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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not cater for this

281 replies

Just1moreq · 21/05/2022 12:35

I'm cooking for 10 tonight. 5 couples, in the group there is someone who has a nut allergy and someone who has cealiocs (I've never figured the spelling) one of the pairs have just called to say that they are doing vegan weekends to reduce their carbon impact.... They are just checking that somethung tonight will be suitable... I've said it wont but that they are more than welcome to bring stuff. ... Am I being an unreasonable arse?

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 21/05/2022 16:12

Like others have said, they just need to swap their vegan days to another day. It would have been ok to ask earlier in the week and offer to bring something. Last minute demands are out of order.

HangingOver · 21/05/2022 16:12

They ain't vegans. They're idiots.

PurpleDaisies · 21/05/2022 16:14

Most people eat several vegan meals a week, clustering them together under a special weekend umbrella term doesn't make them any more special than the average omnivore.

Do you think so? I’m not sure most people eat that many vegan meals without deliberately trying to. Have I misread what you meant?

Johnnysgirl · 21/05/2022 16:18

PurpleDaisies · 21/05/2022 16:14

Most people eat several vegan meals a week, clustering them together under a special weekend umbrella term doesn't make them any more special than the average omnivore.

Do you think so? I’m not sure most people eat that many vegan meals without deliberately trying to. Have I misread what you meant?

Some people cut down on meat eating for health reasons without declaring themselves vegan, yes.

EmotionalBruises · 21/05/2022 16:18

There's no such thing as weekend vegans. They're either vegan or they're not. As they're doing this facade for two days a week and still consuming animal products, they're not. Tell them to call it plant-based weekends instead.

BarbaraofSeville · 21/05/2022 16:22

Do you never have beans on toast or with baked potatoes?

Porridge or toast? Tomato soup and bread?

Falafels, hummus, pittas and salad?

All vegan and at the same time normal foods that many people eat regularly as a matter of course without being intentionally vegan.

PurpleDaisies · 21/05/2022 16:27

BarbaraofSeville · 21/05/2022 16:22

Do you never have beans on toast or with baked potatoes?

Porridge or toast? Tomato soup and bread?

Falafels, hummus, pittas and salad?

All vegan and at the same time normal foods that many people eat regularly as a matter of course without being intentionally vegan.

Yes but plenty of people put butter and/or cheese on their beans on toast and jacket potatoes, make porridge with milk, serve falafels with yoghurt etc. I’d have soup with bread and butter not just bread. Lots of vegetarian fake meat products (especially quorn) contain egg.

I agree that many meals are unintentionally vegetarian but I doubt many people are eating loads of unintentionally vegan meals.

Original poster
Just1moreq · 21/05/2022 16:29

BarbaraofSeville · 21/05/2022 16:22

Do you never have beans on toast or with baked potatoes?

Porridge or toast? Tomato soup and bread?

Falafels, hummus, pittas and salad?

All vegan and at the same time normal foods that many people eat regularly as a matter of course without being intentionally vegan.

Yeah of course. But Im trying to make sure that 2 people who Have to have restrictions in their diet can eat everything I serve. That way there is no way I can accidentally make them ill.
If I'd have known earlier I would have tried to make sure their choices were a counted for, but I didn't know and I have shopped for and prepared the meal already.

OP posts:
Onwards22 · 21/05/2022 16:29

Nut allergies and Coeliac disease are serious health issues. Veganism is a choice

Absolutely!

If someone was a vegan full time then I would cater to them but PT ones absolutely not!
She can do it during the week instead.

rnsaslkih · 21/05/2022 16:30

Arrogant and selfish to drop a "weekend preference" as a dietary req on the day.

I'd never invite them again. They've revealed exactly how cheeky they are.

JudgeJ · 21/05/2022 16:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Nonsense, nothing 'compassionate' about dropping the news of the 'veganism weekends' with such little notice, selfish better describes it.

Angelou79 · 21/05/2022 16:38

As it’s just the weekend can’t they swap the days & do it Sunday & Monday? Think is bloody cheeky!

Moser85 · 21/05/2022 16:39

What a load of crap. If they really cared about their carbon impact then surely they would see that things need to be pre-planned.

You would have to waste food now and then buy more, which would actually increase the carbon impact. Also go to the shop again, probably using fuel, getting more packaging etc.

So pretentious

JudgeJ · 21/05/2022 16:40

comealongponds · 21/05/2022 13:38

Catering to allergies/coeliac is fine, but you’re under no obligation to cater to someone else’s performative do gooder bullshit, especially when they’ve dumped it on you at the last minute.

Tell them to get a grip or just do vegan Monday/Tuesday instead.

Your first paragraph reminds me of discovering at 10pm on Saturday night that our daughter's French exchange guest was vegan, thirty odd years ago, we'd never even heard the word! On the return visit it transpired that she had only become vegan on the cross channel ferry, at home she ate what her mother served!

SneezesHaveStarted · 21/05/2022 16:40

I came on to say that I hope you told them to make sure whatever vegan dish they bring doesn’t contain any nuts! A cross-contamination issue would be just the last straw….but I’m glad to see they are just going to miss the meal altogether. I’m sorry for you that you’ll have spent more on ingredients than you otherwise needed to, but I’m sure you’ll all enjoy it 😊

Lochjeda · 21/05/2022 16:40

What a fanny, Vegan at the weekend only, why not just do it Sunday and Monday this coming week then instead not to be a pain in the arse at the last minute. Of course that would require brains.

Candleabra · 21/05/2022 16:43

They’re really not coming to the meal at all now? Wow. How ridiculous. Just move the vegan weekend to Sunday/Monday. I swear some people just live to be awkward and make things all about them.
Your meal sounds lovely.

Cherrysoup · 21/05/2022 16:46

I think it’s pretty outrageous to tell you on the day, plus it’s a ‘woke’ choice (they only do weekends, do they want a prize?!), not a requirement.

Moser85 · 21/05/2022 16:51

Also if they were serious about reducing their carbon impact then it's not anywhere near as clear-cut as just cutting out animal products and replacing them with alternatives.

I had to go plant based for a while for dietary purposes and the plant based butter had palm oil in it, I just looked it up and the packaging now says that it's sustainable palm oil, but I would need to look into that to really know what it means and to see if sustainable actually means sustainable....a lot of other things like prepared cous cous had palm oil in it.

I don't know if any of you watched seaspiracy but that really made it clear how labels can be deceiving, such as 'dolphin friendly tuna' not really meaning anything.

So anyone who really wants to reduce their carbon impact would have to do a hell of a lot of research to really understand what labels mean and what things really do reduce their carbon impact.

They could tell you the food has to be vegan and you could go out and buy food that has a terrible carbon impact.

AngelinaFibres · 21/05/2022 16:59

Lysianthus · 21/05/2022 13:33

I feel sorry for you, because you can bet the first hour of conversation will centre around veganism and martyrdom. Suggest a double G&T about half an hour before everyone is due to arrive.

How will you know someone is a vegan....don't worry they'll tell you. 😴

PurpleDaisies · 21/05/2022 17:01

How will you know someone is a vegan....don't worry they'll tell you

If only we could get to the end of a vegan thread without someone posting this cliche as if it’s brand new and funny.

Beautiful3 · 21/05/2022 17:03

I think you could give them roasted vegetables, salad and fruit? I'm sure you'd have that already at home? I'm sure they'd be pleased.

Blueroses99 · 21/05/2022 17:05

BarbaraofSeville · 21/05/2022 16:22

Do you never have beans on toast or with baked potatoes?

Porridge or toast? Tomato soup and bread?

Falafels, hummus, pittas and salad?

All vegan and at the same time normal foods that many people eat regularly as a matter of course without being intentionally vegan.

Would you serve these foods at a dinner party? Most hosts would go to a bit more effort. Also most are not suitable for coeliacs. Vegan alternatives can often contain nuts so catering for a vegan along with a coeliac and a nut allergy takes a bit of planning, and as the OP has already prepared the food, was far too short notice.

2020nymph · 21/05/2022 17:05

Fraaahnces · 21/05/2022 14:16

My DS and I both have different food allergies. I always let people know in advance that we are total nightmares to cater for, and ask if I can please bring food so they’re not stressed out. (I can also relax knowing that nothing has accidentally snuck in.)

Same. Always a relief for both parties if we bring our own food!

Beautiful3 · 21/05/2022 17:10

Actually ignore me. I reread your post and your updates. You've considered their allergies and made an inclusive meal for everyone, which actually sounds delightful. I think they're being massively unreasonable, to adjust your meal planning, this late. Ignore them and serve what you've already bought and prepped. I tried a month of veganism to see if my health improved. If someone was kind enough to cook for me, I'd eat it and resume my diet the next day. They're not hard core vegans, so it's not as important as removing allergy related food.