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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not cater for this

281 replies

Just1moreq · 21/05/2022 12:35

I'm cooking for 10 tonight. 5 couples, in the group there is someone who has a nut allergy and someone who has cealiocs (I've never figured the spelling) one of the pairs have just called to say that they are doing vegan weekends to reduce their carbon impact.... They are just checking that somethung tonight will be suitable... I've said it wont but that they are more than welcome to bring stuff. ... Am I being an unreasonable arse?

OP posts:
Princessoftheuniverse · 21/05/2022 14:47

Wow, you sound delightful. I don't know how you're friends with compassionate people since you clearly aren't in the slightest.

Don’t know about compassionate but they’re certainly thoughtless. You’ve done the right thing OP.

Andouillette · 21/05/2022 14:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

There's nothing 'compassionate about your post, Ms Moral-Highground. It is unkind to try and make OP feel bad for refusing to cater for last minute performance veganism.

Hobnobswantshernameback · 21/05/2022 14:50

For the love of all that is holy can people stop quoting the goady twat
talk about giving them the oxygen of attention

GCAcademic · 21/05/2022 14:52

This is why I don't entertain now. Every fucker seems to have dietary requirements and demands. Twenty years ago, you cooked a meal and everyone would eat it. Now everyone needs a different one.

SunshineCake · 21/05/2022 14:52

Weekend vegan I am really isn't a thing. Or definitely should not be. Many people don't eat meat every day, dairy etc. it doesn't make Wednesday a vegan day.

Cheesecakeandwineinasuitcase · 21/05/2022 14:59

This reply has been deleted

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If the OP had decided to cater for this request at such short notice they will more than like have had to make a car journey to the supermarket to purchase additional food - which means the the vegan option is increasing the carbon footprint of the whole meal. And for what it’s worth, just because someone is a vegan doesn’t automatically make them delightful. I used to work with one and they were a horrible bully.

Scirocco · 21/05/2022 15:04

YANBU.

I'm probably one of those annoying dinner guests with multiple dietary requirements. I'd never dream of springing that on someone at such late notice.

BruceAndNosh · 21/05/2022 15:06

I have at least one meat free day per week. That doesn't make me a vegetarian or a vegan. It makes me an omnivore who isn't eating meat

Smartsub · 21/05/2022 15:06

If I'd known in advance I'd have probably done something vegan for everyone, possibly that the meat eaters could have as a side, e.g. a veg curry and tandoori chicken, but as you didn't, your response is perfectly fine imo

Mariposista · 21/05/2022 15:06

No way! I can understand catering for the the allergy sufferers - that is an unavoidable medical condition. But silly fads? No way. Let them do that nonsense at home

HogInAManger · 21/05/2022 15:07

It’s for this reason I now do a selection of meat, fish, cheese, veggie and vegan (bought and bashed about to look homemade) tapas for dinner parties.

Homemade ice cream, sorbets, fruit & selection of toppings for pudding.

NC202205 · 21/05/2022 15:10

It’s rude to impose a personal preference like this (I understand for the allergy sufferers) on someone who is kindly hosting you.

YetAnotherNameChange111 · 21/05/2022 15:11

Kindofcrunchy
Wow, you sound delightful. I don't know how you're friends with compassionate people since you clearly aren't in the slightest.

I was going to bring some goodies into work and then wondered if anyone was veggie/vegan.

Then I caught myself, and started laughing at my stupidity

user1471538283 · 21/05/2022 15:12

I get allergies of course but what happened to being grateful someone was hosting? I eat very little meat but I'm more than happy with just the vegetables, salad, cheese that goes with it. I wouldnt expect separate dishes.

diddl · 21/05/2022 15:15

"they are doing vegan weekends to reduce their carbon impact...."

Well surely if Op is buying & cooking the food that has already reduced their carbon impact?

Hopefully they'll decide to reduce it further & stay at home.

ATeamAmy · 21/05/2022 15:16

But, OP, if you don't do them a special vegan dish, then how do they get to show off about their specialness and virtue signal to the rest of the dinner party? Weekend virtue vegan - such bollocks. The average family that can't afford meat/fish/dairy and lives off lentils half the week should get on Insta and show off about it.

Cameleongirl · 21/05/2022 15:23

As they’re only vegan two days a week, they can just plan a vegan meal for another day, that’s what I do.

Like sone PP’s, I try to incorporate veggie or vegan meals into our weekly menu, but I’m flexible on the days. It’s not the same as being entirely vegan.

Electricmouse · 21/05/2022 15:24

They are being unreasonable. And I've been vegan for donkeys years. I'd never do this to anyone, I always make sure people know AND offer to bring my own food if they're not knowledgeable or able to make me something easily, even with 6 weeks notice nevermind one night! Allergies yes, being a temporary vegan no. Tell them they're welcome to bring a meat substitute or something if you really want to be nice but it is too short notice.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 21/05/2022 15:26

What the actual fuck, that's the rudest thing I've heard in ages (them, not you, obvs)

The complete lack of notice
The fact that this means they aren't reducing their impact at all and are just contributing to food waste
The fact that the days they do it is such an arbitrary decision, that could easily be changed, and they're just choosing not to have any flexibility about this at all.
The 'we will come after food', when the whole point is you've invited them for dinner

I'd seriously be reconsidering my friendship with them, they are so inconsiderate and oblivious to the effort you might have already made.

I had a big drunken bbq for friends one time with a load of sides...literally as we were serving up, one person announced their partner was dairy intolerant (it gave them spots if they ate it) and was there any dairy in anything or any alternatives. I'd prepped for it for days and I was pissed, and by that stage when put on the spot really couldn't remember what may have been glazed in butter or marinaded in yoghurt. We lost touch after that!

ventreàterre · 21/05/2022 15:29

LOL at the thought of having "compassion" (or not) for people who try to impose their lifestyle choice on a dinner host at the last possible moment! The couple in question aren't even doing vegan weekends because they disagree with the ethics of eating meat. If they're okay eating meat M-F, they can eat meat on the weekend, too. So ridiculous of them even to have asked! Pure virtue-signalling wankery.

Viviennemary · 21/05/2022 15:30

Just say y the menu has been planned already. Sorry if it isn't suitsble shall we leave it till another time.

bridgetreilly · 21/05/2022 15:31

They can do vegan Monday this week instead if they want.

SpindleInTheWind · 21/05/2022 15:32

So now they're not coming for dinner, because you asked them to bring a dish, but they'll come for drinks afterwards? Will they now?

Why can't they bring their dinner with them, the one that they're going to have to make and eat at home anyway? Or come to yours at the agreed time and have some corn tacos and avodaco flown in from Peru with lots of salad?

Is it because they're hypocritical greedy arseholes?

DialsMavis · 21/05/2022 15:35

Wow, they sound like sanctimonious twats, and I say that as long term vegan. I have never heard of doing vegan weekends and even so, as others have said just switch the days round.

I always give people oodles of notice and offer to bring my own food, not that anyone has ever accepted that offer.

If they do come, tell them you can't be sure if the wine is vegan, I bet they will still tuck into that anyway 😂

ShandaLear · 21/05/2022 15:37

Wow, they are right up their own holes. Who on earth imposes arbitrary rules on others 6 hours before arrival? Still, at least you’ll be pissed by the time the arrive so hopefully that’ll take the edge off a bit.