to be in separate rooms and then just ignore the cat if they're hiding but offer to play with simple toys (eg shoe lace or ping pong or foil ball) with them if they're up and about but not eating or using the litter tray.

Or let them sniff your hand to check you out and offer him Dreamies.

YouWhatLove · 21/05/2022 17:32

The rescue might have suggested keeping him in one room but it’s clearly making him unhappy so you need to let him wander.

Why do you have 2 litter trays in one room? That’s crazy. Unless you are using the awful scented cat litter it absolutely shouldn’t smell of you are cleaning it out after he uses it, which I’m guessing you’re doing if it’s in your sitting room. Are you sure he hasn’t gone somewhere else in the room? It’s not uncommon when cats are put in a new environment. A litter tray in the sitting room is grim though, sorry. Have you got somewhere in the hallway or somewhere that isn’t used so much where you could put it? Or just put it in the bathroom. Put his food and water bowl in the kitchen/ dining room. I wouldn’t want to be smelling cat food in my sitting room either.

Just relax. Your cat clearly already feels comfortable with you to the point he already wants to explore and follow you around. Forget keeping him in one room, it isn’t working for either of you and you’ll both be much happier.

FitAt50 · 21/05/2022 17:33

Oldfilmsareshit · 21/05/2022 17:01

Why do you have so many litter trays and beds. I have one litter tray in bathroom, no bed as she sleeps anywhere….

THIS - I have 2 cats and have 1 cat bed, litter tray, food bowl and cat tree. Don't blame the cat for your buying too much stuff and get rid of the additional items. Put the litter tray in a different room - ours is in the utility room. It will all be fine.