Money....

[usernamexxx86]

Do you and your OH share all money?

I ask this because... long term relationship, 2DC, I work part time due to childcare and partner works full time earning over 4 x my wage. However he puts about a third of his wage into the joint account and saves the rest in an individual account.

AIBU to be think both of our salaries should go to the joint account?

We don't have a joint account. Never have. We have a "house" account that we both pay into every month, but that's in my name only, and is for things like decorating, home improvements and stuff like that. DH pays the mortgage and utilities, I pay council tax, water, and tv licence. Food shopping, petrol etc is shared between us, although we're not rigid about it. Dh pays for holidays. DH earns about 1.5 times more than me and we've never had any arguments about money.
And we're most definitely a team.

We share everything.

When we got married we trialed sharing and proportionate to see the pros and cons of both and how they worked in reality.

When it was proportional I put in a slightly highet proportion as I had my son, this caused light hearted bickering as he would then transfer the extra back to me and that money would end up going back and forth.

Now everything we earn goes into a joint account, we both have a standing order set up so the same amount of personal pocket money goes into our sole accounts. All bills, food, child related expenses etc come out of the joint account.

Days out are a family cost, we were clear on that otherwise it would easily eat into pocket money.

We just have joint finances. Joint current account, joint savings account. Both sets of earnings go in, tax rebates, inheritance, everything. All expenses go out. House in joint names etc.

But we both have the same attitudes to spending and saving so it works for us.

House account for all bills. And I mean all.bills, children's clothes, holidays, children's activities, gifts for random birthday party etc.

Each Pay into house account to cover all expenditure . Then identical amounts left over to spend as we wish.

If your collective income is much higher than your expenditure then also put a certain amount aside each month into collective savings

He’s an arse. You probably know that already.

Yes 100% of both our salaries go into one account. Because we are a partnership. To me, it seems only right and fair that both parents have access to money, whoever is earning it.
You being on reduced hours, is facilitating him working full time.
I just don’t understand how couples with a kid and presumably life plans together can keep their finances separate. Women take a financial hit when they have a baby, whatever way you look at it. What is your partner doing with his money OP? Does he not want to build a shared future with you?

have been instrumental in his ability to do that and his success

I read this comment all the time. Now maybe there are specific circumstances but in 99 cases out of 100 all that means is you enabled your DP to be less of a dad by doing do less childcare than you; teach kids cleaning is women’s work as he does less housework than you and that women are the organisers as he has less mental load than you. Don’t worry though as Dad has “the big job” and I could never earn as much. Well that’s a shocker ain’t it if women leave the workforce in droves before they realise the potential to play second fiddle. It’s analogous to a co-dependent relationship with an addict.

You did not help him in meetings at work (or whatever he does), nor did you enable him to be a well-rounded adult male. Shocking how women are capable of doing both.

Don’t be that woman OP.

This is something you sort out before you have children. You have put yourself in a terrible position.

We have always had joint accounts, its the only fair way.

Depends what hes doing with all that money he is saving. Exit strategy?

I wouldn’t put 100% of my salary into a joint account if I wasn’t married.

So do you mean you both but the same amount in the joint account, as in for example - you both put £500 each in even though you earn £1,000 and he earns £4,000?

Why is it that everyone whose a STAHM or part time always believe they are instrumental to their partners careers and so should get financial recompense for that? Nothing to do with the fathers (workers?) effort, ability and hard work 🤔 - if my DH had been a STAHP would have had zero effect on my career earnings potential - I've done that all on my own thanks very much.
It's a choice to stay home - no one forces that on you - you could just as easy both work full time and split the cost of childcare and both have a career. There's a choice there - you want to stay home. I've seen so many threads on here where posters quite clearly say they don't want to work after having kids? The worker sacrifices times with their kids when they are little and the one that stays home sacrifices money. But some things you can put a price on? (Except on MN where the "price" is half his wages?)

We have separate accounts but we are married so everything is shared anyway. I wouldn’t have separate accounts with someone I wasn’t married to. You have no security!

I would hate to share an account with DP, even if we were married with kids. I think it’s fair to contribute proportionally to household expenses. So if he earns 4x what you do then he contributes 75% and you contribute 25% and then whatever you both have remaining is your own.

The only reason this wouldn’t work is if this arrangement would leave you with no money left over after you’ve contributed to the expenses. If you have kids and are PT because you’re caring for them then it would be a good idea to sit down and look at total income and work out something fairer that leaves you both with reasonable fun money and savings too.

I would see this changing if someone became SAHP, as then the earning partner might have to contribute towards a fair amount of spending money as well as 100% of the household expenses.

This would be a fair comment if it was actually factual. But it is not.

Do you realise how many women have children with the plan of going back to work and then their partners refuse to pay towards childcare? Because there are a lot.

So many men designate childcare responsibilities to the mum. If she wants to work then fine, but she can pay for childcare because he wont contribute. And there is no way for her to force him. This is a real scenario which women find themselves stuck in. Telling them that it is their choice to stay home when they cannot afford childcare isnt helpful or accurate.

@breatheintheamazing

100% agree.

His is financially abusive.

@BeforeGodAndAllTheFish

sorry but I would leave in that situation because I’m screwed either way and he’s told me who he is.

You can keep describing how bad men are - and some of them are very bad - but the fact is some women do not take responsibility for finding
themselves in vulnerable financial situations and opting out of work.

Plus what you’re describing is different to the posters who can stay at home because they are providing “invaluable benefits” to their partners career. Very different issues.

Yes all money goes into one account and we spend what we want from it. It has been like that since we got together and moved in together.

We just share everything, all in one pot. No set amount for fun spends but we tend to chat about bigger things (an expensive weekend away, a new bike etc) and do it in a way that the family unit can afford.

The only exception would have been a small inheritance I received (about £2k) which DH said should be in my sole control, but we decided to split it between accounts for the children. I've had a period of time as a SAHP so most of our savings went into a pension pot in my name. We also each have saving pots in our own names but they are viewed jointly and kept roughly equal. Appreciate we are very lucky to have been able to afford this.

I do know that we are very unusual in our peer group for doing this (we are mid 30s) and some sort of proportional situation is more normal. I just don't see how that'd work with a SAHP set up though. It's definitely not right for one partner to have significantly more disposable income than the other though.

We each have our own bank accounts + another which is a joint account that we both put an equal amount into and which pays the bills. I have no idea how much he has and he has no idea about mine. I had a single joint account with exH and, despite me earning more ( aprox 2 and 1/2 times more than him), he took half of it. Never again will I share my hard earned money.

Sharing money is by consent. Some folk are happy to share and some are not. Its up to the individuals. I dont think you can just demand a share of somebody else's money especially if you aren't married.

My partner is the higher earner of us. We both work full-time. We used to have all money going into a joint account. We still have an equal monthly allowance that we can do what we want with. The rest pays for bills, savings, emergencies/repairs and holidays.

It is a little bit different now because my partner is self-employed. So whilst he pays himself a much lower salary into the joint account, the rest stays in the business account. I have equal access to it because I am a director of the company, and also do the bookkeeping. Although bookkeeping is not my full-time job.

We have had a joint account and pooled all income since we bought our first house together.

Everything goes into one account, and we both have a DD for the same amount out to our individual accounts (we feel it helps keep our spending down in this regard). DH brings a lot more in that I do, but I put more money in at start and do most of cooking, housework and my share of gardening.

We are married and all of our money goes into one pot. DH earns about 15k more than me, but is 8 years older and the next step in my career (after baby number 2) will draw us level. We’ve been together for 18 years and have been doing this for the past 13 years or so, despite only being married for 9. This is how it works:

• all money gets paid into one account


• we put money to cover all bills from the mortgage to contact lenses into a bills account and this doesn’t get touched, other than for paying said bills we also ensure there is enough to over pay the mortgage in there each month.


• we put an agreed amount into our personal accounts which is ours to do what we want with


• anything that is left in the joint account then is either spent on an agreed project/ holidays/ things for the children etc or is invested

The money in my personal account always seems to end up being spent (I love shoes) but the husband often invests his…and the returns he makes on this is usually spent on the family with the occasional treat for himself or is invested and saved for a rainy day!

I Honestly couldn’t be married to someone who didn’t do it equally.