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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Money....

127 replies

usernamexxx86 · 20/05/2022 23:20

Do you and your OH share all money?

I ask this because... long term relationship, 2DC, I work part time due to childcare and partner works full time earning over 4 x my wage. However he puts about a third of his wage into the joint account and saves the rest in an individual account.

AIBU to be think both of our salaries should go to the joint account?

OP posts:
Testina · 20/05/2022 23:32

Where are all the bills paid from - the joint account?

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 20/05/2022 23:32

No. I totally agree with you.

Discovereads · 20/05/2022 23:34

Either all money to joint account or the individual savings account becomes joint. It’s not a bad thing to be saving 2/3rds of take home pay, but the point is transparency and equal access.

Original poster
usernamexxx86 · 20/05/2022 23:34

@Testina yes, all bills from joint

OP posts:
Original poster
usernamexxx86 · 20/05/2022 23:35

@Discovereads that's exactly what I think SHOULD be happening! X

OP posts:
prettylittlethingss · 20/05/2022 23:37

It should go into joint account or joint savings. You're part time and I'm assuming you sacrificed your career due to his children.

Me and my DP put both our earnings together, give ourselves a few hundred £ each a month (which we can either spend or put in individual savings), and then put whatever's leftover in joint savings.

vrrnbb · 20/05/2022 23:37

How does he explain his intentions with his individual account?

GNfan · 20/05/2022 23:38

My partner and I (two kids, not married, joint mortgage) both pay 85% of our individual earnings into a joint account. Joint account pays for absolutely all bills, mortgage, kids stuff, food, etc.
He earns a lot more than I do, so the 15% of our own earnings that goes into our individual accounts means that he gets more 'pocket money' than I do, but that seems fair.

Kite22 · 20/05/2022 23:38

This comes up regularly on MN.

We put all income into the house salaries, child benefit and so forth into our joint account, then each of us has the same amount of money as our own 'spending money' (pocket money if you will, but that term gets mocked on these threads) each month. When we've been broke this has been a really nominal amount and when we've been more comfortable, it has increased, but crucially it has always been equal.
It has worked through me working FT and him being a student. I worked when I was on all my maternity leaves. It worked when I earned more than him. It worked when he earned more than me. It will work when one of us retires before the other one. Because we are a partnership.

I presume if you work PT then you are doing both more of the childcare and more of the household tasks?

What is he saving for exactly ?
Surely, as a family, you are both working (be it paid or unpaid) for the benefit of the family and the two of you are adults ?

Original poster
usernamexxx86 · 20/05/2022 23:41

Thank you for all of your responses.

@vrrnbb he has aid his savings are for if he wants to invest in properties in the future or buy a new car etc...

@GNfan when I was working part time we were putting the exact same amount in each month ( even though I was on a much lower wage ) ... upon reflection we should have done it by percentage that would have been fairer

OP posts:
BeforeGodAndAllTheFish · 20/05/2022 23:42

He needs to share ALL the money.

All money into the joint account, pay bills, money into savings and equal fun money.

If he wont then you go back to work full time and all bills plus childcare bills should be split proportionally. You pay one fifth and he pays four fifths.

Original poster
usernamexxx86 · 20/05/2022 23:42

@GNfan sorry that was meant to say full time

OP posts:
WifeMotherWorkRepeat · 21/05/2022 07:41

We have one pot as we are a team so all financial activity is shared, equal and transparent. All money goes into a joint account, we also have joint savings accounts and a joint credit card.

Allinadayswork80 · 21/05/2022 07:50

I’m in a similar situation OP, I work part time as I’m primary child care, my parents provide the rest, free. My partner only puts about a third of his salary into our joint account which is just for bills and the rest is his. I put a similar percentage of my salary in which leaves very little for anything else. He regularly says he’s got no money, but I don’t see how! I wish we had more transparency and sharing of ‘household income’ but feel awkward in how to suggest it.

TabithaTittlemouse · 21/05/2022 07:51

We do it differently to most on here but earn around the same. We have separate accounts rather than a joint account and pay certain bills each. For example I pay rent, electric etc and he pays council tax, internet etc. Whoever is shopping buys the food and we both pay for our own cars and mobiles.
We have separate savings although if we save for something like a holiday we both contribute what we can. It works for us.

savoycabbage · 21/05/2022 07:52

I'd suggest to him he reduces his hours and does 50% of the childcare so you both have the same number of hours to work.

Mrpunchisagit · 21/05/2022 07:53

We pay proportionally into the joint account, so we both have the same disposable income left, which is ours to do with as we please.

it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks, it’s his money, you’ve no entitlement to it, even if you were married you’d not be entitled. He doesn’t want to share it with you, you chose to be with him and have kids, and you already knew what he was like.

there is no “he should” about it. The bottom line is if you want more money you will need to work and earn it. So go back to work full time and each pay half childcare.

over2021 · 21/05/2022 07:54

Are you married?

Sounds like he has a live in nanny that provides cleaning and intimacy services as an added bonus.

I assume they are shared DC. If you're married he's a miser and I would really consider your future - they don't change. If you're not married he's taking you for an absolute ride.

pumpkinpie01 · 21/05/2022 07:58

I pay everything - mortgage and all utilities then my DH's wage is our joint account . He added my name to it the day he moved in and his wages are treated as mine too.

Ponoka7 · 21/05/2022 07:59

You should also have the ability to build up savings. As said if you aren't married then you are being very stupid to allow this to go on. You either tell him that you want to go full time and he has to cover childcare, or you want equal savings.

Fireflygal · 21/05/2022 07:59

Please say you are on the mortgage!

If you are not married anything he is saving is for his benefit only.

NoSquirrels · 21/05/2022 08:00

You’re not married? You’re in a vulnerable position for the future. Do you have a mortgage or rent?

Mally100 · 21/05/2022 08:01

It should be joint, and why does he have his savings to make investments for himself? But this is something that should have been discussed 2 children ago. You are not married so not sure you have any leg to stand on here.

TrufflesForBreakfast · 21/05/2022 08:03

We have this situation. Dh pays enough to cover the majority of the bills into a joint account, as do I. However...

Dh is self-employed and therefore needs to ensure enough is there for his twice-yearly tax bill (I know he could put it into a separate account but he'd be crap at remembering)

Whenever I ask for money, he transfers large chunks of it over no problem. He will also use it to make large overpayments into the mortgage if he feels his tax money is 'safe'.

He's better at saving than me so it's actually quite a good way of making me budget!

He doesn't use the money for anything much other than family. He has hobbies which he'll sometimes splash out on but he's quite frugal, not at all materialistic, and not a big spender.

When I earn 'bonus' money above my regular employed wage through my business sideline, I usually spend it all on myself!

Mummumtum · 21/05/2022 08:03

Are you married and are you on the house deeds?

from what you’ve said you sound quite vulnerable financially.

to answer your question… we pay everything to joint account then each get a set (same) amount of savings paid into each of our ISAs then a set amount of ‘personal spending money’ too. One of us earns almost 2x the other

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